Damn Beaver Dam Beaver Snatcher Snatched

Beaver alert! Don't let him get too close!

Lodged at the jail till further notice. From the Fond du Lac Reporter, via Fark.

A 27-year-old Beaver Dam man charged with groping two Beaver Dam police officers has been bound over for trial.

Benjamin L. Greenleaf faces three counts of felony bail-jumping, three misdemeanor counts of fourth-degree sexual assault and three counts of disorderly conduct stemming from two incidents during a party on Dec. 8 at a Beaver Dam residence.

It’s a little-known fact that “Fond du Lac” actually translates as “Lake of Fondlers,” a reference to the original Ojibway name for the area, “Ophissurgr Oper,” meaning “place where I totally felt up the Great Beaver.”

blogging: act III, scene 1: an allegory in iambic pentameter (more or less)

NEED MORE MONKEYS

The Big Question

To blog, or not to blog: that is the question:
Whether ’tis nobler in the blogosphere to suffer
The flames and scrapings of outrageous trolls,
Or to take arms against a web of aggro
And by contacting their ISPs, end it? To ban: to delete;
No more; and by deletion to say we end
The meme-pests and the thousand spam comments
That blogs are heir to, ’tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish’d. To ban: to delete;
To delete: perchance to start a forum: ay, there’s the rub;
For in that Technorati void what YouTubes may rest unblogged
When we have shuffled off this blogging platform,
Must give us pause: there’s the dynamic ranking
That makes calamity of a dead URL;
For who would bear the Monty Python quotes and casino links of trolls,
The support staff’s delay, the corporate parent’s avarice,
The pangs of despised fandom, the copyright infringement enforcement,
The insolence of office workers and the spurns
That regular updating of the dilettantish LiveJournallers takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a critical keystroke? who would Farkers bear,
To grunt and sweat under flourescent lights,
But that the dread of missing a new meme,
The undiscover’d bit bucket from whose bourn
No blogmeister returns, puzzles the will
And makes us rather bear those glitches we have
Than fly to platforms that we know not of?
Thus WordPress does make cowards of us all;
And thus the native hue of e-cool-hunting
Is sicklied o’er with the pale cast of doubt,
And blogs of great pith and merriment
With this regard their RSS feeds turn awry,
And lose the name of action.–Soft you now!
The fair Bloggie Awards! Nymph, in thy nominations
Be all my Top Posts remember’d.

Show me the luv at the Bloggie Awards, people!

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Technorati me!

Hinterland’s Who’s Who: the black bear

To make up for the fact that Crack Spider Dude has disabled embedding, I went in search of a replacement Hinterland’s Who’s Who video for ya, and look what I found: The Black Bear.

Actually, this one looks more like a white bear to me.

PSA: Imam Mahdi is coming. Look righteous.

the imam mahdi, ETA May?

It’s true. Iran says so.

An official state media website in Iran has posted a message heralding the coming of the Shiite messianic figure, Imam Mahdi, noting he could arrive with Jesus by the spring equinox.

No word on whether they’ll need a double room or two singles.

Buddy Christ

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Technorati me!

The Darwin Awards for 2006

Charles Darwin, yo!These are the most popular nominations, by public vote, for the year’s best examples of removing yourself from a grateful gene pool by sheer force of your own innate (or learned) stupidity. Interestingly, the overwhelming winner is contentious enough that they are considering removing the category altogether; it seems that there are quite a lot of people who believe strongly that pounding on RPGs with a sledgehammer or rolling an unexploded bomb downhill is not stupid behavior if the alternative is poverty. In these cases, however, the alternative was a life in poverty, which is surely the smart choice under these or, indeed, any circumstances.

Seriously, people, economic imperatives only override physical ones when the intellect fails; this is why they are called the Darwin Awards. You can’t provide for your family if you blowed yourself up real good; species who favour food which is poisonous to them tend to die out. Simple.

Donald Trump or Stephen Harper, feel free to disagree and to take your disagreement to the nearest RPG or bomb on the top of a hill.

Stories Ranked by Vote

Hammer of Doom 8.0 (2421 votes)

Stubbed Out 7.8 (1838 votes)

Star Wars 7.8 (1664 votes)

High on Life 7.7 (1423 votes)

Score For Goliath 7.3 (2150 votes)

Copper Kite 7.3 (1006 votes)

Faithful Flotation 7.2 (1804 votes)

Technical Difficulties 5.9 (46 votes)

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Technorati me!