blog post o’ the day: Guido lays the smackdown on the puppetmasters

What are you afraid of? 

From, obviously, Guido Fawkes. I take some small credit for pointing him towards this article in Sploid.

The alleged U.K. terror plot has been investigated for months by British intelligence, and the idea that the airliner attacks were planned for today seems to be nothing more than political fabrication and media hysteria.

Tony Blair and George W. Bush even planned the terror freakout in a series of phone calls that began last Friday and continued through the weekend. Blair and Bush put the finishing touches on their diabolical operation in a phone call early Wednesday, the Associated Press revealed today.

That’s right: While millions of travelers are going through absolute hell today because of the sudden terror “news,” it was last week when the U.S. president and U.K. prime minister began their cold calculations on how to get the maximum political benefit from the months-old investigation.

“U.S. President George W. Bush seized on a foiled London airline bomb plot to hammer unnamed critics he accused of having all but forgotten the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks,” AFP noted this afternoon.

“Weighed down by the unpopular war in Iraq, Bush and his aides have tried to shift the national political debate from that conflict to the broader and more popular global war on terrorism ahead of November 7 congressional elections.”

But the American warmongers are hardly alone in V for Fighting Brown Offneeding a “terror boost” for their fading political fortunes. The timing of the hysteria was even more useful to Blair, who was on the verge of being thrown out of Downing Street last night.

“A Scottish MP last night quit the government in protest at Tony Blair’s handling of the Middle East crisis, amid warnings from ministers that the Prime Minister’s continuing support for American foreign policy could cost him his job,” the Scotsman reported this morning.

“Jim Sheridan, Labour MP for Paisley and Renfrewshire North, became the first to resign from a government post over the war. He quit as parliamentary private secretary to the Ministry of Defense, saying he could no longer accept that Scottish airports were being used to refuel United States planes carrying arms to Israel.”

The newspaper made it crystal clear that Blair had mere days left in power, with some 150 members of parliament demanding Blair’s enemy Jack Straw call the politicians back to London, even though they’re on summer break:

“His resignation came as ministers furious at Mr Blair’s handling of the crisis said they would push for an emergency recall of parliament in a maneuver they hoped would trigger the Prime Minister’s downfall.”

Unlike the theoretical “massacre” of the theoretical terror plot that will soon be exposed in the courts as another make-believe scheme, actual massacres continue uninterrupted in Iraq, Afghanistan and Lebanon.

At least 2,000 Iraqis were slaughtered in July alone, most in Sunni vs. Shiite violence that has exploded under the U.S. occupation. Baghdad continues to be the capital of death, but the bloodshed happens everywhere, every day, all the time. Today in Najaf, another religious shrine was blown up, leaving at least 35 dead and another 100 hurt.

Morons and Patsies

If the suspected terrorists are anything like the amateur morons arrested recently in Toronto, London and Florida, the “terror plot” will eventually be revealed to be nothing more than idiot fantasies encouraged by the usual intelligence agents.

While Muslim nations will continue be bombed by the United States and Britain, travelers are stranded all over the Western World and England’s beleaguered Pakistanis can expect a new round of bogus terror raids, constant police harassment and attacks by neo-fascist skinheads, Bush and Blair can expect a solid boost for their bloodstained political parties.

The only other beneficiaries of today’s insanity are the “homeland security” and private-army industries, the defense contractors and the personal-hygiene business — having taken our corkscrews, pocket knives and fingernail clippers, airport goons are now seizing shampoo, deodorant, hair gel, toothpaste and pretty much everything else in your toiletries kit.

Not that you can even have a carry-on with your toothpaste and other essentials. As of today, British airports have banned all carry-ons.

Miserable passengers have been photographed standing around with nothing more than a clear plastic baggie holding their tickets and passports.

It’s the world of the future, and it sucks.

And you have to endure it iPodless. There is no god, people.

Unite!

Here’s Guido‘s post:

“It’s the Wolf! It’s the Wolf!”

Facts:

  • The tangible support of the U.S. and tacit support of the U.K. for Israel’s thrust into Lebanon has caused a political backlash for Bush and Blair.
  • In Afghanistan a woefully under-equipped and politically mis-directed British military intervention is in tatters, the death toll is rising and British forces have been forced to reduce their risk in the face of rising casualties. Tory critics are angry.
  • In Iraq senior U.S. military figures are openly describing the situation as one of increasing insurgency on the path to full-scale civil war.
  • Political unease and outright opposition to the “war on terror” is rising, even from people like Guido, who supported the liberation of Iraq and Afghanistan.
  • Blair might be on the beach in the Carribbean, but he is in a danger zone politically. The coming Labour party conference is the focus of malcontents and a source of instability. Thatcher and Gorbachev had coup attempts launched against them when they were out of the country. His internal opponents are now drowned out by the scare.
  • Bush needed a security scare. Rove spins “the Democrats are soft on terror.”

Time for a terror boost…

Strength, Unity, Terror
The cast : an ongoing long-term investigation into terror suspects. Extras : thousands of held up holidaymakers.
Gimmicks : this time it is liquid bombs, following on from the previous Ricin, Red Mercury and Anthrax Powder scares.
Show date : silly season when the media is desperate, prior to party conference and the symbolic 9/11 anniversary.
Playing : all news channels, front pages

Ask yourself, why now? Do you really believe that a huge terrorist conspiracy was under way?

Or that, if it was, it was alone?

Spock-Z

The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins, Big Pimpin’!

Spock, we hardly knew ye!

colossal loogey found on Chilean coast

Sperm Whale, RIP

From The Wetass Chronicles:

Tuesday, February 17, 2004
Annals of Oceanography–What The Hell Is This?!:

It was 40 feet long. It weighed 13 tons. And it washed up on a beach in Chile last July. And no one could figure out just what it was. For a while the scientific community got all excited because it was thought The Blob might be the remains of the intriguing, elusive and rarely seen Giant Squid. Or perhaps the world’s largest piece of bubble gum. But Skip Pierce, a biologist at the University of San Francisco, used electron microscopy to determine that The Blob is in fact the putrid, rotting, remains of a….sperm whale. Oh well. The hunt for the Giant, or Colossal, Squid continues…
Damn, it’s just a massive whale loogey…..
(Photo: The Oracle)

attention, Kmart shoppers!

Here she is, Miss Florida 

Have you got your Golden Mermaid for the long weekend yet? Gawd knows, you don’t wanna run out. Those last-minute dashes to the Quickie Mart for more fresh Florida Cryptids are such a PIA!

Surely by now you should know you can meet all your life’s needs and wants on eBay! Thanks to Sploid for this Sploidariffic wish list stuffer.

MERMAID or SEA MONSTER?

While exploring desolate areas of Fort Desoto Beach at the southern end of St. Petersburg, here in Florida, I came upon a rather startling discovery. Before me lay what at first appeared to be a very large strange fish. Shocked and amazed, I realized I had found another [another???] mermaid or sea monster.

Laying on a fresh natural bed of seaweed, this creature of the sea looks out as if still alive. What killed this mystery from the depths?

Tanning?

Looking over her gracefull body, I realized what a special creature she must had been in life. Was she the missing link between primates and fish? In time, what would evolution had shaped this creature to be?
I sat there thinking for awhile and realized I must get this mermaid back home. I could always ponder later.

I have drilled a small hole in the back of the head so that it can be hung up on a wall for display. [bonus! My living room decor will never be the same!]
I have the right to reject any bidders for several reasons of my own choosing. 

Including, perhaps, an all-too-literal-minded enslavement to petty Federal and International advertising regulations?

Y’all got me a birthday present, right?

awwwwww, why don’t *I* get any flamewars?

TIAJeez, I go offline for a lousy four or five days and everybody gets a flamewar except me! Even Boris. Pooey. Phooey, even, and I mean that.

Why don’t I get cool hatemail like the Pastafarians? This one even has several people using the same name to fight one another, like someone with MPD with self-hatred issues. Far more interesting than anything on daytime tv, and yep, the lawyer references flew thick and fast.

Them Christians! They always got a lawyer handy. Mind you, if I wrote comments like that to imaginary beings, I would probably see the wisdom in having someone on retainer, too, if only a psychiatrist.

The Kittens!!! Think of the Kittens!!!

I do believe you are

I do believe you are a fucking retard and I hope you burn in hell. Fuck you and the flying spaghetti monster. Postmodernism is a self defeating concept. Read Josh McDowell’s book for a good overview of what life is truly about you dumbass humanist. You obviously think life is just a big damn joke. Its all for humor and entertainment. I look forward to the day it fucks you right in the ass. Oh the age of the earth doesn’t fucking matter! Technology, hell we’d be better of without it anyways. God is not a flying spaghetti monster because only a human could think up such a dumbass retarded idea like that. Intelligent Design is observable. It does not require faith, it requires the ability to understand what irreducible complexity is along with several other phenomena that has been discovered in Science. Evolution is a conjecture. Of course, an idiot of your brain size would probably believe we came from monkeys…and quite frankly, you are probably the best evidence that Evolutionists have that human beings came from a monkey. I’m still having problems teaching my dog 2+2=4. I hope to someday prove Darwinian philosophy and be able to have my dog recite Shakespeare to me. Then I will believe Evolution is true. Until then….its all a big damn joke. Charles Darwin went insane when he was 28 anyways (didn’t know that did you?) Let me put it this way to you concerning your bologna flying spaghetti monster. If we are created in the image of what you believe God to be, we would look like spaghetti. Common sense is a valuable asset. Lets try this…I’m going to go very sloooooowly for you Bobby. Retarded people…like Bobby Henderson….will burn in hell unless you give your life to Jesus Christ. Life is not hard. Neither is it a joke. But I believe that anybody with a brain the size of a peanut should be exposed for the fraud that the person is. Quite frankly, I do not know why I’m wasting my time…because you are probably too stupid to read this e-mail anyways. At any rate, I have better things to do than point out your circular reasoning within your arguments. You are a disgrace to anything that humanity or your stupid existentialistic philosophy represents.

Casey Powell

Severe Flamewar risk!!!

*update*

Unless you want to be sued, take my name off of that message.  Thanks.

Casey Powell

*update 2*

Just take the whole message off of the board!  I gave you no permission to
post that.  I want it off, or I will contact my lawyer.  And that is not a
joke.

Casey Powell

*note from Bobby * – I’m not going to take your name off the message.  However, I will henceforth refer to you as either C. Powell or Casey P. so that you remain anonymous.  Additionally, I’ll include your email address here, in case anyone needs to get in touch with you. *

jesusmarine2005@yahoo.com

The updates continue through #7, FYI.Flamewar! Don protective equipment!

So why am I posting that, legal threats and email and all? Because I want to siphon off some of this red-hot lava and reap the toasty, litigious benefits for Operation Global Media Domination on the ol’ raincoaster blog, that’s why.

Nobody’s threatened me in days! True, I did get mentioned in connection to a Plagiarist of the Year contest, but it was more in reference to me being ripped off than me ripping anyone off: I’m not eligible to win anything except smug satisfaction, and as everyone knows, I already have plenty of that.

His noodly appendage

Touched by his noodly appendage

A refresher, for anyone who is unacquainted with Pastafarianism and the Flying Spaghetti Monster and is unable to access Wikipedia because he or she is living in, say, Riyadh or, no, that won’t work, a world of his own imagination (yeah, that’ll work; that or his parents’ basement and he doesn’t want them to catch him online past his bedtime), Pastafarianism is the religion founded by a man who noticed that Creationists were using the law to force “equal time” teaching of their theory. He decided, with a self-reliance which would warm the cockles of L.Ron’s heart, if he weren’t dead, that he’d create a cockamamie religious theory and force that into the courts as well, perhaps (in)advertently showing the arbitrary and illogical nature of the Creationists‘ argument for equal time in the first place.

But it’s not like there’s no video.

You show me the Jesus YouTube; then we’ll talk.