Category Archives: Holiday

Happy Canada Day 2011!

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Canada Day Eh. Now worth more than America Day.

Canada Day Eh. Now worth more than America Day.

Take that, bitchez!

While my cousins drive down to Fort Windsor and check to see that the cannons are still working, I’ll be heading up to the DEW Line to make sure no wiseass loonbat troublemaker is coming over the border from Alaska to get their greedy, Republican mitts on any of our delicious, free healthcare.

Play them off, William! Fucking! Shatner! Who better to update that hoary old classic than this h – you know what? Forget I said that. Enjoy your refreshed national anthem, Canuckistan!

 

William Shatner’s Oh Canada (via Neatorama)

Oh Canada,  our home and native land
ON native land
true patriot love
of same sex partnership
in all our sons’ command
and our daughters’
with glowing hearts
like ET
we see thee rise
the true north, strong and free
free healthcare … all this is … NEW!
from far and wide
redundant
Oh Canada
BIG SMILE
we stand on guard for thee
God keep our land
all gods or, or, or no god
glorious and free
free of smog
Oh Canada we stand on guard
for
thee.

Oh Canada we stand on guard
guard yourself from frostbite
for th-
it’s all … I don’t even know what we’re doing here
thee.

Canada, it’s an honour. You’re fabulous.

a Mother’s Day Serenade

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I THINK this comes from Korea, but what the hell do I know? Except ain’t no way North American kids would sit still long enough to learn this unless it was a kind of video game.

Doesn’t that bring a tear to your eye? Now that you can’t see, it’s time to turn to today’s Mother’s Day themed Celebrity gossip links:

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Mother’s Day, Canuck style

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My hockey mom can kick your hockey mom's ass

My hockey mom can kick your hockey mom's ass

This is where shit gets real on Mother’s Day in Canuckistan. You might not know it, but Canadians are intensely competitive, most particularly on holidays such as Mother’s Day. First comes the Stanley Cupcake bake-off, followed by the face-off, followed by the gloves-off rumble, followed by, of course, the afterparty,

Seal, Clubbing

Seal, Clubbing

seal clubbing.

Happy May Day!

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We the People. Hey, who you calling WE, white man?

We the People. Hey, who you calling WE, white man?

Happy May Day, workers of the world! Enjoy your paid day off, no doubt spent among your fellow labourers, reveling in your special day. Did the head of the local Chamber of Commerce bring you breakfast in bed, or is that just here in Canuckistan? Did you remember to swing by the town square for the big Kick A Newly Homeless Wall Streeter party and bbq? And pick up your share of TARP dollars (application form here)? Remember, today only that cardboard box or ’78 Dodge van you’ve been living in may be redeemed for a 1 bedroom plus den Yaletown condo.  Also today only, Urban Fare accepts those food cheques that The Ministry issues, as do C, the chocolate buffet at the Sutton Place Hotel, and Tojo’s sushi.

Fucking Capitalism: how does it work? Here’s a handy-dandy diagram that clears it all up.

Capitalism layer cake

Capitalism layer cake

Calvin and Hobbes and a business model I can really get behind

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calvin is SO right

calvin is SO right

I’m telling you, if I can figure out a way to get this to pay, I’m gonna be a BAJILLIONAIRE. In the meantime, here’s a short list of some people who could use some swift ass-kickery.

Dear Santa, is it SO much to ask… (raincoaster)

Santa Andy has to put up with some mean drunks on Christmas (Ayyyy)

Julia Child, acolyte of Cthulhu??? (ManoloFood)

Ryan Gosling is into light bondage (Lolebrity)

The War on Christmas tweets (AgentBedhead)

Jennifer Aniston has the scent of desperation (AmyGrindhouse)

Hugh Jackman has cricket balls (BusyBeeBlogger)

Alanis Morissette for Ever (CeleBitchy)

Natalie Portman is packing babeh, off the market (CelebritySmack)

Is EVERYONE pregnant? Please stop her before she breeds (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Hottest accessory of 2010: Klingonhead (CityRag)

But would Lady Gaga have broken up the Beatles? (EvilBeet)

KK hits rock bottom and starts digging (FitFabCeleb)

World’s most hated couple makes honest homewreckers of one another(GabbyBabble)

Best Busts of 2010 (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Kelly Osbourne goes Full Flamewar (HaveUHeard)

Justin Bieber’s impurity ring (INeedMyFix)

To get your little gold man, get a little man of your own (Movieline)

Richard Chamberlain comes out, Perez whacks him (PerezHilton)

and all I got were slipper socks. AGAIN (PopBytes)

Lily Allen is engaged (PopSugar)

Santa brought the world some JLoHew/AlyMil action (SeriouslyOMG)

Charlie Sheen not dead (WeNewsIt)

My new favorite stocking stuffer gift, now and forever

My new favorite stocking stuffer gift, now and forever