because up here the sun does not set this time of year until about 1:30 am and then only in a sort of curtseying manner, bobbing back up again in an hour or less. So you can actually read a newspaper by the daylight at midnight here in Yellowknife.
Which is why the market for spooky stories is somewhat depressed, locally. We’ll see what happens when the 24 hour darkness sets in, and to judge by some of the Inuit Art, whatever sets in then, it ain’t equanimity.
Shaman Drum Dancer by Nelson Takkiruq
See?
So, the market for ghoulies and ghosties and things that go bump in the night appears to be at a minimum now, yet somehow I still managed to drum up a squeal of morbid joy when I saw that the slow-grinding wheels of film production had, at last, released this:
Edgar Allan Poe-ster
for lo, opening night cannot come fast enough for those of us here at Operation Global Media Domination HQ. We are indeed looking forward to watching our old Twitter buddy bring to (unsteady, morbid, doomed) life one of the greatest of American Writers. Ah! If only I had my copy of Closed on Account of Rabies with me, and perhaps a bottle of Amontillado (they don’t sell it at the liquor store, but I bet Chef Pierre could rustle me up some) I could set the mood. For now, these small talismans, the poster and this YouTube of Christopher Walken reading The Raven from that very album will have to do.
We all know the Rapture is coming. And we pretty much all know we, ourselves, are not going to be beamed straight to Heaven by Saint Scotty’s magical transporter, so it behooves those of us who will be Left Behind (shades of grade school!) to prepare as best we might for life in a post-apocalyptic, zombie paradise.
But just in case it doesn’t happen, I’m doing what a Facebook friend suggested, and leaving empty shoes filled with glitter outside all the gay bars I can find, just to confuse the Christians.
In case of Rip Taylor
Here’s a very servicey video from our friend FrontierFormerEditor on practical ways to prepare for the looting which will inevitably ensue. Get your shopping carts in good working order now, people!
and if that doesn’t cover all your bases, here is a small roundup of Top Rapture Tweets. Yes, I expect this to trend BIG over the next two days. Apologies I can’t grab the Tweetshots, but Tweetshots appears to have been Raptured already.
From ApocalypseHow: Hmm, the world ends the same week as Oprah’s show does? “EVERYBODY gets a CAR! Or thrown into the LAKE OF FIRE!”
Bug Girl: A friend suggested we leave empty shoes filled with glitter outside gay bars on Rapture day. I can totes see you doing that :)
Sean Percival: How about an inbox rapture instead? Just leave behind the naughty ones like my Agent Provocateur newsletters.
The rise of zombies in pop culture has given credence to the idea that a zombie apocalypse could happen. In such a scenario zombies would take over entire countries, roaming city streets eating anything living that got in their way. The proliferation of this idea has led many people to wonder “How do I prepare for a zombie apocalypse?”
Well, we’re here to answer that question for you, and hopefully share a few tips about preparing for real emergencies too!
So what do you need to do before zombies…or hurricanes or pandemics for example, actually happen? First of all, you should have an emergency kit in your house. This includes things like water, food, and other supplies to get you through the first couple of days before you can locate a zombie-free refugee camp (or in the event of a natural disaster, it will buy you some time until you are able to make your way to an evacuation shelter or utility lines are restored). Below are a few items you should include in your kit, for a full list visit the CDC Emergency page.
Water (1 gallon per person per day)
Food (stock up on non-perishable items that you eat regularly)
Medications (this includes prescription and non-prescription meds)
Sanitation and Hygiene (household bleach, soap, towels, etc.)
Clothing and Bedding (a change of clothes for each family member and blankets)
Important documents (copies of your driver’s license, passport, and birth certificate to name a few)
First Aid supplies (although you’re a goner if a zombie bites you, you can use these supplies to treat basic cuts and lacerations that you might get during a tornado or hurricane)
That is what I call Taking Care of Your People! Remember, it’s time to get that granny cart and the acetylene torch all tuned up. Only 48 Earthly hours left!
Normally, Cthulhu and his family are charming hosts, but sometimes Junior gets into the nước mắm and the next thing you know the tentacles are flying! It’s hard enough making small talk when only half the guests are amphibious.
Cthulhu visits the Victorians en route to His voracious victory!
“How about them uppity natives, eh? Oh, I hear ya! I totally feel your pain, dude.”
The guest list included only the highest social stratum. Here’s this year’s hot couple posing happily just moments before the melee broke out.
The Whaleses
I always thought he could do better, myself. I tried introducing him to some of those delightful Marsh women and their cousin, that Munn woman, but it was a no-go. And why? The girl is clearly talented.
Olivia Munn be desperate
and desperate. But then, many of us remember the last big family party, when she and her cousin Ralsa broke up the dance floor back in ’08.
Click over the jump for a roundup of the other Cthelebrity guests. Get your partying in now, people. Remember, the Crapture is coming!
Long have we shouted into the insatiable, oblivious void, warning of the dangers of those tiny, trembling, fanged and clawed homunculi known as Chihuahuas. And have you listened? Hellz no you have not; you persist in toting these hideous, incontinent fetal aliens in handbags and amusingly-McMansion-shaped wheelie bins everywhere you go.
[aside: while I was writing this, Zemanta came up with some Related Articles and they included something I could have sworn said “cooking and features of a Blue Chihuahua” but alas it was “coloring” instead. Imagine my disappointment. Also, capitalizing adjectives and nouns? Isn’t that German? Are these loathesome creatures the spawn of some unthinkable Nazi experiment? It would explain a lot, that’s all I’m saying. Also, apparently cooking Chihuahuas is A Thing:
CORRECTION: The first ingredient in the 4/30 Quesadillas recipe should have read “1 cup shredded Mexican Cheddar, Monterey Jack, Pepper Jack, or brick cheese.” Somehow, an auto spell-check changed cheddar to Chihuahua. We apologize for the error and hope that no Chihuahuas were harmed due to the error.
] yes I had to end the […] because I’m meticulous like that.
But now we have reports, many reports, coming in. You will not listen to reason, but might you listen to evidence? Just maybe?
From the comments on Gawker:
Good Girl Gone Bad @raincoaster
Actually scientists did some DNA analysis that showed chihuahuas are descended from an entirely different type of canine than all of the other breeds of dogs. They can interbreed with other breeds of dogs only because most species of canine can interbreed (like wolves and dogs(
So actually you are right
P.S. I have a supercrush on you.
Obviously a person of vast intelligence and exquisite taste. This was in the comments added to an article about how a thief stole it out of a car along with a laptop but returned the Naked Mole Rat “Dog” in the back seat, because even criminals deserve better company.
CHIHUAHUAS and pomeranians are on the list of Queenland”s 100 most menacing dogs.
They might stand less than 30cm tall, but the small pets have now officially been declared menacing creatures by authorities, under controversial new state laws aimed at slowing the state’s rising number of dog attacks.
More than a year after the laws were introduced, only 110 dogs have been declared menacing in Queensland, but authorities predict that will soar as awareness of the new laws spreads.
Shelter workers at an SPCA on B.C.’s Sunshine Coast have taken an injured poodle under their wing after the canine was dropped onto the grounds of a care home by a large bird of prey.
The six-year-old poodle, dubbed “Miracle May” by workers, fell from the sky onto the Shorncliff Nursing Home in Sechelt on May 2.
Deep One by Christopher Burdett: although in conversation she could be quite shallow
Shocking video evidence of the survival of a colony of Dagon-worshipping Deep Ones just off Leblon Beach, Rio de Janeiro. Also shocking video evidence not all Brazilians look good in a bikini.
And YES I know we’ve been all about the videos lately, but what can I say? YouTube has been particularly awesome lately, what with dead squirrels, Yellowknifers, and gravity-bedevilled gilled monstrosities of the deep.
raincoaster 