Category Archives: Humour

Buzz Lightyear and Buzz Aldrin, together again for the first time

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Yep, looks like every able-bodied military person in the US must be overseas, because NASA has apparently turned to imaginary American Buzz Lightyear for their next mission.

Real American and real hero Buzz Aldrin is his mentor.

O, how the mighty have fallen.

There’s a clue to the motivation for this travesty in the YouTube info:

Veteran astronaut Buzz Aldrin mentors Buzz Lightyear, co-star of the Disney-Pixar Toy Story films. Buzz (the toy) is headed to the International Space Station aboard Space Shuttle Discovery to commemorate the opening of “Toy Story Mania!” at Walt Disney World Resort in Florida and Disneyland Resort in California.

I wonder how many zeros Buzz Aldrin got for his dignity.

Paging Gérard de Nerval!

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As we at the ol’ raincoaster blog understand it, Spring is late in coming to parts of the world, and in such times our thoughts go always to those more primitive, dependent species: cephalopods, crustaceans, and government contractors.

Alas, we do not know, for it is not recorded, what became of the famed lobster of Gérard de Nerval, but we would not be at all surprised to discover it still lumbering mournfully around Paris, seeking its owner and the subtle secrets that only dreams can tell…

But what if it’s chilly? Does this living national treasure of Symboilist Symbolist Poetry shivver in the chill miasma rising off the Seine? I shudder to think it.

Behold, the solution:

Lobster Sweater

Slimeballs!

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cross-posted from TeenyManolo, with a bit of editing

Everything old is goo again!

(I had to; it was there)

Yes, GenX’s favorite toy (besides Pong, that is) is celebrating its thirtieth birthday this year. As with everything and everyone who turns that undeniably-adult age, its tastes have changed over time to something more…sophisticated?

Say hello to Love Slime, Hot Slime, Relax Slime (?) and Elegance Slime (????).

Adult slime

From TrendsInJapan via Gizmodo.

Note that the company says these fragrances are “scented to appeal to adult sensitivities” rather than scented to enhance adult activities. Like that is going to stop anyone.

Speaking of which, it appears that Mrs. Bill Murray is tired of being slimed and has filed for divorce. I guess she has no tolerance for middle-aged ennui and reinvention of self? Or she could have just asked him to wear a condom.

In related news, here’s a story about some of my colourful relatives. Expect The Sister to pop up any second to deny it…

At my cousin’s wedding they had little pots of slime at the place settings. I kid you not. In the wedding colours, too. It was floral-scented. All my now-grown and dapperly be-suited cousins spent the entire wedding dinner sticking their thumbs in the little pots to make farting noises. And people wonder why I live at the other end of the country.

What Will We Do Tonight, raincoaster?

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puppies

Chihuahuas are creepy. Chihuahuas in turtleneck sweaters can be up to no good. Watch your ankles!

The Solution for the Zeta Male Dilemma

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Or is that “The Dilemma of Zetality?” Something like that, for sure.

Yes, here via SondraKiStanUSA and AgentBedhead comes the solution for the heartbreaking loneliness that is the sad fate of millions of loveless basement-dwelling males.

ImaginaryGirlfriends.com.

Imaginary Girlfriends

The girls are real. The relationship is not. When your time is up you can break up with her for whatever reason you decide, and she’ll write you a final letter begging you to take her back. Our service is easy-to-use, lots of fun, and discreet. The privacy of our customers and Imaginary Girlfriends is always protected.

And check out some of the profiles:

Jenniferread more
 Age 20
From London, England
“Our long-distance relationship will seem completely believable… the fact that it isn’t real will be our little secret! ”

Imaginary Girlfriend Service:
Personalized Letters Photos
E-Mails Online Chat

So much cheaper than the real thing! And you never have to leave Mom’s basement. Unlike an icky old RealDoll, there’s never any suspicious-looking packaging involved, nor any sticky surfaces to clean!

Except the underside of the desk, of course.

Oh, wait! They’re hiring! I think I sense an opportunity!

Writers wanted:

5PM Interactive and ImaginaryGirlfriends.com are seeking creative, fun-loving women to join us! If you’re over 18, love to write and welcome the opportunity to earn extra cash, consider joining our site as an Imaginary Girlfriend. ..

We’re looking for someone who can provide an authentic long-distance girlfriend experience with a minimum of actual interaction. [awesome; this is exactly what I always look for in a relationship!] … Of course no actual romantic relationships are involved and you will never be encouraged to be a real life girlfriend in any situation.

Seriously, this sounds like TOTALLY MY THING. I’ve been a real girlfriend, and frankly there are roles in this world which suit me better, if you must know. Like accountant.

If you turn your nose up at the very idea of a virtual girlfriend, think for a moment what happens when one of these prime specimens lumbers out of his subterranian den in search of a mate.

How a Nerd Picks Up a Girl (or if I’m any judge, how he fails to do so) from Coffee&Biscuits is a list of pickup lines going around Facebook. Now you know why I’m not Facebookish.

Some samples:

  • How about I take off your cover and insert a bigger CPU?
  • Nice set of floppies!
  • The volume of a generalized cylinder has been known for thousands of years, but you won’t know the volume of mine until tonight.

and the probably WordPress-specific:

  • You had me at “Hello World”