Category Archives: Internet Drama

Operation Global Media Domination: the Thank God It’s Not Me edition

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Total Information Awareness

Scientia est Potentia

As longtime readers of the ol’ raincoaster blog know, occasionally we take a good long look at our stats, indeed, nearly disappearing into our own fundamentals from time to time, most particularly when something has either gone spectacularly well or when it has gone spectacularly badly. We call this Operation Global Media Domination.

As you, gentle reader, are doubtless also aware, recently things have been going spectacularly badly with the exception of the unfortunately shortly-lived Cusack Effect. You may be sure that I am doing all in my power to drag my hits out of the ditch in which Automattic has thrown them (and a long, technical rant on why will doubtless be forthcoming) including appearing on podcasts, speaking at conferences (four this month: FOUR) and pimping out my blog in my linkblogging every chance I get.

It’s paying off slowly, as we’ve gone from about 650 hits a day in May up to 1100, but when Automattic made the link from the global tag pages NoFollow, they basically threw me off a cliff, or at least my hits. My graph:

I die! I DIE!!!

Is it any wonder I'm so fucking CRANKY?????

But there’s something worse than facing that graph: facing THIS graph:

Nick Denton is not a happy man

Nick Denton is not a happy man

Can you guess when the new Gawker redesign was implemented? Can you believe a man as smart as Denton has a cash bet that pageviews are going UP? Can you believe he still doesn’t see the problem?

Can you ever be thankful enough that that’s not you???

Nick Denton BOOM Winning. Just ask him.

Nick Denton BOOM Winning. Just ask him.

High Ku Hollywood

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Snooki's book heralds the apocalypse. Well, WE all knew that. But we weren't gonna tell you!

Snooki's book heralds the apocalypse. Well, WE all knew that. But we weren't gonna tell you!

Conspiracies everywhere! What’s a person to do when reality itself is unreal? Is there a sure guide in these troubled and uncertain times, when it seems as if there are a million different perspectives on Rashomon itself?

Tom Hanks doesn't know what's going on and neither do I but I've just decided to "go with it"

Tom Hanks doesn't know what's going on and neither do I but I've just decided to "go with it"

At least I finally got something useful out of the pointless drama that’s been going on around here lately. I ran the entire Fandumb post through the Haiku Finder, comments and all, and found a haiku. One. ONE haiku. From 4,852 words. This only confirms my belief that this is the lamest, most boring bunch of trolls I’ve ever had the misfortune to encounter. From almost five thousand overly-emotional words, only one haiku can be gleaned, and it is my own.

I think Monet died
before he really hit his
stride artistically.

You’d think a few Impressionist dealers would have chimed in, with a statement as controversial as that, and in poetry no less, but noooooooo! In any case, let’s make an attempt to get back to “normal”? around these parts, with a bog-standard and hardly dramatic list of Hollywood gossip links. I expect Khloe Kardashian’s red hair to be blamed on me any second, but oh well, what can you do? I DID totally talk her into it.

Pointless Internet Drama, I wish I could quit you (raincoaster)

Good Mourning! (Ayyyy)

Colin Firth’s face AND Alan Rickman’s voice, in one post! (Lolebrity)

Toni Collette vs Coldplay (AgentBedhead)

Amy Winehouse goes Full Brazilian (BusyBeeBlogger)

Miranda Kerr and Orlando Bloom welcome world’s most beautiful baby (CeleBitchy)

Amy Winehouse is wearing an awfully tall belt (NSFW) (CelebDirtyLaundry)

It’s Ted Williams’ world; we just live in it (CelebritySmack)

Detouched Celebrities (CityRag)

He’s still a douchebag, but he’s an awfully decorative one when he’s nekkid (DailyStab)

Robert Pattinson doesn’t know who he is (FitFabCeleb)

Celebrity pizzaface (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Jane Krakowski is packing babeh (HaveUHeard)

Kardashian Kard Konflict! (INeedMyFix)

Britney leaks! (PoorBritney)

The evolution of the fashion blogger (PopBytes)

Drew Barrymore narrowly escaped from Borat, it seems (TheSkinny)

Kim Kardashian has a big mouth (SeriouslyOMG)

 

 

The Internet is Closed

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Step away from the keyboard

Step away from the keyboard

Maybe everyone should just step away from the keyboard for a day or so. Go for a walk. See friends over brunch. Play with a puppy. Make an appointment for a colonic.

It. Is. Time.

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For a little perspective, non?

 

But really, get your shit together, Argentina

But really, get your shit together, Argentina

Updated to add:

Maria's pottymouth got her kicked out of the convent

Maria's pottymouth got her kicked out of the convent

Bye-bye, Honey!

Marilyn says Mwah, Baby!

Marilyn says Mwah!, Baby!

Fandumb, Freedom, and Fanarchy

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yes, this is they. they is us

yes, this is they. they is us

Well, you can see by the comments on the post below that pointless internet drama is the catalyst for ever-more-random explosions of other pointless internet drama. There’s some sort of magnetic effect going on, in which the drama calls out to drama queens, and so you have a post about a fanblog at WordPress.com being taken down generating a rather heated (or icy, depending on your point of view) and completely unrelated 24 comments about the infallible superiority of the Echo commenting system, my unspeakable rudeness at DARING to insult the commenting system, etc etc.

So I wonder what kind of comments this will generate. It’s a comment thread on Gawker in which the whole thing was discussed again. The Baroness and I have nothing whatsoever in common, but we’ve always gotten along pretty well because we respect one another and don’t believe the world needs to be filled with people who are identical. I mean, how do people who agree on everything even HAVE discussions?

I think Monet died before he really hit his stride artistically.

Yup, he sure did!

End of conversation.

Anyway, here it is for good or ill. By the time I wake up tomorrow, this post will probably have 789 comments about how it’s all my fault NASA cancelled the space shuttle program or something. It’d be typical. Putting it over the jump so this page doesn’t become endless, but all the good stuff is there, INCLUDING THE DEADLY ASSASSIN.

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