You cannot critique the critique of pure reason

The Critique of the Covid Briefing Bingo

New year new Covid Briefing Bingo nomenclature convention, kittens!

We’ve run through all the good Paul Naschy movies, and many of the worst of Bela Lugosi, but I decided we needed to up our game. It’s 2021. No more laurel-resting! No more B movie titles! No indeedy. We’re moving on up and out and on and now we are going to be ripping off the greatest works of philosophy for our titles!

Today’s inaugural New! Improved! Covid! Briefing! Bingo! Title! comes to us from the immortal Immanuel Kant, whose The Critique of Pure Reason is one of the foundational texts of Western philosophy (although it strenuously denies having anything to do with that skeevy Ayn Rand, Libertarianism, or Jordan Peterson, and polygraph testing proves this to be true).

Allow me to introduce you:

Immanuel Kant (1724–1804) is the central figure in modern philosophy. He synthesized early modern rationalism and empiricism, set the terms for much of nineteenth and twentieth century philosophy, and continues to exercise a significant influence today in metaphysics, epistemology, ethics, political philosophy, aesthetics, and other fields. The fundamental idea of Kant’s “critical philosophy” – especially in his three Critiques: the Critique of Pure Reason (1781, 1787), the Critique of Practical Reason (1788), and the Critique of the Power of Judgment (1790) – is human autonomy. He argues that the human understanding is the source of the general laws of nature that structure all our experience; and that human reason gives itself the moral law, which is our basis for belief in God, freedom, and immortality. Therefore, scientific knowledge, morality, and religious belief are mutually consistent and secure because they all rest on the same foundation of human autonomy, which is also the final end of nature according to the teleological worldview of reflecting judgment that Kant introduces to unify the theoretical and practical parts of his philosophical system.

Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy

If that’s too much for you, maybe this will help.

Thought for a second about calling it “The Covid Briefing Bingo of Pure Reason” and rejected it, as the NDP and Tories would just claim I was stanning for the Libruls, and a strident anarchist such as myself cannot allow such smears on my character to stand unchallenged.


And I ain’t got time to be challenging that shit, you know? I’ve got blankets to arm knit, blog posts to compose, links to spam, and reams and reams of pointless government paperwork to sort out in order to restore my CRA benefits. /rant

Shockingly, the pet-sitting market has yet to revive. I KNOW!!! Just as shocked as you are over here. There goes my future of making millions while lolling about on sofas that cost more than my car. Assuming I can afford a car someday, that is. Meanwhile I’m over here applying to be a grocery store cashier just so I can save money on actual food and avoid going “poverty vegan.” Ah, but enough about me. Let’s talk about PM Zoolander.

Swear to god, by now The Roommate literally thinks the prime minister’s name is “Zoolander.” I know I’ve made that joke before, but I’ll only stop when it stops being true.

Today, kittens, we have a brand new briefing card for you! Yes! 2021 is already looking up when it features a sexy new Covid Briefing Bingo card, and absolutely free to download! And this one features an entire column of “Every Step of the Way” (must be completed in a single briefing. Protip: use pencil!) We’re too good to you, kittens, really we are. Enjoy!

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Mark of the Vampire

Mark of the Covid Briefing Bingo

We have been slacking kittens, but we’re here now. It’s Christmas Eve, also known as Justin Trudeau Eve, traditionally celebrated throughout the nation by doing shots of Sortilège maple whisky. He’s a Christmas baby, you see. The story is that Christmas Eve 1971 Margaret Trudeau, who was and probably still is a bit of a Christmas nut, and was additionally nine months pregnant, wanted to go to Midnight Mass. Her husband was all “meh, nope”, so he called John Turner and asked him and his wife to take her, which they did. And had to make an abrupt exit when Justin Trudeau began to make his entrance.

If the story isn’t true, please don’t tell me. It’s a great story.

They just got their covid test results.

Speaking of completely real and spontaneous traditions, our briefing bingo today is named after the Bela Lugosi film Mark of the Vampire, a definite non-classic that even Lugosi didn’t like. But it did have some snazzy still photos, as you can see.

Our video is here:

Prime Minister Justin Trudeau addresses Canadians from outside his home in Ottawa on the federal government’s response to the ongoing COVID-19 (coronavirus disease) pandemic. He also discusses Health Canada’s approval of Moderna’s COVID-19 vaccine. This is the second COVID-19 vaccine to be approved for use in Canada, following the regulatory approval of the Pfizer-BioNTech vaccine on December 9. The prime minister announces that Canada will receive an additional 250,000 doses of the Pfizer vaccine in January. A total of 1.2 million doses from both Pfizer and Moderna will arrive in Canada by January 31, 2021. The federal government is committing an additional $70 million to the Canadian Red Cross to support its COVID-19 work. Trudeau also announces that Vice-Admiral Art McDonald, currently the commander of the Royal Canadian Navy, will be appointed to replace General Jonathan Vance as Canada’s chief of the defence staff. The prime minister also confirms that Canada’s suspension of passenger flights from the United Kingdom will be extended for two weeks until January 6 amid concerns about the spread of the new variant of COVID-19.


One day I’ll make a new card (with an entire column of “Every step of the way”) but that day? Is not this day. It’s Christmas Eve. I’ve got fruitcake to buy! And eat!

Fun fact: last night at midnight I was on Twitter bitching about being down to my last four dollars and having a craving for fruitcake, which I lurve, but which is always, always more than four dollars. And someone I’ve never met in my life sent me fifty bucks to my Paypal for the best goddamn fruitcake Ottawa can provide. Except now we’re in lockdown and I can’t go fruitcake browsing.

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How to Handle Women lobby card

How to Handle Covid-19 Briefing Bingos

Good afternoon, kittens. Today’s briefing bingo was done live on Twitter, and laterblogged here because of internet speed-related technical difficulties.

Our briefing bingo for today is named after the Bela Lugosi film “How to Handle Women.” Given that audiences for his live appearances were 90% female, and that he had five wives, we can conclude that Bela not only could Get It, but could most probably Handle It as well.

Speaking of handling things, it’s the Justin Trudeau hour:

Prime Minister Justin Trudeau addresses Canadians from outside his home in Ottawa on the federal government’s response to the ongoing COVID-19 (coronavirus disease) pandemic.

And I note that the other federal officials are also doing a briefing today. Some day I might be arsed to cover more than one briefing in a day, but that day? Is not this day, kittens.

Not today, kittens.

Linus and Matt Gleason know all about Ottawa

And me without coffee. I. Can’t. Even. Nothing, kittens, nothing is sacred anymore.

This whole briefing has undercurrents of frustration, alienation, and impending retribution, because (spoiler: not just because it’s 2020!):

Of course, we know that NOBODY ever gets fired in Ottawa, no matter how bad the fuckup.

“That letter” being the letter than many Canadians received telling them that they had to repay their CERB benefits “by January 1, 2021”. I did not receive this letter, although when I tried to sign in to get my CRB benefits again (the dog-sitting biz is still quite thoroughly en toilette) I did get notified that my benefits are frozen, and that I needed to provide documentation proving I qualify, and further, that I needed to provide that documentation by fax. The message helpfully noted that there are many free online services that will convert photos/scans to fax, and this is true, but literally none of them will convert and fax the 49 pages of proof I needed. Just another example of the government demanding, in a perfectly reasonable tone of voice, something which is literally impossible for many desperate people to provide.

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The Devil Worshippers, an orientalist Bela Lugosi film

The Covid Briefing Bingo Worshipppers

Good morning, kittens! We’re ready, coffee by our sides (well, my side. I’m always on my side. I dunno about you) for today’s Covid Briefing Bingo. I could have pre-blogged all of this pre-amble last night, but I had a Zoom meeting at 9am and said fuckit. So, here we are.

 Ralph Waldo Emerson, Essays, First Series 1841
via LinusQuotes.Tumblr.Com

And our briefing bingo today is brought to you by the 1920 German silent film The Devil Worshippers, starring Bela Lugosi. I thought “The Covid Briefing Bingo Worshippers” was better than “The Devil Covid Briefing Bingo”, for marketing purposes. Which, I may be wrong about that. And Die Covid Briefing Bingo Teufelsanbeter was a no-go from the very beginning. That dog just would not hunt.

Fun fact: I did some A/B testing, and thumbnails which feature a pic from a Bela Lugosi movie outpull thumbnails which feature a picture of Justin Trudeau. I’d have lost a bet, but then as I’m always saying, Bela Could Get It.

Now, here are your bingo cards. I’ll try and get the next one done soon. I just bought a pound of Starbucks beans, I might have the energy to get this out before the next briefing!

Here’s your video:

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White Zombie

The Covid Briefing Bingo Zombie

It me, kittens.



Here we are again, at the quite civilized hour of slightly after 4:30pm, and while I feel the Covidian ennui which shall forever scar this year in memory, I also feel seen. They finally moved the briefing to a time I won’t sleep through it. Although it doesn’t mean I feel less than zombie-like. It is 2020, after all. Vitality would be positively inappropriate!

I am but a child of my time, as was the Prince of Denmark. He was VERY 2020, was Hamlet.

Today’s briefing bingo is brought to you by the Bela Lugosi movie White Zombie, and it’s a cracking good ‘un! The very first Zombie movie ever, and still one of the best. The sound effects of the scene in the sugar mill alone will chill you to the core. The heroine is a complete dip, it must be admitted, and so is the hero for the first third of the film, But so were most people back then. The acting is very good indeed, with multiple memorable characters and the direction and script top notch.

From the YouTube notes: The first zombie film… ever! Bela Lugosi stars, in arguably his best performance next to Dracula, as Murder Legendre, voodoo master and keeper of the undead. Madge Bellamy, Robert Frazer, John Harron and Joseph Cawthorn co-star. Directed by Victor Halperin. Followed by the Lugosi-less “Revolt Of The Zombies” (1936). The film “White Zombie” and related promotional materials are public domain.

And for those who are still playing, rather than merely reading these commentaries, here are your game cards:

And our zombie-less (unless you count jaded civil servants in the background) CPAC video, which YouTube tells me currently has 107 viewers staring haplessly at a desk, an empty chair, and a row of carefully arranged Canadian flags.

Prime Minister Justin Trudeau speaks with reporters on Parliament Hill following his virtual meeting with Canada’s first ministers. Health transfers and vaccine distribution were on top of the agenda. The prime minister also provides an update on the federal government’s response to the COVID-19 (coronavirus disease) pandemic. He is joined by Intergovernmental Affairs Minister Dominic LeBlanc, as well as Dr. Theresa Tam, Canada’s chief public health officer, and Major-General Dany Fortin, vice-president of logistics and operations at the Public Health Agency of Canada and head of the country’s vaccine distribution efforts. Health Canada announced the previous day that it had approved Pfizer-BioNTech’s COVID-19 vaccine and Canada’s first shipment of doses is expected to arrive the week of December 14. An initial batch of up to 249,000 doses will arrive before the end of 2020.

Shout-out to the reporter reading an actual, physical newspaper while waiting for the briefing. Way to fly the flag!

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