Category Archives: Justin Trudeau

Walking in like Zoolander at the mine

Non-Election Election Bingo, Part the First

Posted on by

So, Possums, here we are again. Justin Trudeau has jettisoned the Covid-specific Briefings in favour of popping up all over the country, announcing huge federal investments in the local economy, affordable childcare, and offering to walk your dog and cut your lawn, all of which can’t possibly be motivated by hopes of winning your vote, because he hasn’t called an election yet.

Or rather, since he’s got a minority government, the NDP and CPC would rather die than give him an election at the present time, he hasn’t been ABLE to call an election yet, really.

A very smart person I know said the inevitable election will be October 10, because new MPs won’t be vested in their pensions until October 9, and they would NEVER support a party leader who risked their pensions just because he had a 25-point lead on the nearest competitor.

Time, Possums. It will tell. It’s certainly unlikely until Parliament reconvenes, which isn’t until September. God knows, those cottages need an airing-out after all this time away from them. Ch’yeah, like they haven’t been going all this time. Meanwhile I’ve been sitting in the same chair in the same room since March of last year.

For this first iteration of Non-Election Election Bingo, we’ll be using the old Covid Briefing Bingo cards, so there’s not much of a learning curve. Once I figure out how to edit a PDF I’ll make some non-election-specific cards, but that day, it is not this day. I know you, you can roll with this.

So here is our video, CPAC willing. They were getting a little erratic, towards the end of the Trudeau Covid briefings. French narration over top of the PM talking, audio dropping, not getting the placeholder for the livestream up in time. We shall see. It adds an element of suspense to an otherwise predictable appearance in Brampton, Ontario, that global hub of intrigue and danger.

Mark your “shades Doug Ford” square.
One suspects he does not take ALL the questions. One, in fact, knows this for sure.

Aha, here we are, 45 minutes late. Did he like, walk there or something? Let’s do this. Let us do this motherfucking thing.

Prime Minister Justin Trudeau make an announcement on housing and takes questions from reporters in Brampton, Ontario. He is joined by Social Development Minister Ahmed Hussen and Transport Minister Omar Alghabra, as well as Brampton-area Liberal MPs Maninder Sidhu, Kamal Khera, Ruby Sahota, and Sonia Sidhu.

And our cards are here:

Continue reading →
Justin Trudeau as Napoleon, from (where else) the National Post

The Napoleonic Covid Briefing Bingo

Posted on by

Hello, Possums, and welcome back to another episode of the Justin Trudeau Hour, coming to you live today from Rideau Cottage on the grounds of Rideau Hall, yet again. Just like old times, really. Will we have new porchscaping, Possums? An appearance from the family dog? Will we get the Sophie square? One is on tenterfuckinghooks, one is!

Today’s briefing is named after Napoleon, in accordance with our overarching nomenclature theme. Still no correct guesses in the comments section as to what that might be. But some plenty great visuals!

Justin Trudeau as Napoleon, from (where else) the National Post
Justin Trudeau as Napoleon, from (where else) the National Post

We shall see if either of my computers can make it through today’s #BriefingBingo alive. One can’t get on the internet, the other refuses to boot.

We’re running a bit behind, so today’s intro will be abbreviated in the interests of expeditiousness which, unusually for a Canadian political interest, has no money or votes at all to trade for influence, but where were we? Oh right, getting to the point.

Here’s the video:

Prime Minister Justin Trudeau addresses Canadians on the federal government’s response to the ongoing COVID-19 (coronavirus disease) pandemic.

Well, that was a right Royal or at least Imperial clusterfuck, wasn’t it?

You can bet Napoleon would have had the whole CPAC team beheaded today.

So let’s for once use the CBC video and you’ll want to skip to 13:30 to avoid all the talking heads CBC has on salary and has to give airtime to. Well, for all I know they’re very good, but they’re just the warm-up for the actual bingo, right Possums?

Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, federal ministers, and public health officials update Canadians on the latest measures the federal government is taking to slow the spread of COVID-19.

And here are our bingo cards:

Continue reading →
The Second Coming of Trudeau

The Sunburn Covid Briefing Bingo

Posted on by

Well, here we are again, Possums, doing another Covid Briefing Bingo just when we thought we’d never see another. With the continuously-imminent election uh, imminent, Justin Trudeau has an awful lot of other things on his plate, which is no doubt silver to match the spoons.

Oh, did I ever tell you my theory about why Boris Johnson hates boiled eggs? I did not, unless you were in the comments section of Boris’ blog about fifteen years ago, so here goes. We love a good digression around these parts, we surely do.

So, Boris Johnson, currently the Prime Minister of the Technically United But Actually Rapidly Disintegrating Kingdom, hates boiled eggs.

Now, you might not care, as I did not, as neither I nor you (in all probability) are egg farmers or egg restaurateurs. But there’s a delicious hook or two here: Schadenfreude and class war. And inorganic chemistry, which is always cool. We love a good inorganic chemistry digression, especially with lashings of class war and a dollop of Schadenfreude.

When you or I eat eggs, I bet you or I do so with a spoon made of steel. What happens when the steel meets the egg is…the egg gives, and we eat it. When a posh person such as Alexander Boris De Pfeffel Johnson (no really) eats an egg, he does it with a literally silver spoon. Or, if you’re just bougie, silver plate. And what happens when silver meets egg is, the silver reacts with the sulfur compounds in the egg and a really revolting gas is released.

So, the reason BoJo doesn’t like boiled eggs is, class privilege. I say we don’t tell him, and we keep all the nicely boiled and poached eggs to ourselves.

Dining privilege has its own pitfalls, Boris. Take note.

When you fly too close to the sun, you can get burned, as Canadian politicians routinely find out.

The Second Coming of Trudeau
The Second Coming of Trudeau Sunny Ways by Derrick Dale Johnson via https://derrickdalejohnsonartist.weebly.com/my-newest-painting-the-second-coming-of-trudeau-sunny-ways-2018.html

This is a Covid briefing post. It’s about a pandemic. Stick with me here.

Oh wait, speaking of tangents…

We are still in obedience to our arbitrarily though not randomly chosen naming convention of mystery. Today we are Sunburn, both in adherence to that convention (although we are 99% unconventional here normally ((but not conventionally))) and because we have been forgetting the sunscreen before heading out with Buddy to catch some Pokemon, and it takes better than an hour to hit all the Pokestops in the neighbourhood.

Buddy found one

And maybe also for some other politically resonant resons.

So far in this series we have had:

Covid briefing. Right, right. Focus.

Let’s dive right in. Here’s our CPAC video:

On Parliament Hill, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau discusses the federal government’s response to the ongoing COVID-19 (coronavirus disease) pandemic. He is joined virtually by Public Services and Procurement Minister Anita Anand, as well as Dr. Theresa Tam, Canada’s chief public health officer, Dr. Howard Njoo, deputy chief public health officer, and Brigadier-General Krista Brodie, the vice-president of logistics and operations at the Public Health Agency of Canada and head of the country’s vaccine distribution efforts.

And our Bingo cards, ten and counting. New one coming whenever I can be arsed which is anyone’s bet these days:

Continue reading →
It was not red nose day

The Sensitive-Nose Covid Briefing Bingo

Posted on by

You’re right, the title seems random.

It is anything but.

For literal months now, we’ve been naming these after an arbitrarily-chosen convention that has nothing (or very little) to do with the content. It’s almost like a metaphor for politics and media in the 21st Century.

Almost.

In any case, today we have Sensitive-Nose, which is in line with our naming convention and ALSO literally relevant because after my AZ jab my sense of smell went off the charts (upwards). Which has made living with The Roommate challenging at points, but he does seem to be transitioning to a low FODMAP diet, so that’s something. Not much, but at least now I can light a candle without blowing us all to Kingdom Come.

Anyhoodle so far we have had:

Please note that arbitrary does not equal random. Hashtag LessonsInPower.

If you think you know our naming convention, put your guesses in the comments section at the bottom of the post. You remember those? Don’t put it on Facebook; I may have once said something about Trump and how firing squads are an opportunity for national healing and a great way to promote volunteerism, and they haven’t allowed me back since Halloween of last year. Some people are so touchy!

It was not red nose day
Liberal Leader Justin Trudeau stands in the House of Commons during Question Period on Parliament Hill, in Ottawa, Monday June 17, 2013. THE CANADIAN PRESS/Fred Chartrand via https://thetyee.ca/Opinion/2014/06/03/Parliament-Bozo-Eruption/

Anyhoodle, here’s our video for today:

On Parliament Hill, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau discusses the federal government’s response to the ongoing COVID-19 (coronavirus disease) pandemic. He is joined virtually by Jim Carr, the federal government’s special representative for the Prairies, and Anita Anand, the minister of public services and procurement, as well as by Dr. Theresa Tam, Canada’s chief public health officer, and Dr. Howard Njoo, deputy chief public health officer.

And here are our Bingo cards, all ten of them. Play one or play them all: new one coming soon! That’s 250 squares in play. No wonder I’m always forgetting something!

Continue reading →
Trudeau feeds baby birbs some grub

The Grub Covid Briefing Bingo

Posted on by

So named not just for the massive grocery shop-up I’m about to do once this is a wrap, but ALSO for the squirmy little worm that fell out of my hair after my hike of the other day *shudders* and ALSO ALSO yet again after our mystery Overarching Nomenclature Theme that has nothing to do with politics, really. If you think you know what it is, put your guesses in the comments section. So far we have had:

Yanno, you can find almost anything on the Internet, including silicone worm molds from a company called Trudeau.com. Or a photoshop of Trudeau feeding grubs to baby birbs. Of course, he’s all over Grub Street.

What a time to be alive!

Trudeau feeds baby birbs some grub
Trudeau feeds baby birbs some grub and yes this is a photoshop

And now to today’s briefing. Here’s our video:

On Parliament Hill, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau discusses the federal government’s response to the ongoing COVID-19 (coronavirus disease) pandemic. He is joined virtually by federal ministers François-Philippe Champagne (innovation), Anita Anand (public services and procurement) and Patty Hajdu (health), as well as by Dr. Theresa Tam, Canada’s chief public health officer, and Dr. Howard Njoo, deputy chief public health officer.

Here are our cards:

Continue reading →