The Sensitive-Nose Covid Briefing Bingo

You’re right, the title seems random.

It is anything but.

For literal months now, we’ve been naming these after an arbitrarily-chosen convention that has nothing (or very little) to do with the content. It’s almost like a metaphor for politics and media in the 21st Century.

Almost.

In any case, today we have Sensitive-Nose, which is in line with our naming convention and ALSO literally relevant because after my AZ jab my sense of smell went off the charts (upwards). Which has made living with The Roommate challenging at points, but he does seem to be transitioning to a low FODMAP diet, so that’s something. Not much, but at least now I can light a candle without blowing us all to Kingdom Come.

Anyhoodle so far we have had:

Please note that arbitrary does not equal random. Hashtag LessonsInPower.

If you think you know our naming convention, put your guesses in the comments section at the bottom of the post. You remember those? Don’t put it on Facebook; I may have once said something about Trump and how firing squads are an opportunity for national healing and a great way to promote volunteerism, and they haven’t allowed me back since Halloween of last year. Some people are so touchy!

It was not red nose day
Liberal Leader Justin Trudeau stands in the House of Commons during Question Period on Parliament Hill, in Ottawa, Monday June 17, 2013. THE CANADIAN PRESS/Fred Chartrand via https://thetyee.ca/Opinion/2014/06/03/Parliament-Bozo-Eruption/

Anyhoodle, here’s our video for today:

On Parliament Hill, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau discusses the federal government’s response to the ongoing COVID-19 (coronavirus disease) pandemic. He is joined virtually by Jim Carr, the federal government’s special representative for the Prairies, and Anita Anand, the minister of public services and procurement, as well as by Dr. Theresa Tam, Canada’s chief public health officer, and Dr. Howard Njoo, deputy chief public health officer.

And here are our Bingo cards, all ten of them. Play one or play them all: new one coming soon! That’s 250 squares in play. No wonder I’m always forgetting something!

And we’re off, eight minutes late, which cheats you of the “starts more than ten minutes late” square.

Start with these squares: facial hair, blue suit, begins in English, mask, maple leaf accessory, and vaccine. #cdnpoli #BriefingBingo and also Team Canada and thanks frontline workers. “Third wave” square and “specific premier named” which I think is a square. We have ten now, that’s 250 squares, people. And mark “verbal malfunction” too. And “Foreshadows announcement made by someone else later” which is on I think the third card.

To paraphrase someone else, remember when we used to say “avoid it like the plague” because we assumed people would, you know, avoid the plague?

Holy crap, he’s talking about the anniversary of George Floyd’s death. Mark your “BLM” square.

I said mark your “Diversity” square, yes?

And now he’s talking about the arrest of the Belarusian journalist. “Illegal and completely unacceptable. We condemn it and call for his immediate release.” He’s not pulling any punches. Mark your “NATO” square. Remember how Trump wanted to cancel NATO but couldn’t because it’s not just an American thing? Yeah, NATO scares Putin.

WAKE UP JIM and mark your “someone is on mute” square. Justin Trudeau is the most well-paid Zoom moderator in the world, it’s always him telling people they’re on mute.

And mark your “Third Wave” square. And “technical difficulties” because I can’t get this computer to cooperate with my attempt to liveblog it, so check http://raincoaster.com in an hour or so for the post. Can’t do it in realtime. And mark “Red Cross”.

Mark “Building back better” which is on the rise lately. And “PPE”. I don’t think Manitoba is a square but if it is, mark it. And I’m thinking mark the “Someone has a better background than Anita Anand” square too. A cartoon of one’s self is pretty badass.

Mark your Dr Tam square, and Cases Are Down as well, the best square. ALL of the stats are down: diagnoses, ICU patients, deaths, the gamut. Mind you, she said “BEFORE THE LONG WEEKEND” because you never know.

No. We know. Sadly, Possums, we know.

Dr Tam’s background is looking a little worn. Somebody needs to get a sharpie on that and do some touch-ups. They probably didn’t think they’d need it for more than a fucking year, eh?

And as usual mark your “Dr Njoo isn’t wearing glasses” square, and also your “My aunt calls during the briefing” square.

Did I hear correctly? Is Trudeau only taking FOUR questions today? That seems…titrated to an anally extreme extent. That, Possums, does not pass the smell test.

Mark your “Pushes hair back” square. Getting shaggy in here. Do I have a square for that?

And he’s answering That Same Question About Protecting French and Nationhood for Quebec, in a not sure if it’s beating or dancing around the bush way, but it’s very doublethink, very very doublethink. Yes, of course they’re a nation. Within Canada. I’m wondering if he’s using the First Nations model to somehow process this nonsensical statement, but they were literally Here First. France was just Here Later. C’mon, my dude, I was born in France and I’m not as culturally imperialistic as that. Besides, nobody wants to clean up the mess Alberta will make once they declare themselves a Nation.

I’m gonna give you the “fails to translate the answer into the other official language” because one sentence does NOT do it, and that is by design. He doesn’t want Anglo Canada to hear this. Not. At. Alllllll. But he does want Quebec to hear it, because he needs those votes.

Mark your “Red Cross” and “Military” squares. and he’s strenuously avoiding “shading provinces” here because he needs premier’s support for the looming election. Which he won’t get if the other provinces hear about him giving Quebec nationhood.

Oh hey, maybe his long term game plan is to break off the Nation of Quebec and become Prince Regent, then King once the English monarchy falls apart, which it appears ready to do any instant, never having recovered from the shock of one of their own marrying a Black American.

Fetch me my pearls, for I must clutch them! A fainting couch, fainting couch to the living room, stat.

Cunning devil, he could probably get away with it, too. Where is Jessica Mulroney in all of this plot? Is she the Dreyfus in this affair, or is she merely a diamond in the necklace? Well, that’s all speculation, but she certainly IS the third or fourth best stylist named Jessica in Toronto.

That is not in dispute.

And now back to our regular liveblog:

If I were the tchotchke consultant to these briefings, I’d be certain to provide the PM with a more expensive looking pen. And he just completely shut down a reporter’s question which almost makes me wish I’d heard the question over The Roommate’s noisy futzing around. My confidential sources on Twitter whisper the following:

It was a question on his personal opinion about Quebec’s nationhood. Do I have a square for “Trudeau bunts?” I think I do, Possums. Mark it.

There have been more acts of Anti-Semitism in 2021 so far than in all of 2020 which was itself a bad year. And that gets you “Hate has no place in Canada”.

and that’s it for Trudeau. Mark your “Camera follows him out of the room although someone else is speaking.”

Yanno what square we haven’t had that I thought we would have in these briefings lately? “Covid fatigue.” I mean, we still all have it, but the panelists are not talking about it. They’re cheered up by decreasing statistics. Meanwhile, out here in non-panelist Canada:

Dr. Njoo gives you the “donc” square about a million times, and of course mark your “someone appears via video” square which I always forget.

Mark your “AstraZeneca” square and we already had Moderna and Pfizer, which reminds me to finish that third post I have about my own side effects from AstraZeneca, which continue to this day, almost four weeks on, but they’re getting better. Worth a read, Possums. Here’s Part The First, Part The Second, and if I get it done in time, Part The Third.

Every time I cover these briefings I think “Tonda MacCharles is smart” and it’s always true, even if the deputy PM doesn’t point it out, which she sometimes does.

And that’s a wrap. Now to stud this with appropriate tweets and get it posted.

Meanwhile, all over the world there’s a critical shortage, or rather, a critical issue of hoarding for profit-taking:

And we kind of love this, to be honest.

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