Category Archives: Literary

how to stuff a blog

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blogwars! 

from Gawker, who helpfully shares some blog-stuffing tips for the sake of their Dark Lord, Nick Denton, who is slumming it this week as a writer for Valleywag (fluffing the VC’s, Nick?). One gawktease commenter has requested my email, claiming many and varied interesting Gawker tidbits, but has yet to put out for me. I’m not going to wait forever, baby; show me yours and I’ll show you mine.

Meanwhile, I appear to be the only one who reads these tips and thinks “those would work for blogging drunk, too.” See the rest of this blog for examples.

  • Photoshop and other graphical tricks can often disguise the fact that your posts have little or no information in them.
  • “This thing looks like that thing” never gets old. Ask Kurt Andersen!…
  • Engage the commenters. Sure, some of them can be truculent or deliberately obtuse, but the involvement of a comment community can really make any post – no matter how vapid or desperate – appear to be a riot of activity.
  • Don’t be afraid to be hypocritical. Worried about castigating someone for committing the exact same practices in which you usually engage? Don’t give it a second thought! Who remembers? And if someone does, and e-mails you an angry response, hey, free post!
  • Naked chicks amp up clickthroughs. Rock ’em…
  • When all else fails, never underestimate the power of a screengrab to masquerade as actual content. It’s quick, it’s easy, and requires little effort on your part.

    • Cthulhu comix

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    How can you resist the Unspeakable Vault (of Doom) eh?

    Unspeakable Vault of Doom, Cthulhu's Pillow!

    thanksgiving prayer: William S. Burroughs

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    One of the greatest pieces of American political criticism of the late 20th Century. I urge you to listen carefully, and repeatedly, particularly as the American Thanksgiving approaches, and to ponder the truths and untruths of Burroughs’ powerful statement.

    unclear on the concept

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    stolen from Gawker. Location, location, location!

    Not Chick Lit...Chick Lit.

    V for “Visits Washington”: rally alert November 14th!

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    V at the DoJRush right out to your local Tesco, Superstore, or WalMart (okay, maybe not WalMart. Target) and stock up on V masks, wigs, and devilishly sexy cloaks in time for the big V rally in Washington this Tuesday, November 14th. Hat optional.

    quarsan dropped this in a comment on Guido‘s site;  it seems that V has visited the White House. Not only the White House, in fact, but several other important sites including the Department of Justice, and brought along a cameraman to document the whole, lamentably fireworks-free yet historic event.

    V draws a small, and small-arms armed, crowdAnd what did the masked man encounter? A round dozen security personnel everywhere he went, virtually all of whom were supportive and polite. Whodathunkit? Then again, it’s a New Day in America, Rumsfeld is on pogey, Britney is getting divorced, and the Democrats have arisen after spending their last several Midterms in darkness.

    Anything could happen. This is what did:

    “V” Meets The Secret Service
     
    Accepted As The Vox Populi

    On Monday, November 6, 2006, “V” visited security check points at the White House, the main Treasury, IRS and Justice Department Buildings and the Capitol. “V’s” purpose was to deliver the People’s Petitions for Redress of Grievances relating to the Government’s violations of the war powers, tax, privacy and money clauses of the Constitution, and to inform key Government officials that at least 100 more “Vs” would be at their doorstep on November 14th expecting a response to the Petitions. 

    At the White House about a dozen Secret Service agents appeared on foot, bicycles and car to meet “V.” While virtuously assuring the security of the state, they were curious about the image of “V” and asked many questions. Most, when asked if they had seen the movie “V for Vendetta”, smiled their approval.

    V chez WWhen an agent asked if “V” would remove his mask for identification purposes, “V” explained that would defeat the very purpose of the mask, which was to give expression to the fact that the nation was becoming a police state, that too many people were becoming afraid to be identified as dissenters or protestors, and that this was not in the long term interest of a free people.  The agents accepted the veracity of “V’s” message and refrained from veering “V” from his vanguard visit as the vox populi.

    Bestill my foolish heart! I’m a sucker for a politically active anarchist who’s a whiz with alliteration.