I think this one nicely sums up everything I’ve always felt so compelling about Great Cthulhu. And I found it via a drunken stagger around a Swedish/Irish blog I found because of Japanese Goth glamour models.
So it all makes total sense.
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You won’t have heard about this in school, unless, that is, you went to school in Y’ha-nthlei like some of us. The War of the Roses, the Thirty Year’s War, the Boer War…Boering!
The Great Octopus/Potato War is far from over, although
its origins lie in the mist-shrouded vales of distant history. The blog No Sword has unravelled the tangled accounts and written the definitive (so far!) history of these great and bloody battles. It is the opinion of this blogger, as well as the entire staff of Miskatonic University, that great historic events should be understood and explained in terms of art history much more often than they typically are. We can but hope to enrich our knowledge of the Battle of Marengo by analyzing the conformation of Napoleon‘s famous steed in the great portrait, and to reach a level of understanding of the American Revolution through a paintstroke analysis of Washington Crossing the Delaware.
Let us begin by examining the famous picture more closely. [ed note: yes, by all means let us begin thusly!] The octopus soldiers display a confidence that borders on arrogance. One claims to be able to do the work of eight men — clearly a hubristic miscalculation, unless he believes that humans and by extension potatoes can only use one arm at a time.
Nevertheless, the octopus troop is clearly unwilling to go on the offensive. They taunt and spit, but do not attack. This insulting treatment can only have be an attempt to provoke the potato soldiers into an ill-advised attack on the octopus position, and it seems to have worked precisely as intended…
Earlier in 1868 alone, they had already taken heavy losses in the brutal East-West Fart-Off (東西屁ひりくらへ — left, right) even as they provided logistical support for another, unrelated Fart Battle (屁合戦兵粮 — left, right) elsewhere…
This gem of military art history appreciation (truly, it’s as if Toynbee himself had fathered a love child with Sister Wendy!) comes our way via Japanprobe.
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Stolen from the Silliness.org blog, which got it from god-knows-where, same place we all got it from: the email hole.
Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?
DR. SEUSS
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes! The chicken crossed the road,
but why it crossed, I’ve not been told!ERNEST HEMINGWAY
To die. In the rain.MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.GRANDPA
In my day, we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.PAT BUCHANAN
To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.ARISTOTLE
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.KARL MARX
It was a historical inevitability.SADDAM HUSSAIN (this used to be Hitler, then Qadaffi)
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.RONALD REAGAN
What chicken?CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.FOX MULDER
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?FREUD
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossing the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.BILL GATES
I have just released chicken 99, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook-and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of chicken.EINSTEIN
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?BILL CLINTON
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken please?GEORGE W. BUSH
I don’t think I should have to answer that question.JERRY FALWELL
Because the chicken was gay! Isn’t it obvious?
Can’t you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the “other side.” That’s what “they” call it, the “other side”.
Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like “the other side.” That chicken should not be free to cross the road. It’s as plain and simple as that.LOUIS FARRAKHAN
The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the “black man” in order to trample him and keep him down.THE BIBLE
And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, “Thou shalt cross the road” And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.COLONEL SANDERS
I missed one?
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Landsharks in New Jersey. Movie stars mauled by legions of Australian jellyfish. Desert Sharks cruising the Outback. Great leapin’ sturgeon attacks! Who could be behind it all?
I understand politicans kissing babies; although babies don’t vote, their parents do. One has to wonder, however, if either Putin has now extended suffrage to Deep Ones or Chernobyl was really a helluva lot worse than they told us: can’t wait to get a gander at the proud parents of this one!
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raincoaster 