Category Archives: Lush Life

the hottest pet trend in the entirety of recorded human history

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And, ladies and gentlemen, we do not use those words lightly.

No indeed. This incredible creature is destined for the historic pantheon of pets, the greatest companions humankind has ever known, up there with the sadly now-endangered Tree Octopus, the Drop Bear, and the tragically extinct Longhorse.

Plaidies, Plaid French BulldogsWhat is this miraculous creature? It is the Plaid French Bulldog, otherwise known as Le Bouledogue Français Écossais, a long-lost, recently revived gesture of friendship and solidarity between the people of Brittany and the deposed king of Scotland, England and Wales, James II and VII.

These animals are the only dogs to come in natural plaid patterns, including a dazzling, Lilly Pulitzer-esque pink and green calico plaid pattern that would be the envy of any gay Preppie. Hat-tip to Smartdogs for the tipoff; these babies will sell like gateaux chauds!

From the site of the only breeder in the world currently offering genuine Plaid French Bulldogs:

…since it is a simple fact of life that things which cost more are inherently better, you can rest assured that our Plaid pups come with the absolute highest price for a French Bulldog that you will ever see. In fact, we guarantee it – if you find a Plaid French Bulldog that costs more than ours do, just let us know, and we’ll charge you the extra difference…

…ask us about our certified Clan Authentic Plaidies, just in time for Highland Games seasons. You’ll toss your caber when you see how cute our authentic Clan MacGregor pups are!

Plaid French Bulldogs© – If you don’t have one, you sure do suck!™

Hard to argue with that.

How to: spend your carbon tax rebate

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My cousin emailed me this. No idea where she stole it from, because for once it didn’t have a hundred thousand email addresses in the forwarding history:

The provincial government is sending each of us a $100 Carbon Tax rebate.

If we spend it at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China.

If we spend it on gasoline, the money will go to the Arabs.

If we purchase a computer it will go to India.

If we purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala.

If we purchase a good car, it will go to Japan.

If we purchase useless crap it will go to Taiwan,

and none of it will help the B.C. economy.

The only way to keep the money here at home is to spend it on prostitutes, weed,

beer and tattoos since these are the only products still produced in British Columbia.

Thank you for your help and please support B.C.

A Man of Mystery

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Russell Crowe, before the paunch

For no reason I can imagine except that my life has been deprived of it so far, a DVD of the movie Gladiator has just shown up in my mailbox, purchased from Amazon on my behalf by a name I do not recognize with no further contact details.

Hmmmmmmm.

The only person who’s really been outraged by the fact that I haven’t yet been exposed to the buff and beefy (instead of just puffy) version of Russell Crowe is a gay man whose name is definitely not the one on the receipt.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Oh well, the timing couldn’t be better as I will be taking it easy today as I was up till all hours last night with the Shebeen Club drinking: one Strongbow (why do I do this? why do I inventory it?), two and a half glasses of wine which Lydia bought, one Highland Park 12 year old whiskey which I bought (and bought Lydia one, leaving me effectively penniless till the paypal hits the bank around Friday) and then ran into an old friend on the way home who waylaid me for another two (or was it three?) pints of Dead Frog Nut Brown Ale at the ‘Ho.

You know? The ‘Ho? It doesn’t blow!

A friend of mine got taken to the Ivanhoe for her first legal beer on her birthday. I don’t know how many she had, nor does she because she had that many. How many? So many she passed out and woke up around three in the morning, sitting in a corner with her purse in her lap and a blanket thrown over her. Nothing was missing, either.

Britney Spears: Gimme More Jelly Babies!

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And now for something completely trivial: a unicorn chaser if you will.

Looks like Britney‘s come to terms with the fact that her post-childbirth figure will never return to the sveltitide of her Oops I Did It Again days. This new version of her comeback hit Gimme More is even more scandalous than the stripper-pole-themed original, as all the dancers in this version are completely naked, save for a tantalizing dusting of powdered sugar.

Wonder how she sneaked THAT past the censors at YouTube!

via UKPopSugar

(I always feel bad when I leave them out of the Ayyyy.com link roundup, because they always link back to us, but there’s only so much I can do with Jordan and Beth Ditto, ya know?)

Monkees Psychedelia: Star Collector

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This is what Nine Inch Nails‘s Starfuckers, Incorporated looked like in 1967, performed by The Monkees.

It looked pretty good, actually.

I have to say, the combination of YouTube pixillation and psychedelic staging is a marriage made in Heaven, or at least in Malibu. I actually have this album (Pisces, Aquarius, Capricorn and Jones Ltd) on vinyl; picked it up at a garage sale, I believe, along with a couple of others when I was at boarding school, which means around the end of the Seventies.

And for those of you who may have, in some misguided and doubtless drunken stupor, expressed skepticism regarding the talent of the great Mike Nesmith, listen to this song: Mary, Mary, which Paul Butterfield called a great white soul song. He was right.

and yes, I know the video is out of synch with the audio.
Doesn’t mean your ears don’t work, right?