eel be all right soon

You won't eel a thing

You won't eel a thing

Look, dude, just close your eyes and get it over with. It’ll all be over soon. You’re just lucky your friend is too stupid to understand his boss’s orders: normally, when they say “Sleep with the fishes” they don’t mean sleep, you know what I’m sayin’? And I’m not going to tell him.

Isabella Rossellini fills the convents! (raincoaster)

Parker Posey is no angel either (Ayyyy)

Putin aside temptation (Lolebrity)

Industry Swiftly makes Kanye prOn (AgentBedhead)

Conan O’Brien is a cunning linguist (BusyBeeBlogger)

Adrien Brody is pursued by a succubus from Hell (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Angels get pregnant? (CelebritySmack)

Celebrity hobos (CityRag)

Cojo eulogizes Liz Hurley’s dress (CojoStyle)

Recession fashion tips from Vivienne Westwood (CyberBoris)

Kanye in the Sky with a microphone? (DailyStab)

Anne Hathaway is Jake Gyllenhaal’s guardian angel (EvilBeet)

Don’t EVER touch Charlie Sheen’s watch (Earsucker)

These are your people’s choices (GabbyBabble)

and deliver us from Speidi (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Un-chain Hilary Swank’s heart (GoFugYourself)

A Kardashian is judging you (HaveUHeard)

Russell Brand leaves his wife for Prince Charles (INeedMyFix)

Victoria Beckham and her incubus step out in daylight (JustJared)

Shalit be time for trading places? (Movieline)

The government hates your boss too (PerezHilton)

and in related news, Castro is still alive (PoorBritney)

Before Pee-Wee! (SeriouslyOMG)

 

Career Advice I Should Have Heeded

They did things like Heeding in those days.
I should have listened!

I should have listened!

Joel is no mystery man (raincoaster)
Gary Oldman, man of a thousand grooming choices (Lolebrity)
Nigella Lawson and John Cusack would be a dream couple(Manolofood)
Norman Mailer and a poodle (Ayyyy)
Ewww, Simon Cowell arms! (AgentBedhead)
Whut up, Don Draper? (BusyBeeBlogger)
Mariah, that’s not very flattering to your husband (CeleBitchy)
Two and a Half Times as much Idiocy (CelebDirtyLaundry)
The Addams Family paints the town black (CityRag)
Who’s Sari Now? (CojoStyle)
The 90′s are back and your local arena’s got ‘em! (DailyStab)
Now THAT is a funny caption (DListed)
Yeah, but do they KEEP it down? (GirlsTalkinSmack)
Harry Hughini? (HaveUHeard)
Kiefer is coming! Kiefer is coming! (INeedMyFix)
The bodyguard shakedown breakdown (PoorBritney)
We ALL feel that way, honey (SeriouslyOMG)

Banksy trick or treat!

This is SO going to be my Halloween Costume next year

This is SO going to be my Halloween Costume next year

A real live Banksy painting? How could I resist blogging this, I ask yez!

Happy Halloween from 1928 (raincoaster)
This Bear Jew takes no prisoners (Lolebrity)
How to dispose of the body (ManoloFood)
US now exporting celebrity wingnuts (CelebrityBeehive)
Crocman stalks Hollywood! (Ayyyy)
Shirley Manson recycles Garbage (AgentBedhead)
Jason Statham is unsafe at any speed (BusyBeeBlogger)
Katy Perry has a bad case of Russell Brand (CeleBitchy)
If these two crazy kids can’t make it, then who can?(CelebDirtyLaundry)
Cougar keeps her dog on leash for now (CelebritySmack)
Horrifying celebrity Halloween costumes (CojoStyle)
So that’s ONE blind item solved (DailyStab)
Beyonce returns from Sweden (EvilBeet)
The scent of revenge! (GabbyBabble)
Katy and Russell get even more bull (GirlsTalkinSmack)
Demi Moore tortures a child (GoFugYourself)
Kim Kardashian’s Halloween costume is definitely not a Treat(HaveUHeard)
Rihanna dresses up for Halloween (INeedMyFix)
Leo DiCaprio is going to be a serial killer (JustJared)
She has FANS? (PerezHilton)
The greatest musical triumph since Springtime for Hitler(PoorBritney)
Kristy McNichol is ageless (SeriouslyOMG)

 

Kuato sings Chocolate Rain

We’ve long been Kuatonatics around the ol’ raincoaster blog, and not just because of his cunning linguistic skills and way with teh ladeez. No indeed, he’s a true Renaissance monster, complete with musical talents beyond the pink harmonica, as you can see from this moving edition of Tay Zonday’s instant classic from a couple of years back, Chocolate Rain.

in related news, here’s Chad Vader’s cover.

Stick it to zombies with this bedtime story for grownups (raincoaster)
Does Sharon Stone bathe in virgin’s blood? (Ayyyy)
Sarah Jessica Parker reeks of the open grave (Lolebrity)
I’m going as this spicy hot stuff for Halloween (ManoloFood)
Welcome your weekend of horror (CelebrityBeehive)
Lindsay Lohan to be saved from fate as flesh-eating monster (AgentBedhead)
Well, that’s ONE way to get a vampire’s attention (BusyBeeBlogger)
Can one of these heros save us? (CeleBitchy)
The sex tape rumour that Will! Not! Die! (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Every Day is Halloween! (CelebritySmack)
Celebrity Halloween treats (CityRag)
I’m sorry, Anne Hathaway, but this is horrifying (CojoStyle)
Kim Kardashian makes the punchlines too easy (DailyStab)
Elizabeth Hasselbeck is not long for this world (DListed)
Damien? (Earsucker)
Hideous corpse walks the Earth, needs pants (EvilBeet)
The year they cancelled Halloween (fourfour)
Zombie Justice for Anna Nicole Smith (GabbyBabble)
The Story That Will Not Die continues (GirlsTalkinSmack)
The Shoes That Will Not Die rise again (HaveUHeard)
Unspeakable golem creature forces human into servitude (INeedMyFix)
Jude Law vs Cthulhu! (JustJared)
The Halloween Hater’s guide (Movieline)
Emma Roberts calls for help! (PerezHilton)
Elusive creature sighted (PoorBritney)

 

Deadbeat Club Unicorn Chaser

It hasn't begun till the unicorn sings

It hasn't begun till the unicorn sings

So it’s a little later than Wednesday this week; still, you can always use a good unicorn chaser, can you not? And what could be perkier, happier, or more charming than the B-52’s singing the theme song of every blogger I know, Deadbeat Club?

I once had a Facebook group called that, for the purpose of hosting FNFF, short for Friday Night Fuck Fest, but consisting of people who generally have nothing better to do on a Friday night than sit at the computer, drinking, and commenting on other people’s websites. Which actually isn’t a bad way to spend a Friday night, if you have half a bottle of something decent, a good connection, and time on your hands. Now that I don’t have an office, even a home office, anymore, those days are behind me. I swear, I’m paying so damn much for inferior coffee every damn day that I might as well just rent an office; it’d be cheaper.

Hence this choice of Unicorn Chaser.

It should also be noted that, after several years’ quest, I finally have that leopard coat. I do not, however, have the huge ’60’s eyes, but it’s on my wish list for the next life.

Deadbeat Club

I was good, I could talk

A mile a minute,

On this caffeine buzz I was on

We were really hummin’

We would talk every day for hours

We belong to the deadbeat club

Anyway we can,

We’re gonna find something

We’ll dance in the garden

In torn sheets in the rain

We’re the deadbeat club

We’re the deadbeat club
Going down to Allen’s for

A twenty-five cent beer

And the jukebox playing real loud,

“Ninety-six tears”

We’re wild girls walkin’ down the street

Wild girls and boys going out for a big time

Let’s go crash that party down

In Normaltown tonight

Then we’ll go skinny-dippin’

In the moonlight

We’re wild girls walkin’ down the street

Wild girls and boys going out for a big time

Anyway we can

We’re gonna find something

We’ll dance in the garden

In torn sheets in the rain

Chorus

Oh no! Here they come

The members of the deadbeat club