Kim Jong Il: welcome to Antenora

Kim Jong Il my urine will bring us victory

Kim Jong Il my urine will bring us victory

There’s no use wishing Kim Jong-Il will rest in peace, because that would be the farthest thing from justice this or any other world could perpetrate. If it weren’t such a long walk, I’d put my dancing shoes on for this. Instead, in keeping with my new mantle of professionalism, I have decided to make this exclusive photojournalism report on Kim Jong-Il‘s journey to Antenora, the Second Round of the Ninth Circle of HellFirst, let’s remember the Beloved Leader as he was in life:

Yep, that’s pretty much it. Now direct to our exclusive coverage, featuring pix from those intrepid photogs over at the World’s Suddenly Least Purposeful Blog, KimJongIlLookingAtThings.

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Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand CUT!

Viggo Peaces Out

Viggo Peaces Out

Strangest direction to an actor ever?

You’re not walking like a Jew, Viggo.

Let’s review:

Well, my first choice for Jew Demonstrating Jewish Walking is a washout, alas, but it did turn me on to one of the greatest websites of all time: JewOrNotJew!

For reference, this walk is virtually part Jewish almost most of the time.

This one is a safe fallback:

Note red carpet, velvet ropes, and soundtrack. Hmmm, is Kanye Jewish too?

Oh, and in reference to the title, if you want to know if Viggo‘s circumsized, you can get The Indian Runner, which has several seconds of full-frontal Viggo. Some frames of which have been moderately photoshopped.

Viggo with muppets

Viggo with muppets by Michaelangelo okay not really.

Steve Jobs’s Afterlife

In the current state of affairs, there is obviously one question and one question only that must be on the minds of all the most intelligent citizens of the world, be they in Ponape or Rhode Island.

Or even Cupertino.

If, indeed, Steve Jobs is/was/will be the unspeakable Elder God Cthulhu, what’s his next move?

At last, we have our answer. And it is GLORIOUS!

Cthulhu vs Thomas Kinkade

Cthulhu vs Thomas Kinkade: there's an app for that

From Gawker commenter Sugarfly McQueen:

His earthly techno-geek duties finally at an end, He’s been called to fulfill a greater purpose: destroying Thomas Kinkade pictures from the inside out.

Somewhere, Steve is chuckling. And rolling up his sleeves.

Steve Jobs ponders his next sexxxy move

Steve Jobs ponders his next sexxxy move

Good God Celebrity Links!

Artefact by Dariusz Zawadzki

Artefact by Dariusz Zawadzki

I had one of these things. I needed it to hook up the 1990 era tv to the DVD player and the Blu Ray. On alternate nights it could pick up CBC Mars.

If you want to see what other crazy shit an unjust and potentially insane god has cooked up for you, click over the jump and see what our professional meatpuppetry is up to today. In other words, celebrity gossip links.

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Rapture Readiness: a Public Service Announcement

In Case of Raptor

In Case of Raptor

We all know the Rapture is coming. And we pretty much all know we, ourselves, are not going to be beamed straight to Heaven by Saint Scotty’s magical transporter, so it behooves those of us who will be Left Behind (shades of grade school!) to prepare as best we might for life in a post-apocalyptic, zombie paradise.

But just in case it doesn’t happen, I’m doing what a Facebook friend suggested, and leaving empty shoes filled with glitter outside all the gay bars I can find, just to confuse the Christians.

In case of Rip Taylor

In case of Rip Taylor

Here’s a very servicey video from our friend FrontierFormerEditor on practical ways to prepare for the looting which will inevitably ensue. Get your shopping carts in good working order now, people!

and if that doesn’t cover all your bases, here is a small roundup of Top Rapture Tweets. Yes, I expect this to trend BIG over the next two days. Apologies I can’t grab the Tweetshots, but Tweetshots appears to have been Raptured already.

  • From ApocalypseHow: Hmm, the world ends the same week as Oprah’s show does? “EVERYBODY gets a CAR! Or thrown into the LAKE OF FIRE!”
  • Bug Girl: A friend suggested we leave empty shoes filled with glitter outside gay bars on Rapture day. I can totes see you doing that :)
  • Sean Percival: How about an inbox rapture instead? Just leave behind the naughty ones like my Agent Provocateur newsletters.
In case of rupture

In case of rupture

And here are zombie invasion survival tips from the Center for Disease Control. Boy, the government looks after everything, don’t they?

The rise of zombies in pop culture has given credence to the idea that a zombie apocalypse could happen. In such a scenario zombies would take over entire countries, roaming city streets eating anything living that got in their way. The proliferation of this idea has led many people to wonder “How do I prepare for a zombie apocalypse?”

Well, we’re here to answer that question for you, and hopefully share a few tips about preparing for real emergencies too!

So what do you need to do before zombies…or hurricanes or pandemics for example, actually happen? First of all, you should have an emergency kit in your house. This includes things like water, food, and other supplies to get you through the first couple of days before you can locate a zombie-free refugee camp (or in the event of a natural disaster, it will buy you some time until you are able to make your way to an evacuation shelter or utility lines are restored). Below are a few items you should include in your kit, for a full list visit the CDC Emergency page.

  • Water (1 gallon per person per day)
  • Food (stock up on non-perishable items that you eat regularly)
  • Medications (this includes prescription and non-prescription meds)
  • Tools and Supplies (utility knife, duct tape, battery powered radio, etc.)
  • Sanitation and Hygiene (household bleach, soap, towels, etc.)
  • Clothing and Bedding (a change of clothes for each family member and blankets)
  • Important documents (copies of your driver’s license, passport, and birth certificate to name a few)
  • First Aid supplies (although you’re a goner if a zombie bites you, you can use these supplies to treat basic cuts and lacerations that you might get during a tornado or hurricane)

That is what I call Taking Care of Your People! Remember, it’s time to get that granny cart and the acetylene torch all tuned up. Only 48 Earthly hours left!