Merry Christmas and Happy Birthday, Jesus and Shane McGowan

Happy Birthday Jesus from Camden Town

Yes, they have the same birthday; it just seems so right, once you know it, doesn’t it?

And I was thinking of them both today, when I went out in this podunk town for a two-hour walk and, of all the people I passed, including the church group that was loudly praying to the empty downtown sidewalks, not one said, “Merry Christmas.”

Not one.

Now, I may live in a pretty ratfuck part of the big city, but we always hear that small towns are frendlier. It’s a certain fact I couldn’t walk around the Downtown Eastside for two hours without hearing Merry Christmas repeatedly, and sometimes even from sober persons. Whichever PR firm small towns are hiring to spread this myth around, they’ve earned their money, cuz not one word of that claim is true. Hell, the only one who even looked me in the eye was the chocolate lab whose owner yanked him roughly away because for a second I looked like I might pet the doggy. Oh, perish the thought.

So, the following pair of videos and the following classic Christmas story (which I post every year, and you should read every time I post it, you’ll thank me) go out to those three men I saw sitting on the bar stools at the pub, staring into space with one carefully calibrated empty seat between each of them, presumably for Clarence. Or Harvey.

Happy Birthday, Jesus:

Happy Birthday, Shane:

And Merry Christmas, Everyone!

This is simply the finest, most moving and remarkable Christmas story I have ever encountered, and I have, as I happened to have remarked recently, well over two dozen books of Christmas stories. Moving as it does from England to Saudi Arabia to the far eastern tip of Russia, it qualifies as multiculti, too! It is a unique jewel by an author who emerged from nowhere, left this small masterpiece for us, and vanished again into a swirling blizzard of obscurity. I’ll post it using the MORE tag, so that if you enjoy it you can read the rest. If you don’t enjoy it, I suggest you seek medical assistance promptly, for your brain matter must be leaking out your ears or something. Merry Christmas!

A Christmas Story
By Sarban (John W. Wall)

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Scientifically Speaking…

marriedtothesea.com

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My Secret Boyfriend: photo proof of suitability

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This explains so much about Imaginary Boyfriend #2 (see Imaginary Boyfriend #1 here) former British Prime Minister Tony Blair.

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Yog-Sothoth reflects

Yog-Sothoth reflects

Seldom-glimpsed Great Old One Yog-Sothoth, the All-In-One and One-In-All makes an unusual appearance in London to ponder the fleeting nature of the seasons, to enjoy the stunning views along the river, and to drive a few of the simpering locals into an irrevocable, gibbering, terror-born madness.

NOBODY puts Bubbly in the corner!

Greaser’s Palace: my next must-see DVD

Greasers Palace

A Sixties stoner cowboy movie about Jesus: why not, eh?

Apparently the DVD of Greaser’s Palace exists, but only as a rare (and, thus, overpriced) collectable. But I must have it; the Youtubes and online references are simply too tantalizing. Don’t believe me? Check it out:

And a review from Badmovies.org:

You are probably thinking to yourself, “It couldn’t be that outlandish. Could it?” Go and look up “naive” in the dictionary. Now.

The entire movie is an anecdote [I think he means “allegory”] for religion, Christianity to be precise… Greaser’s Palace is a huge saloon in some tumbleweed town out west… Seaweedhead Greaser is the Catholic Church as represented by a gunslinger with itchy trigger fingers. Why in the world does he have a mariachi band and his mother locked in wooden cages? The musicians are easy to explain; they provide entertainment while Greaser tries to have bowel movements (which he is unable to do)…

Right from the start it is evident that Greaser hates Lamy Homo (pronounced as “lay me homo”). He shoots, stabs, and even dumps the little guy down a well. The Church’s efforts to eradicate his homo problem are to no avail; Jessy keeps bringing the reluctant Lazarus back. Lamy consistently recites the same story upon his return from the other side and it’s a trip. Readers old enough to remember when Puff relaxed immigration laws and all those runny noses invaded Honah-Lee (Honalee? Hon-a-lee? Who knows?) might identify with me. It’s that weird.

Any movie about Western religion would be incomplete without Martin Luther; so where is he? He is the man trying to perform a card trick for Seaweedhead. Check it out, the would-be magician does the old “pick a card, any card” bit. He then holds up card after card, inquiring “This one? How about this one? That one?” Poor Martin Luther, trying in vain to decide which interpretation is correct. History says the man finally gave up and just wrote something to the effect of “Figure it out for yourself!” Then he went to get a hammer and nails, but I’m getting sidetracked.

Not at all, not at all. It makes SO MUCH SENSE now. If only I’d seen this movie before I took all those Religious Studies courses at University!

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