the Stupid Security Awards, from Privacy International

Gotta luv Frank ZappaOooooh, I just know all my friends will be up for this challenge. Privacy International‘s offering a small roundup of awards for stupid security procedures, whether at the high school, the garbage cans, the airport, or just at the border between the US and Manitoba which is patrolled on the US side by armed militiamen, and on the Canadian side by two red cones, which represents, by the way, a doubling of security on Canada‘s part.

Let no man say we don’t take TWAT seriously!

Raise fears, sink hopes, ooops I mean foes

In any case, here’s the scoop on the Stupid Security Awards, and may the stupidest win. Note that it is open to everyone, internationally.

Stupid security has become a global menace. From the airport that this month emptied out a full plane because a passenger was drinking from a lemonade bottle, to the British schools that fingerprint their children to “stop” the theft of library books, to the airline company that refused to allow passengers to bring books or magazines onto the plane, the world has become infested with bumptious administrators competing to hinder or harass us – and often for no good reason whatever.

The sensitive and sensible folk at Privacy International have endured enough of this treatment. So we are running an international competition to discover the world’s most pointless, intrusive, stupid and self-serving security measures.

The “Stupid Security Awards” aim to highlight the absurdities of the security industry. Privacy International’s director, Simon Davies, said his group had taken the initiative because of “innumerable” security initiatives around the world that had absolutely no genuine security benefit. The awards were first staged in 2003 and attracted over 5,000 nominations. This will be the second competition in the series.

“The situation has become ridiculous” said Mr Davies. “Security has become the smokescreen for incompetent and robotic managers the world over”.

Unworkable security practices and illusory security measures do nothing to help issues of real public concern. They only hinder the public, intrude unnecessary into our private lives and often reduce us to the status of cattle.

The airline industry is the most prominent offender, but it is not alone. Consider the UK rail company that banned train-spotters on the grounds of security (e.g. see this article(external). Or the security desk of a US office building that complained because paramedics rushing to attend a heart-attack victim had failed to sign-in. Or the metro company that installed a $20,000 biological weapons/gas detector and placed it openly next to a power plug so terrorists could conveniently unplug the device.

Privacy International is calling for nominations to name and shame the worst offenders. The competition closes on October 31st 2006. The award categories are:

  • Most Egregiously Stupid Award
  • Most Inexplicably Stupid Award
  • Most Annoyingly Stupid Award
  • Most Flagrantly Intrusive Award
  • Most Stupidly Counter Productive Award

The competition will be judged by an international panel of well-known security experts, public policy specialists, privacy advocates and journalists.

The competition is open to anyone from any country. Nominations can be sent to stupidsecurity@privacy.org.

Details of previous award winners can be found below, or at http://www.privacyinternational.org/ssa2003winners.

AbFab’s Patsy and Eddie: a brief introduction

which is a title that just works on so many levels. I remember the first time I saw Patsy; I’d just switched the television on and there was a tall, superannuated model crawling across some woman’s bed saying, “darling, do you have any knickers? I’ve left mine somewhere.”

I think it was a traffic island she’d left them at, but I can’t remember any better than she can.

Anyway, for those of you who are straight men or hermits, who took the test and still don’t know how to interpret the results, here is a brief introduction to Absolutely Fabulous. Patsy’s the slutty ex-transexual Bond Girl, Eddie is the short, Buddhist limousine liberal PR. You may have heard about the show as the last thing Roseanne Barr ruined with her poison touch, just before losing her career and finding Kabbalah.

the single most amusing story on the internet

Nothing's more fun than having a Tapeworm! 

and no, I didn’t write it. And I don’t actually know who did, but I can easily see why he’s not sticking this on his home page, penultimate gem in the crown of humour or not.

Can you imagine having a nice job interview with Graydon Carter and suddenly he cries “Oh, you’re the tapeworm guy!

Do not, repeat, do not read this if you are even slightly hungover, the teensiest bit nauseated, or about to sit down to a good meal. It is a few years old, but none the worse for that. Originally I think I got it from BoingBoing, but that was back when they were a website, because blogs hadn’t been invented yet.

Yes, that old.

This, ladies and gentlemen, is the tale of the tapeworm.

When I go to the bathroom, I usually expect it to be a non-event. After so many years, there are few surprises left for me sitting on a toilet. Yet that’s where I first discovered an uninvited entity that called me home.

Continue reading

operation global media domination: porn stalker!

TIAWell this is odd. Sometime in the last 72 hours someone (no idea who) labelled my blog as porn, using the handy-dandy WordPressLabel this blog Adult” feature. Someone on the forum told me this is supposed to flag it for review and, if the blog is indeed found to be porn, it’s taken off search engine updates, dropped from the “Next Blog” “Tag Surfer” “Blog of the day” “Top Posts” and “Latest Posts” rolls, and the blogger can no longer post comments, which I found out when I tried to inform whatsername with the Starbucks iced coffee coupon that it is, in fact, legit.

Well, now I have reason to believe that the instant someone tags the fucker with “Porn” it sticks, and only an appeal will get it out of the gutter and back into the starry sky.

So that’s what happened. Sometime last night it dawned on me that my hits were half, count ’em, half what they should normally be, and that for some reason my posts weren’t showing up where they should.

And this does not take me to my happy place.

I posted a question in the forum and sent in a Support Contact Form, as one is supposed to do. About six hours later (in fairness, it WAS the middle of the night) I get an email from Barry saying sorry, we checked your blog, it’s fine, it had been “porned” and it’s not, so you’re good to go.

Surely, I thought, surely that would have given me some kind of period of immunity, like a vaccination.

Silly me.

“Referrers” is a stat table that lists the links that people have come to your blog through, and how many came through each. For today so far, mine looks like this:

Referrer Views
wordpress.com/tag/porn 11
wordpress.com/tag/porn/7 8
colddesert.blogspot.com 5
topix.net/who/cloris-leachman 4
wordpress.com/tag/porn/6 3

Yes, someone has gone through 8 or more pages of Porn tags on WordPress, looking for mine. No doubt thinking if s/he can whine “oh but she has 22 posts tagged “porn” it’s an open and shut case. Well it’s not, because I have never posted porn on this blog and I defy anyone to say it’s not PG-13. Particularly since Photobucket took down my pictures of large public sculptures; okay, so the Boris Vallejo was a bit edgy. Believe me, I’m well aware of those boundaries, having dealt with that issue for several years.

Let’s take a look at some of the blog entries tagged “Porn” on the ol’ raincoaster blog, shall we? Because we know you like to look at porn.

BoingBoing on TWAT, which reproduced a BoingBoing post of a RyanAir ad about people (small, distant, probably Irish people) taking their clothes off at an airport.

Operation Global Media Domination: The Rear View, in which we discover I’ve been linked to by both LibertyForum and Nastyfuckingporn.com, a link blog.

If Men Wrote Advice Columns, a joke column I found on Fark.

Beaver Shots. The ever-popular. Beavers swimming in the Okanagan.

Check into the Paris Hilton, an SNL skit starring guess who? Dirty puns, nothing more.

Ah yes, the infamous Marketing Tips for Hookers, an original piece of humour blogging from the Downtown EastSide, featuring stories that were just too funny to go in my book.

The Shebeen Club: Book Banning, Free Speech, and Mein Kampf. How ironic.

Had a minor heartflip an hour ago when it appeared I’d been re-porned, but Barry now tells me that’s not the case and probably would advise me to take two asprin and get a life, if he weren’t such a polite lad, but he is, and he can’t help it.

UPDATE: all my comments, including the ones on this very blog, are now being labelled Spam and held for approval. Swellerific.

retail therapy, from the other side of the counter

You can always rely on AbFab‘s Patsy for a quick, refreshing spray of civet. She reminds me that I used to enjoy working with the public, because every day I met so many people to whom I could feel superior!

Bit of a surprise on the test, though. I guess I’m just not slutty enough.

Fabulous! You are Edina. You’ve been there, done that, and hosted the launch party for the t-shirt. You live life large and in bold bright colours. The big questions don’t bother you – all you need from life is some designer gear and slick interior design. But for all your vitality you are overly dependent on friends for entertainment. God forbid that your best mate should ever leave you…