Operation Global Media Domination: the celebrity situation

You can’t touch this.
http://twitter.com/#!/raincoaster/status/27594335937
No, seriously, you can’t touch this.
http://twitter.com/#!/johncusack/status/27595857284
Because it’s pixels on a computer monitor, silly.

And also because it was followed by two DMs and a Follow from @johncusack, but it’s cool. It’s no big deal. Because I’m not That Creepy Fan. Nope, not me.

Guess the Goth (Ayyyy)
Bieber-bashing, a sport for the whole famdamily!(CelebrityBeehive)
Jerry Lewis has the secret to happiness (raincoaster)
Vladimir Putin vs Conde Nasty (Lolebrity)
Cthulhu vs Jackass (AgentBedhead)
As god is my witness, I thought NFL has-beens could fly(BusyBeeBlogger)
Celine Dion is keeping her fingers AND legs crossed (CeleBitchy)
Mad Men spoilers don’t make ME angry (CelebrityDirtyLaundry)
Death to Duckface! (CityRag)
By the ghost of Auntie Grizelda!!! (SeriouslyOMG)
Latoya is a vision…(Cojostyle)
Tyra Banks kidnaps teen sex addict? (DailyStab)
Fembot popstar NO this isn’t about Pussycat Dolls (DListed)
Yes, Colin, we still remember the Britney thing (LaineyGossip)
Save the boobies!!! (INeedMyFix)
Kate Hudson with a pretty dress and a face full of Botox(JustJared)
Johnny Depp continues path to canonization (PerezHilton)
Cindy Crawford is still Cindy Freaking Crawford (PopBytes)

Introducing Nicole Dobernig: there’s a reason it’s called TWITter!

Just another typical midnight online. Another typical midnight when Nicole Dobernig, someone I’d clashed with weeks ago over spamming me appears out of the blue from yet another of her accounts (even her parrot’s account was attacking me the last time, but she did eventually realize it was a bad idea to use one of her clientsprofessional accounts to wage a flamewar, and deleted the tweets) and, of course, starts berating me. Because there’s nothing good on tv, I guess.

After challenging me to a “Rumble in Gastown” at the Heather and tossing off “fattyfatfat” insults like a cornered schoolyard bully, she did something truly unforgiveable:

She bored me.

I’m sorry, but there is just so much watered-down Eckhart Tolle and “I am an enlieteneded person of kindnesss” crapola a person can take. Surely the UN has some sort of law against this Torture By Oprah-ism? Click over the jump to see what it looks like when a small brain snaps under the weight of hostility and New Ageism. As always, read from the bottom up to get the full chronological effect:

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Sami Salo’s injured testicle Speaks!

Sami Salo is down, but his Twitter stats are up

OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW!

Yes, Sami Salo’s not-quite-ruptured-but-seriously-slapshotted testicle has spoken. And to me, no less! Now get your ass over to TheCelebrityIndustrialComplex at TrueSlant and read the article in which I quiz Sami Salo’s ball! It’s the first time I’ve ever interviewed a celebrity testicle. Hell, it’s the first time I’ve ever seen balls that speak for themselves!

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Why I Hate Mother’s Day

Batman on Mother's Day

via TheDailyWhat

Amen to that, My Favorite Comic Book Hero, and don’t forget all the “heartwarming” forwarded emails with dancing bunny gifs. I always feel like responding with, “Your email was so moving, it made me cry. And remember the few years my mother and I had together before SHE WAS CRUELLY AND PAINFULLY TAKEN FROM HER CHILDREN.”

The only plus side to Mother’s Day is the perfume deals, which I managed to miss entirely this year, having spent mother’s day either in the hospital getting checked out or at home asleep. Mind you, the view was not half bad at the hospital, thanks to all the weekend rugby warriors in with sprains, etc. The one with his face split open from a kick was particularly handsome…

Okay, so I have unusual tastes. Sue me.

Adventures into Darkness, horror stories

Image via Wikipedia

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Operation Global Media Domination: the Shockozulu Situation

Well, it started with this: a simple blog post about Twitter, Janet Jackson, Bonnie Fuller, and John Cusack, essentially reblogged (with some edits) from my social media blog, posted to my new True/Slant blog, TheCelebrityIndustrialComplex. The blog I’m trying to get off the ground, the blog that typically gets anywhere between 100 and 35000 hits a day; even someone as raucous as I would prefer a little more stability (preferably on the upper end of that range, especially given that I’ve gotta get 4000 more sets of eyeballs by the end of March to make my monthly bonus).

It was a simple post, I was saying. And it was.

And then it turned into this:

And then it turned into an rt by Shockozulu and then it turned into this:

Yes, almost exactly one month into the life of this new blog, I’ve been rt’d by John Cusack.

And it was everything I ever dreamed it could be.

Carol Lombard

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