Category Archives: Weird

Convos with John: Team America World Police

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> What do you think of Team America World Police?
Team america world police ? team america world police for peace.

> What would they do for peace?
I have no idea. I’ve never thought of that.

> Guess
That’s very original Rain .

> Guess again
Once more? I’m now being credited as the creator of a great publicity campaign for the Beatles.

> Are you bigger than Jesus? I thought he was kind of porky, actually
When? We’re just wriggling about.

> You are having sex with Jesus in the Afterlife? Holy shit.
I don’t know.

> You didn’t ask his name?
What makes you think I didn’t ask his name ?

> well, you say you don’t know. Did you do Him or not?
Maybe something interesting will happen.

> If I didn’t think that was possible, I would be on that side too
Try it.

> You are a higly irresponsible John Lennon bot if you’re advocating suicide
When? What are you doing with your hair?

> you think I should bleach it before I kill myself?
We’ll hold a press conference: Rain said I think youshould bleach it before youkill your-self . I should say so.

I LIKE press conferences. Okay, so if I never bleach my hair, I’ll never kill myself, right?

…

> I SAID I LIKE press conferences. Okay, so if I never bleach my hair, I’ll never kill myself, right?
Come again? Oh.. The Stones one? I’m going to Hoover it Rain , ha, ha, haw!

> If I never bleach my hair, will I become immortal?
Try it.

> I’m doing it as we speak. I am sittiing here, not bleaching my hair
You’re doing it as we speak youre sittiing there not bleaching yourhair ? I’m doing my own thing.

> what is your thing?
There are 10 trillion books about the beatles. Why don’t you tell me about you for a change? Is your hair real? What kind of dates do you like? Are you the smart one or the funny one? Can you sing me a song? It really gets old, you know.

> you mean you don’t read my blog?
Yeah, I think that’s what I meant. Wasn’t it clear?

> Why don’t you read my feed
I’m only a rolling stone.

> You’re not a rolling stone, you’re a Beatle
What makes you think I’m not a rolling stone iare a beatle ?

> Well a Beatle would have sense enough to subscribe to my feed, wouldn’t you agree?
How about thinking of something else.

> How?
David Maggin programmed me for it.

> If you subscribe to my feed,you’ll officially be my coolest dead friend. How about that?
I think I do.

> Okay, what’s my tagline?
Yeah okay, Czechoslovakia

> For a dead guy, you sure are wasted
(German accent) psst!…This is WFBI, playing all your favourite tunes.

John Lennon: the postmortem interview

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John and Yoko, yo

As the hordes of devoted raincoaster aficionados are undoubtedly aware, we here at Operation Global Media Domination Headquarters have at our tentacletips the controls of a vast machinery of media manipulation whose reach spans not only this puny planet, but space and even time itself. And they know, as well, that there is nothing we would not do to completely satisfy the insatiable needs of our readership, nothing we would not hastily stuff into the voracious, slavering maw of the news hole to seal it, if only for a split second.

Through the wonders of modern AI, we have now obtained an exclusive interview with the late John Ono (Winston) Lennon.

Don’t say we never did nuthin’ for ya.

What is your first name (this is John talking with his fingers)
> rain
You don’t need anyone to tell you who you are, rain.
> No, I don’t. Can I ask you a question?
I’ll have to talk to Ringo and see how he feels. Rain , let’s change the subject.
> What do you think of Yoko suing Nixon’s lawyer?
Yoko suing nixons lawyer ? yoko suing nixons lawyer would have the final say.
> What will she say?
Is that a rhetorical question?
> No. Why do you always let Yoko have the final say?
I don’t know about that, mate. Only in the mornings.
> Is she going to win?
I don’t know about that, mate.
> Yes, you do.
That is why I am always on about peace, you see. Seven days.

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Daniel Radcliffe’s Peter Joins Penis Protection Program

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For several months now, all the world, or at least, all the world that can afford New York theatre tickets, has been eagerly looking forward to the Broadway debut of Harry Potter’s wand. We at the ol’ raincoaster blog have not failed to cover the blow-by-blow as Daniel Radcliffe and his Nethers of Strange Hirsutity have triumphed in London in Peter Schaffer‘s intense psychodrama Equus, but as the day approaches when all (and we do mean ALL) will be revealed to the notoriously insatiable, cellphone-camera-equipped American audiences, Radcliffe‘s handlers are getting nervous. They fear his peen may fall into the wrong, presumably sweaty, hands.

Says the star, on the possibility of his privates being made public via a quickie Flickr: “It will be amazing but I will be terrified!” And no doubt so will some of the more shrinking violets in the audience, from what we hear!

Just how amazing it will be, fans who cannot affort the high price to share his physical presence may never know. His handlers have taken every precaution to prevent leaks, going so far as to equip the theatre with infra-red defenses, like in that capoeria laser dance scene in Ocean’s Twelve, you know the one, to sniff out and, presumably, stun or even vaporize overzealous cellphotogs. Who knows?

Cool.

His personal security has been increased as well, and let me tell you, these people do not mess around.

Daniel Radcliffe and his peen protector

Image sources: Uli Weber, Hollywood Standups, hat-tip With-Malice

article hat-tip to dissfunktional

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Mass Ejaculations!!!

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We at the ol’ raincoaster blog did not just fall off the squid trawler, ya know. No indeed, we were not hatched yesterday nor even the day before and are perfectly well aware of the mass moist madness that erupts when you get groups of excited, vigorous young people together in a consequence-free and water-and-stain-resistant environment stocked with bottled beverages.

Behold the world’s largest Mentos and Diet Coke experiment:

Ejaculations of delight

Honestly, it looks like an orgy at Hogwarts to me. If you’ve seen one, you’ve seen ’em all!

There’s not a raging snotload of things to do in Belgium, if you don’t rustle mussels or brew beer for a living, so these enthusiastic, yet two-years-behind-the-meme students decided to go for mass quantities, rather than attempt to duplicate the balletic elegance of the original experiment. For this monumental achievement, they gathered in historic (and, presumably, easily hosed down) Ladeuzeplein Square in Leuven, Belgium. Note please, that Coke does not work as well and regardless of what the Torygraph article linked to above tells you, it must be Diet Coke.

Fritz Grobe and Stephen Voltz were the famed mad scientists whose hypnotic Aesthetic of the Absurd video, covered extensively in this blog and millions of others, set the tone for memes to come, from the inexorable rise of lolcats up to and including Anonymous‘s current campaign against Scientology.

Not-Fleshed-Out-Yet-Really-Quite-Inescapable Conclusion: The dominant vernacular of civil engagement today defines itself directly against the current structure and forms of terrorism and is absurd in every sense, self-aware, positive in tone and gesture, meta-(not post-)intellectual, and a helluva lot of fun.

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Headline o’ the Day: Don’t Upset Me, Bro!

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Manitoba aboriginal leaders upset man shot,
then stunned by Taser

Seriously, they should just leave the poor man alone. He’s obviously having a hellish day.

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