Stephen and the Case of the Second Most Expensive Frisbees Ever Invented

So Stephen (you remember Stephen?) he was once even younger, and when he was younger he was, as is the way, more junior, and he wasn’t a restaurant manager at all but instead a busboy on the Princess Something, a Canadian Pacific cruise ship/ferry crossbreed cruising between Victoria and Seattle.

And CP, they had standards. In fact, they could be said to have standards the way the SS could be said to have been strict-ish. And one of their standards was that, by the time they docked in Seattle, every piece of cutlery and every piece of china aboard would have been washed and dried to perfection, regardless of time pressures, or staff would be fired.

And it always was.

And many were the evenings, pulling into port, that Stephen spent at the stern of the ship, gleefully tossing aft the plates that they didn’t have the extra 15 minutes to wash. Puget Sound is lined with CP china and silver flatware, should you ever feel like taking a diving vacation.

the 50 best breasts in movie history

Sophia Loren and Jayne Mansfield are bosom buddies

I’m going to be on vacation for the rest of the week, and posting only occasionally if at all, so I sifted the entire internets and came up with something that should keep you occupied (if typing one-handed) till I get back; it’s a video roundup of the best boobs in Hollywood History.

If you think about it, they could do this with mastectomy patients and get twice as much A for each T, and twice as many girls altogether, but Hollywood is strangely deficient in uniboobage, so what can you do? They made the brest of it, I guess.

Your own complaints, commendations, and recommendations in the comment section, pervs. I know I can count on you.

Britney’s Sex Tape and Post Odds

The Gambler

The deal is this, although Metro doesn’t know the deal. At one time he did, but that was at least six beers ago, and now he knows nothing other than what I tell him and that includes original additions to the Cthulhu Mythos, to which he furrows his brow and goes…uh…wait…hold on…and I hand him another beer and objections are quickly forgotten.

There was also an attempt by his wife to add aliens and various other restrictions to the blog posts, but they are hereby overruled.

Anyway, the deal is that after drinking beer throughout the viewing of Two Days in the Valley, Tapeheads, and Phil the Alien, we would blog, and we would go hit-to-hit on brand, spanking new posts.

And as you know I’m all about the hits.

Okay, 2:20 in the morning is not the best time to get hits, but there are worse.

Reading his post, which he finished at great apparent effort while I answered four comments and three questions in the technical help forum, googled the image of a loser, uploaded it to Photobucket, and worked on this post, it appears that he thinks the issue is simple coherence, which any fool knows a drunk can achieve simply by imitating Hemingway.

And so I ask you to evaluate Metro’s post either in light of total hits OR in light of its ability to evoke Hemingway.

He’s got some 80’s dreck music playing, so I’ve cranked up the Mylene Farmer Megamix. Thank god for YouTube; it’s impossible to find MP3’s in this world, but you can always find YouTubes.

And since I titled this post so specifically, we can be certain that it will draw at least a finite number of readers. Deluded, misguided readers, it is true. But readers nonetheless.

Howdy, y’all!

blogging: the haiku

It kills, this joke!

From MadHaiku, via MasterCowfish:

peer over the edge
and stare into Sitemeter
Sitemeter stares back

Free Britney, bitch

Free Britney, bitch

I’d wear it.