Indiana Jones and the Call of Cthulhu: complete text

Cthulhu motivational poster

What do you people think? Is he going after Cthulhu this time?

It’s just too bloody perfect, you know. The protagonist in The Call of Cthulhu was an aging archaeologist with a reputation for doing things his own way. With his trusty buddy, Inspector Legrasse, he crosses the globe, attempting to puzzle out the mysterious connection between a precious religious artifact, a cannibalistic cult of Louisiana swamp dwellers, and a vicious tribe of Greenland Esquimaux.

Blowing away forever all pretence to cool I may once have possessed, I have re-edited Howard Phillips Lovecraft‘s immortal Gothic tale The Call of Cthulhu, and placed at its heart a certain Midwestern academic who is, himself, no stranger to the strange.

Right-click, Save As:

Indiana Jones and the Call of Cthulhu: complete text by raincoaster

Also: Indy in a hat. Still hawt?

indy

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intellectuLOLs

Who says Lolcats can’t be intellectual? Take a look for yourself, and resolve to feel less guilty in the future:

Schrodingers lolcat

and

Pluto Lolcat

Join the Harry Potter Challenge

Snape-a-go-goWell, get a move on.

We have, as of this typing, exactly 29 days before the July 21st release of Harry Potter and the Deathly Cold Hallows, the seventh and allegedly final book in the Hogwartian Mythos Cycle.

Which is, should you be a speedy reader, just enough time to get through all of the previous books, particularly if you read them before. If you read them before but you were drunk, it counts as reading them for the first time, for purposes of scorekeeping in this highly competitive international competition.

And no, watching the movies does not count, especially if you mostly just fast-forwarded and rewound and replayed all the parts with Luscious Lucius Malfoy until the DVD started to burn out on you.

For bonus points, you may also read the purportedly-but-not-confirmedly-false version of HPatDH which was posted on the internet last month. And you may do so here.

So what are you waiting for? Get to work!

GET TO WORK!

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Lambo whammo!

Plane vs car: guess who wins!

Countach

Now, it’s not really clear from the reporter’s description here, but it appears that a Cessna 172 (a delightful little plane, kind of the woody wagon of airplanes) full of FBI agents was taxiing to its hanger in Aurora, Oregon, when it collided with a Lamborghini Countach (an exquisite car, once the greatest performance vehicle in the world and still a work of art, although not so much after the accident) full of a cranky 69-year-old man, which happened to be crossing its path at speed.

A senior citizen playing chicken with a plane full of Feds. Whatever happened to simply plowing into the farmer’s market?

Should you be possessed of such a vehicle, this is one maneuver we do not recommend, for obvious reasons. Please make a note of it; we do not want to have to repeat ourselves.

Not only does the Countach sell for around $90,000 (the Cessna is less than 40k) {and btw what kind of low-rent spellchecker is this in Firefox that doesn’t know the word Countach, I mean like seriously) but it can apparently sustain enough damage that the repair bill totals more than the price of the car.

From OregonLive:

…One of the agents wrote in a report filed with the NTSB that the plane was “moving down the taxiway about to enter our hangar area, moving at about a fast walk and crossing a narrow inner taxiway perpendicular to us when the aircraft crunched to a sudden stop.

“Out the left side window of the aircraft I saw a small black sports car dart from under the prop moving to my left, gushing fluid,” the unidentified agent wrote.

Treit, a licensed pilot, says he had the right of way and that the pilot should have spotted him.

Treit, who lives in Aurora and owns a business at the small airport, this month filed a lawsuit against the U.S. government, accusing the pilots of negligence. He is asking for $105,500 in damages.

I’m assuming the extra fifteen thousand is for his wounded dignity, but I must ask: just exactly how much dignity does a litigious 69-year-old man in a Countach actually possess?

UPDATE: Hey Farkers! I’m not 100% sure this one in the picture is the car, but it is the right year, the right colour, and it was wrecked around the same time, in the US. There aren’t that many of these babies around, so I’m betting this is the one. Probably the guys at WreckedExotics.com can help settle things. Click on the pic to go to its home page.

The car was moving at speed from right to left, and essentially tried to dart in front of the plane, which was moving about 5mph. At the risk of repeating myself, Do. Not. Do. This. Also: Planes have right-of-way on taxiways.

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Terrified of losing your election? Try Incarcerex!

I’m pretty sure all the American presidential candidates are on this stuff. Yet another reason to draft Gore!

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