Doing the gene pool a favour

Sex for dummiesYou know those books…the For Dummies books. They’re pretty good books, all in all, but every now and again they come out with one that makes you think at least some of their target audience works at their headquarters.

Sex for Dummies.

Think about it. Look around you. I’m not sure where you live, but around these parts the dummies are breeding like rabbits. Even Britney‘s managed to drop a couple of spawn, and she’s just a puppy herself. At this rate by 2020 most of Southern California will be descended from Britney Spears, God help them.

But here’s a fellow who knows his station; ya gotta luv him. Me hearts dumb people who know they’re dumb and who know that’s a bad thing. Don’t give me any of this “Dumb Pride” stuff: that shit is whack. It was Camus, the wise, who said that it was the moral responsibility of the intelligent to oppress the stupid, otherwise the stupid would take over the world. I see some of us have been slacking a bit, and just look how that’s turned out!

But Shiv Charan Yadav knows his place and his duty to the gene pool. He’s sworn not to marry until he’s passed his high school exams. He is now 73 and has just failed his 38th attempt. It’s like poor, sweet, decorative John-John, only more like John-John-John-John-John-John-John-John-John-John-John-John-John- times – 38. Without the looks, money, family, or fame. Or, on the plus side, the pilot’s license.

Shiv Charan Yadav has been taking the exams – normally given to schoolchildren at the age of 15 -every year since 1969, without success. He was in his 30s when he first decided to better himself through education.

This year, he failed everything except Sanskrit, scoring only 103 out of a possible 600 points.

Also, he wants to marry a girl under thirty. Yeah, do you wonder if the papers would happen to be graded by twentysomething local females…it would explain alot.

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If I ran the internet…

well, if this guy did. His name is Rives, and he’s a spoken word artist, and he’s speaking to TED. Well, he’s speaking to you, and me, and momo, and that spammer in Nigeria, and that hacker in Turkey, and that troll in the comments section. Here is what the world would be like if Rives ran the internet. Improvement or devolution? WWAlGoreD?

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ten THOUSAND tentacles!

Well, plenty anyway.redwoods

It’s just under a month to my actual birthday and the virtual presents are already piling up under the ol’ raincoaster birthday tree.

First of all, the world is finally showing the lolgoths some love, with links from France, Germany, and the republics of laughing squid, loltapirs, lolbuffy, and lolnin. And WordPress.com top posts, finally; everybody is completely verklempt about the Marilyn/Dita thing. Even if they DID downvote it to minus two on reddit. Goths have no sensa huma.

Gawker used something I sent them, which is like the second time in history after the sure thing booze post from Cold Desert.

And today, they gave me this:

Padma

Seriously, does it look like she just whipped those out of her Wonderbra or what? I adore the fact that the lipstick perfectly matches the octopi. How cute is that? I can picture the makeup artist at the Dior counter, holding shade after shade up to the octo-hides…

Oh wait, I just remembered that octopi can change colour to match their backgrounds. Obviously these were slate grey or plaid or sumpin until she picked them up and then their little octobrains said OMG we’re totally clashing here, gimme a sec, and poof, perfect camouflage!

But topping even Padma’s ‘Pussies is the mighty, roaring tsunami of tentacles that Stiletto Girl posted for me over on her blog. Click and marvel at this amazing roundup; in true SG style, every single one of the octopi is completely starkers. Nekkid as the day it was borned! VVNSFAquarium! You’ve been warned!

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Knitting for psychos

These are so inspiring I may just take up needles again. After all, they’re long, pointy, dangerous items that you can take virtually anywhere; just the kind of thing I normally carry anyway. Timethief passed along the Knitting for Psychos page, which makes me wonder how she spends her leisure hours…is she the twisted genius that made the conjoined twins teddy bear(s)?

Knitting for Psychos

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Halifax: it’s in your lungs!

Now this, ladies and gentlemen, is the way you do a promotional video. Kicks the ass of that sad-sack wigger squirrel, don’t it?

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