Painful, yet true. Here’s the British version:
And here’s the Canadian version from last year:
and Part Two:
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Maaaan, the things you learn on Livejournal! Here ferinstance, in the highly ripoff-worthy Cindy RedDeer‘s journal, we learn how to put your bra on like a whore.
What we do not learn, alas, is how anyone who pretends to respectability found out how whores put their bras on in the first place. Frankly, most of the ones I know use front-snap bras, because it’s quicker. Also good for a cheap laugh if the guy has never seen one before.
Uh, I read it in Cosmo.
It’s the small things that drive you bonkers. I had this patient once who was very particular about the way her bra was to be applied. Apparently I put mine on like a whore and she would have none of that!
In case you didn’t know whores hook the snaps in front then turn it around then pull the cups up over the breasts then pull the straps up one arm at a time. Ladies, on the other hand place both arms through the straps, but up to the elbows, then they they reach behind and fasten the hooks then they pull the bra the rest of the way up and then pull the straps over the shoulders…
So I guess that means I put mine on like a tranny? I can’t figure this out: what does it mean if you put your arms through the straps but put the straps up to your shoulders, bend over, and tuck everything in place before fastening things? Does it mean I alone have taken lessons from the magazine writer who specifically went to a bra store to find shit like this out? That is what I call pragmatic journalism. Both my tits and my bras are in fine shape, thankyouverymuch, and there is no way of telling how much of it is due to my “gravity assisted” method of getting dressed. All I know is, Madonna better watch her back, particularly since her body fat went into the negative numbers.
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Stolen from Gawker. Sure, Aleksey Vayner‘s video was so over the top as to constitute unintentional self-parody, but I’m all for piling on when you smell blood, and Vayner‘s been hemoragging ever since Dealbreaker got ahold of the damn thing and broke it worldwide. Wonder what he’s doing now? I expect the phrase “Would you like that Venti-sized?” figures large in his workday.
In any case, here is Michael Cera, former Arrested Development star, kicking sand in the eyes of the hapless Uzbek. I’d like to take this opportunity to point out that I was the first person to question whether or not that was him in the skiing section, a point obviously not lost on Cera.
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As a good anarchal communist and a functional socialist, I support paid sick leave for all. Capitalists whine, and say that sickos aren’t helping our economy any, but hey, with healthcare the fastest-growing industry, what would happen if all of a sudden nobody went to the doctor anymore? Global collapse, that’s what would happen! I’m telling you, besides staving off global communist revolution, supplying paid sick leave provides real benefits to the country, any country. Such as?
Such as, did you know that very likely none, repeat, none of the people who handle your food before you eat it get paid sick leave? Also, that none of them get paid enough to stay home when they’re sick and just blow off a day’s pay? And do you know what that means for the state of the food you get? That’s right, it’s accompanied by an invisible garnish of everything they’ve picked up recently, from the salmonella on the eggshells for the eggs benny they made before they tossed your salad to the flu virus they got from the doorknob. And no, they don’t wear gloves. Paid sick leave for all workers, from minimum wage on up would cut off a major source of transmission right there.
Not only that, but it can prevent criminal arrest and incarceration. At an average cost of over $36,000 p.a., prison is an expensive option. Imagine the savings to the American people if this guy had gotten fifty bucks to just stay home instead.
A man is in police custody in Sacramento, Calif., after his attempt to rob a bank was foiled by his own runny nose. Sudan Provost, 40, entered a bank in downtown Sacramento Friday afternoon and announced in a low voice that he was there to rob it — but apparently, nobody heard him, the Sacramento Bee reported. Provost then walked up to a teller’s window, indicated he was armed and asked for a tissue…
That is one tough teller. “I’ve got a gun, give me a Kleenex.” “No.”
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Heartlessly stolen from Prague Galleries. What a raging snotload of jokes in English are doing in Poland I shall not even guess.
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raincoaster 