A Festive Holiday Greeting from General Ursus

I pity the damn dirty ape

It’s that perennial Christmas favorite from General Ursus; you remember him, the chauvinistic, homicidal military fascist from the Planet of the Apes? not Dr. Zaius, the one with the blog and the snappy musical. The other one.

Played (as always) by GenX icon and YouTube favorite and phenomenon Brian Atene, who teases us that he has more where that came from, going up on Christmas Day.

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…Laura WAS decorating the Christmas Tree

which is a reference to a noirish Robert Bloch Christmas story you probably haven’t read, but when you realize he’s the guy who wrote Psycho, you’ll sort of get the idea.

gingerbread man rip

[Update: I have been informed that the segue between Bloch, raincoaster, and Cthulhu is too abrupt: I would have thought it a continuum, rather, but here we go with the explication: Bloch was a pal of HP Lovecraft’s. HP Lovecraft wrote the Cthulhu Mythos stories, and Bloch wrote a couple himself, inspired by the master. raincoaster is…well, raincoaster.]

So, what did raincoaster do today?

Had lunch with a pal and got a nice tour of the Naramata Bench or portions thereof, narrated. What is the point of a drive without a story, I ask yez?

Spent several so-far-fruitless hours trying to get the new Jesus Phone activated (The Sister is paying, The Sister is in Ottawa, the Fido company insists on her being physically present with the credit card. ALTHOUGH they accept internet orders, but then she’d have to mail me the SIM card. Fortunately, I’m up in PTown and the standards of service here are nothing short of consistently amazing, and I say that as a jaded city dweller, so the Fido store manager at Cherry Lane is working it out with the store manager at Bayshore so my sister can go in, present her card, and Cherry Lane will instantly get the phone up and running and call me to come pick it up, which is more than I’d expect of any shop in Vangroover over the Christmas holidays and that’s for sure and certain, but where was I? Oh yes, closing the parenthesis).

And did you know that in PTown the most desirable real estate is in the zone called “Between the malls?” Yes, just downhill from the industrial flats. Just what I’m looking for in a home: waddling distance to Zellers and the food court.

Then, came home, made a dinner of tortellini and what I thought was leftover pasta sauce with sliced mushrooms but turned out, once I’d stirred it a few times, to be tomato sauce with greyish noodles shaped like chubby fish, but what the hell. Add some basil and it’s just like Ragu, right?

Then attempted to get some decorations up around the place (which I am only house-sitting, so it’s not exactly my style) to make it look homey. Think I’m doing pretty well, don’t you?

Have a very Cthulhu Cthristmas

flying spaghetti monster tree topper

falalalalalafuckingla

santa asks has Lobby been a good boy this year?

squidtivity all hail our cephalopodian overlords

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Calvin and Hobbes Snow Sharks

Now bring us some squiddy pudding

and, of course, the centrepiece

Octopus in a bottle

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I See What You Did There

i see what you did there

It was totally gross.

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what did you do today, raincoaster?

Other than wonder why I have no time to write anything meaningful?

I didn’t even have a chance to work on my short story setting Conrad Black in the context of the Cthulhu Mythos. Which is, after all, where he belongs.

That's LORD Black to you, not Inmate 820-3933

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Spork: the Fanfic, the Audio, the Masterpiece

Sexual Tension: what, you don't see it?

It’s not the slightest bit Christmassy, but this just can’t wait. Its urgency is palpable. (go on, palpate it)

Spork, a humble re-edit of Zachary Quinto‘s audiobook from the recent Star Trek movie is nothing more than the greatest iteration of fan fiction in the Kirk/Spock slash canon, including the hitherto-untouchable Closer music video.

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stolen from Movieline

His lower lip swollen, Spock looked up at him. It was difficult to tell, but it was possible that he was pleased.

Spock wasn’t finished. Abruptly he stood up. “Gngngfnferrrrnrrfgggg!” Kirk was more than slightly confused. “What?” Spock was forced to swallow.

Go on, read the whole thing at Livejournal. You know you want to.

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