No, it’s not the regulations for a new kind of kink party. It’s a trip in the Wayback Machine to deepest, darkest 2005, when Burger King, of all monarchies, rolled out perhaps the awesomest, gob-smackiest, rootin’ tootin’ time wastin’-est website in the entire history of the Intertubes.

The Subservient Chicken.

The deal is this: You type in something for the chicken to do, then you Submit (it’s a Subservient website; what would you expect?) and the garterbelt-clad-yet-otherwise-nekkid-as-a-jaybird chicken performs whatever act your devious mind can come up with for her.

Strangely, the list of actions seems to have shortened since last I frequented the site. She can no longer, it seems, remember the Macarena. She now does Half Lotus position when you type Yoga, rather than the Warrior pose she used to do. Air Guitar is no longer in her poulexicon.

And just try typing “show us your boobs”. Someone with more hacker skillz and patience than myself will have to let me know if the dirty chicken hacks still work. All I got was the stern e-cluck and fingerwag.

I recall with pride that I was probably the first to type in “Destroy Tokyo” and that it still works.

Supposition as to the identity of the masked chicken abounds to this day. Given the Oscar-worthy effort of the immortal Subservient Chicken routine “Perform Shakespeare” I think there can be no doubt that we are dealing with an actor of rare quality and subtlety, one who had fallen upon hard times, if only momentarily .

Yes.

:: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: ::