Um, I totally don’t see the problem here. What’s everyone laughing at?
Stolen from Mark Wells.
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what cheese are you?
I’m sure that this question is keeping you awake nights. “Am I more nutty or dry? Fragrant or just pungent?” you doubtless mutter to the dark spaces between the stars as you lie abed, consumed with existential dread and the faint aroma of the dairy products you inadvisedly consumed in the search for knowledge, even though you are lactose intolerant.
How, O Lord! How can we go on without knowing what verdict the Online Cheese Comparator will render?
Your cheese rating is: Neufchâtel
A traditional soft, white table cheese from Normandy in France. Neufchâtel smells and tastes of mushrooms. It has a dry, velvety rind, and a grainy texture. When mature, Neufchâtel develops a bitter, salty, acrid taste.
Well fuck that ridiculous Online Cheese Comparator, then! It’s obviously completely inaccurate and can’t tell a mellow, non-fungal-scented, soft and gentle soul when it runs one through its cheese-identity-detector algorithm.
Harumph!
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bisexual bat sex demon attack prevention
Well, that title should draw the Buffy fans like flies.
The BBC reports that men in Tanzania live in constant fear of being attacked and raped by a bisexual demon in the form of a giant bat.
The story goes that the bat is able to transform itself into a man at night and it has also been blamed for rapes of women.
Sheikh Yahya Hussein, a prominent astrologer in Tanzania, claims that the demon is a spirit that is unleashed by witches to torment their opponents.
Naturally, in an effort to prevent such attacks, the men are sleeping rough (it being, presumably, well-known that sex-crazed bat-shaped demons have difficulty performing when they’re out in the open and prefer a more intimate setting for their acts of incubation/incubattery) and, of course, smearing themselves with lardons, which has the not-entirely-welcome effect of repelling gay bat sex demons yet attracting Mario Batali and his fingerling.
Also, no sightings of said sex-crazed bat demon have in fact been reported in Tanzania at all. So ask yourself…have any sightings been reported around here? We will pause while you check the local paper.
And since the Tanzanian protections have so far proven 100% effective at deterring sex-crazed bat demon attacks, perhaps you should start thinking about the practicalities.
Just to be safe, get out the Crisco and the hammock. After all, you don’t want anyone thinking you were asking for it.
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Steve Lawrence and Eydie Gorme performing Black Hole Sun
Yes, really. Here is the immortal Vegas lounge duo Steve and Eydie putting their silken throats to that heroin-laced grunge classic Black Hole Sun, from the album Loungeapalooza. And this time no chipmunk effects. Lyrics over the jump.
And by the way, Eydie‘s got a blog.
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Drunk jedi rumble at Leia’s party
This was all over the Tatooine group on Facebook last week, although I came to it via this link.
Leia‘s boozy 22nd birthday party is ruined when a lightsaber duel breaks out. The YouTube is over the jump (yes, I hate that but Dr Mike says it’s kinder to people with dialup).
Where is Banditcar when you need him?!?!?!?!
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