always use authorized mechanics, and RTFM

Posted on by

Stolen from EliseTalk, via Fark.

Of course, I’m one to talk. I use my manuals to even out my wobbly desk.

That blithe disregard of indispensable training materials bears not at all on my ability to produce such items, should you be in a hiring mood, by the way. I have, in fact, produced a procedures manual for an authorized Honda dealer and service shop, so I feel the pain of the poor sod who poured the sweat of his brow and the expense account of his employer into the production of the manual for the exquisite Lotus Elise which you see here.

I said, rtfm!!! And it hit toolboxes on the way down, too

I handed them the tire tools and opened the Owner’s Manual to the jacking instructions so they would be clear. We went over all the instructions and they assured me I was in good hands.

We (my father-in-law and I both left)

1 hour later I get a call about the “accident” and that I needed to come down…

Diebold, Die Bolder: electile dysfunction

Posted on by

Die Bold, DIE BOLDER! Yippee kiyay, motherfucker!

from MSNBC, which I always wanted to hate but which has, too often, far, far too often, taken up the slack that CNN has left as it happily knits itself into a fluffy, news-free straightjacket.

Man 1, Machine 0.

That’s at least one vote that can’t be interfered with; too bad the same cannot be said of the others in the machine. Or, indeed, the rest of the US.

“He came in here very peaceably and showed his ID, then he got on the machine and just snapped,” volunteer Gladys Pezoldt told the Morning Call of Allentown.

etiquette 2.0: iPod protocol

Posted on by

CephaloPodWe here at the ol’ raincoaster blog are big Miss Manners fans, as you can imagine. Nothing gets our shrivelled little heart beating like a logical, clever, witty and irrefutable etiquette columnist.

So we’re a little strange.

We welcome to this rarefied sorority Margaret Mason, who, almost unique among iPodders, retains the ability to think straight while blasting James Blunt into her cerebral cortex.

Here, and not a moment too soon, are her tips for iPod etiquette.

There was a time when iPod wearers gave one another pretentious nods of solidarity. Once, users offered strangers a chance to “jack in” by handing over a single earbud for a few moments of music sampling.

Though it takes a special sort of person to miss the “Want this? It was in my ear” era, all of us have proven adept at finding new ways to annoy one another with mp3 players. Here are some basic guidelines for enjoying your music without sacrificing your manners.
Consider earphones a social cue.
Wearing earphones is like hanging a “do not disturb” sign off your nose. Like an engrossing novel, they help you avoid interactions with annoying strangers on airplanes or subways. Unfortunately, they send the same go-away message at work. That’s useful if you wear them only when you’re on deadline, but your iPod is more likely to irritate co-workers if you hide behind it eight hours a day. Which brings us to the next point…

Respect no-Pod zones.
Mp3 players are unwelcome at weddings, funerals, and other gatherings, and also in classrooms or places of worship. This holds true even if you’re a sullen 13-year-old with inattentive parents…

Boris Johnson on webcameron

Posted on by

Stole this from, obviously, webcameron, whose bizarre insistence on iTunes and other commercial players like Realplayer essentially takes what could be a community-building tool, ie video podcasts, and makes it into something that can only be accessed on an individual basis. I don’t see why they want people to put this on their iPods but not their blogs, so being me I have subverted that. (I note that the current one is embeddable, has something changed? The archives can’t be viewed this way it seems, or am I stoned on cold medicine again?)

Besides, I could use a powerful enemy. Hits are down; need a flamewar. Bring it!

UPDATE: They brung it. YouTube killed the video after the Conservative Party yelped about the fact that their message was being freely distributed across the blogosphere. Can’t have that now, can we? 

BTW to all those people who ask me who the hell Boris Johnson is, check it out; he’s the blond one at the end with the bust of Pericles and the housekeeping style incredibly reminiscent of someone you know. Also, he will show you what’s in his drawers. Anything for the party, eh? Those Tories will do anything to get elected, I’m telling you.

Britney loses weight: 180 pounds!

Posted on by

 the body's back, boys!

Skanks, wiggers, and rednecks everywhere rejoice as today their Vestal “Virgin” Britney Spears, tosses aside Husband #2 as the first step on the long march to eventual penniless and dubiously-titled decrepitude.

Yep, she’s single. TMZ via Gawker has the report. I have only one question:

DOES JUSTIN KNOW?

…citing “irreconcilable differences.” In her petition, Spears asks for both legal and physical custody of the couple’s two children, one-year old Sean Preston and two-month old Jayden James, with Federline getting reasonable visitation rights.

As for money, sources tell TMZ the couple, who married in Oct. 2004, has an iron-clad prenup. Not surprisingly, Spears is waiving her right to spousal support. She’s also asking the judge to make each party pay their own attorney’s fees.

Spears gives the date of separation as yesterday, the same day she flaunted her incredible revamped physique during a surprise appearance on David Letterman‘s show.

Boys, you know what it takes: nice arms, a collection of tats, a pretty face, the ability to wear clothes large enough to fit an entire family of nomads inside, and proof of fertility. Deafness is a plus, or at least one of god’s small mercies in this case.

Good luck and god speed.

Oh, and the news about the sex tape is here.