Daily Archives: April 3, 2006

George of the Concrete Jungle

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George of the Night

So have you heard the one about George Clooney? Not the Mr. X-ism, I mean, aren't we all perfectly aware that if he didn't Lothariorize Teri Hatcher he should have and if he did she's at least had that much more of George Clooney than the rest of us and bitch should just STFU.So not that one. This one:

George Clooney's Evil Plan Succeeds

On Friday, via an email sent from his publicist Stan Rosenfield, Oscar-winning ER doctor George Clooney commanded the masses to sabotage Gawker Stalker by sending us fake submissions. And oh, how they’ve responded to Clooney’s battle cry — our inbox was indeed flooded with hundreds of sightings, almost all of which were of George Clooney. We’re sure that’s exactly what he meant.

Just saw George Clooney at the Peninsula. He had a mustard stain on his jacket, was kissing a Mexican woman and eating a watermelon.

George Clooney has been sighted in Portland, Oregon! He was walking downtown by the Schnitzer Concert Hall and was wearing jeans with a hole in the knee (guess business isn’t too good!) and a long-sleeved grey/blue shirt.

i saw George in Philadelphia at Le Bec Fin’, a high end restaraunt in the heart of the city. He was very brief in his entrance and I believe he snuck out the back b/c i NEVER SAW HIM LEAVE THROUGH THE FRONT!

I saw george clooney outside the gawker.com offices just a minute ago.

Actually, that last one might be true. [Follow the Clooney and old ladylink and get] a taste of of the weekend email Clooneython, which has utterly destroyed our ability to grasp reality.

But, like, which would you rather have: reality, or George Clooney? Exactly. Meantime, here is one I sent in:

Saw George at about one this afternoon, turning tricks on Vancouver's Downtown EastSide, working the corner of Princess and Hastings. A couple of hours later he tried to get a burger at the Ovaltine Cafe, but he was drunk and sloppy and they threw him out. Later, I saw him helping a little old Vietnamese lady across the street. He stopped a Hummer with his bare hands.

The internet will never be the same

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It's a sad day, ladies and gentlemen. One of the memes that shaped our world is no more.

Bonsai KittensThe Bonsai Kitten Website is toast. http://www.bonsaikitten.com

It seems like just last year (because it was just last year) that some poor, distraught and bleeding soul forwarded me an email that told of acts of unspeakable barbarity: the forcing of tiny, helpless felines into cruelly warped and demented forms to satisfy a market's twisted and obscene desire for fashion. It was with a sense of joy unbounded that I read the email, for truly there is no pleasure on Earth which can compare to the smugasm provided by informing some bleeding heart that it is bleeding over a stupid joke.

Dear *insertbleedinghearthere*Bonsai Kitten Instruction

I am delighted that you forwarded this email to me, as well as your livejournal friends, your co-workers, your MP, the alumni magazine of your alma mater, and Izzy Asper, who is dead. It truly shows how important we are to you.

And the emotion! Well it's obvious to all just how strongly you feel about this issue, and how courageous you are in taking action by forwarding this email to three hundred and seventy-nine near-strangers. Surely someone, somewhere, will be moved to actually do something?

Bonsai Bottle KittenIn the meantime, it is my great pleasure to inform you that your campaign has already had its desired result. Not only are no more Bonsai Kittens being produced in the sweatshops of Guandong and Jakarta, but – O can you guess??? It's unspeakably fabulous! Better than you could have believed possible!

Not only is the production of Bonsai Kittens ended, but the campaign has been so successful it has actually reached back in time and prevented the invention of Bonsai Kittens! That's right! Not only do they not exist, but now, thanks to an unstoppable army of emailers such as yourself, Bonsai Kittens in fact never existed!

Isn't it all just too marvelous? You should be so proud.

Sincerely,

raincoaster

But you can order one of these snazzy Bonsai Kitten Christmas ornaments but only if you act fast! Forward this to five of your friends…

http://www.omegagrafix.com/mouseover/bonsai.htm

Bonsai Kitten Ornament

and sometimes you don’t WANT to know

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TIASearches that led people to my blog yesterday:

curling porn, "And with strange aeons death may die, " viggo mortensen porn, cocaine corner, wendy messner cbc, hooker story, red corvette middle age

Supah. So somewhere out there are several people with unslaked curling fetishes, some random Cthulhu cultists, and many, many sexually deprived, desperate middle-aged keyboard jockeys.

But…Wendy Messner????? Now THAT is kinky.

Mark your calendar…just not where your wife can see

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And now we present this month's unmissable social event: MEAT 'n MIX

Thousands of happy customers can't be wrong. Get your fresh meat from Jamie Lee Hamilton, a woman with decades of experience in the flesh-peddling industry. Now you can own, instead of rent!

MEAT n MIXJamie Lee Hamilton
One-Woman NGO

Hi Friends,

Just a reminder of my One-Woman NGO MEAT n MIX happy hour on Friday March 31 from 4:30-7:30pm at the remodelled MIX pub in Mark James Lotus Hotel. The Lotus is located at 455 Abbott Street. You can visit my website at www.jamieleehamilton.com or Mix at www.lgbtmix.com

What is Meat n Mix you ask?
Well simply it is a number of Meat Draws
occurring on the last Friday of every month to benefit my One-Womean NGO which provides advocacy and support services to women and men involved in the sex trade.

This monthly event is an opportunity to come relax
after a hard week of work, be entertained, enjoy some good company, have a pint or martini or two and win some meat while supporting a good cause. Fun, surprises and give-a-ways.

Mark [last Friday of the month] on your calender for Meat n Mix from 4:30-7:30pm at Mix pub in the Lotus Hotel.

Cheers

Jamie Lee

The last time she was an NGO, Grandma's House got shut down for being a brothel and she ended up feuding to the point of death threats with the other board members and getting her medicine cut off by a vindictive government that wanted to force her to turn over the Society's books. So this should be worth watching.

Cephalopodcasting

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It's amazing what you find on the Internet when you're innocently surfing for images of "Cthulhu Christmas Carols."Tonmo

Like this:

http://www.tonmo.com/ 

What is TONMO.com?
TONMO.com: The Octopus News Magazine Online is an online community and news magazine about anything and everything pertaining to octopuses, squids and cephalopods. This includes research and biology, mythology, pet care, children's books and activities, current events, art, photography, site reviews, books, movies, poetry and writing, pop culture, diving, fossils, tattoos, and even recipes.

Indeed. And this, in a world where Jocelyne Wildenstein still has no fansite; is there no justice?

And here is their Octopodcast, sure to be a source of slimy joy to cephalofanciers the world over:

http://www.tonmo.com/octopodcast/index.php

Episode 4: March 2006 — An interview with New Zealand's Kat Bolstad (tintenfisch on TONMO.com) about her work with cephalopods.

Episode 3: February 2006 — This episode features an interview with Chrissy Huffard regarding “walking octopuses”.

Episode 2: January 2006 — This episode features an interview with Carol Sauer.

Episode 1 (Pilot Episode): December 2005 — This is the pilot episode, where I try to work out some of my "ums" and "you knows"…