Operation Global Media Domination: if it swims, it wins

baby microscopic octopusTIAI may as well give you what you want:

All Seafood, All the Time!

Seriously! And to think, when I started this blog I was getting incredulous “what, another post about Squid?” comments…

This is the list of searches that led to my blog today. You read the writing on the aquarium wall…

Search ViewsColossal Shrimp???
prawn on treadmill 14
steve irwin death video 11
prawn on a treadmill 11
beautiful agony 9
prawns on a treadmill 6
beautiful agony sample 6
steve irwin dead video 5
prawns on treadmill 4
Steve Irwin‘s Death Video 4

And what is my top post for today, beating out perennial winner and cleanest-cut pornsite on the planet Beautiful Agony, everyone’s new fave morbid wank, the Steve Irwin Death Video Controversy, and the Dancing With Has-Beens Dream Team of Aleksy Vayner and Lucy Gao?

Shrimp on a motherfucking Treadmill.

So basically, if it swims it wins.

The Technorati Blogworth Calculator in the sidebar finally updated and gave me another ten thousand dollars in imaginary play money (the only kind with which I am familiar) so I shall not kill the link. Yet. In related OGMD news, I’ve been consistently namechecked on ABC due to the Foley transcript that I linked to which is on…ABC. I outrank them in their own site.

I do not know what WordPress is doing, but I hope they keep on doing it, I tell you.

As well, I got some hits from CBS for snarking on Gao, which you can always depend on me to do, because I didn’t get to go to Oxford, and I’m not nearly such an ass, dammit, but I’m so over that now. That’s old news, but the Vayner saga, Vayner's model shotwhich I’ve mostly given a miss, has millions of people going “Gao, who is Gao?” at all the retro references and hitting the search engines. I’d rather own one douche than have a small piece of lots of them, so I’ve avoided much coverage of Vayner, laughable though he is (and by contrast Lucy Gao is really just callow, controlling and self-absorbed; she didn’t plagiarize a book on the Holocaust or invent pretend charities to head up). If he ends up getting busted with a converted schoolbus full of followers for some kind of cult murder I’ll be sorry, but until that time I shall sleep peacefully on this decision.

Oh shit, you don’t think he will, do you? Dayum…too late to jump aboard. The juggernaut has already left the station.

Allsorts: I don’t know who junaman is, but lots of people read him. He linked to my What is, like, up with Americans Megataco commercial and the next thing you know I have 117 hits! Well okay, I put the link into his comments section, Blog Pimping 101, but it’s proof that if you do that it had better be damn good, because the next time I checked the thread he’d gone and updated the post and given me the linkie luv. I don’t really mind making an ass of myself, but it feels so good when I don’t, ya know?

Also: won a cheap plastic token of appreciation on Defamer. Personally, I think that’s a terrible way to refer to Tara Reid, but we’ll let it go. The joke that won was an utterly filthy reference to a very obscure aspect of the Superman Kaldor mythology.

In related news, I’m right up there when you search for Tickle Me Darth?Celebrity Sex Tapes, courtesy of the Fondle Me Elmo furry YouTube I stole from Defamer. Again, I outrank the source; that’s what being dirty-minded when writing ledes will get you.

And the Osmond video link I posted to Gawker (Blog Pimping 101 again) seems to have gone slightly viral, ending up giving me double-digit hits from car racing forums for something that was actually recorded back before Donny was a solo act. Still, this was my good deed for the week, for yea verily, they rawked that shiat!

Okay, I’ve done double my normal weekly word count today and you’re no doubt thinking “Too much black, not enough modesty, biatch” but nyah nyah, Andy gave me my own domain, so there!

I always knew being a dictator would come naturally to me.

The view is more beautiful now that it is mine. Seriously.

7 thoughts on “Operation Global Media Domination: if it swims, it wins

  1. So you actually should paste a link into the comments section. Of course, if I shot my husband instead of my foot, I could be doing that right now. Damn it!

  2. ? What link should I paste? Oh, mine! Easy:

    http://www.raincoaster.com

    Woohoo! Although as a communal anarchist I’m not too thrilled about the “com” part, and it’s misleading since I am not the one making money from ads on my blog, still I cannot change the world of people who’ve never heard of me, eh?

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