Author Archives: raincoaster

Operation Global Media Domination: The Governor-General Situation

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Well Possums, while it seems that we are still the front-runner in the stakes to become Canada’s newest Governor-General, that’s only because nobody else seems to want the job. Nonetheless, we will not allow ourselves to be discouraged (as you can see, we’re already slipping into the Royal Third Person). Nay, nay! Quite the contrary.

We have begun referring to “The general situation” as “The vice-regal situation” in order to slide more seamlessly into our inevitable new vice-regalian role as GG.

There have been a few refinements to the platform over the past several weeks and indeed more than a whole month now. How the time flies when you’re running a satirical campaign to make an anarchal communist the Queen’s Representative in Canada!

First of all, we have our first fan-created marketing collateral, in the form of this beauteous featured image from @Owlerine.

https://twitter.com/owlerine/status/1353801391018393600

With the backup, just in case Plan A doesn’t work out. Which, in my world it never does.

For one thing, it looks like kd lang is indeed on board as our Ambassador to Narnia, a post necessitated by the past activities of our Grand Vizier, Vermine Supreme, who has previously called for the elimination of the scrappy fantasy nation by the use of nuclear weapons. If anyone can smooth this over, it’s kd lang.

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Shortcut to Canadian Vaccination!

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FYI this works far better than relying on the Ontario government website, because Doug Ford was in charge of that, so what can you expect?

raincoaster's avatar#OpNazi

We tried, and failed, to sign up for the AZ jab on the Ontario government website. Because Doug Ford sux, that’s why: the stupid website (he probably paid some guy abroad or the son of a donor $20 for the site on Fiverr) was trying to send us to the next town over when we’d literally have to pass three different pharmacies that are giving out the vaccine in order to get there.

Correction: five pharmacies.

Anyhoodle, here’s what we’ve discovered. IGNORE the provincial government site, pick the pharmacy closest to you, and go to that company’s website to register. This gets it done, gets it right, and gets you in the system faster.

Pick the one closest to you (in our case, a Shoppers) and they will have a particular page where you fill out a form to get in the queue for your vaccine. The government site…

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It's not easy being green

The Woody Covid Briefing Bingo

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Good morning, possums, and welcome to the latest in our Completely Arbitrarily Named Briefing Bingos. There is a unifying concept, if a completely arbitrary one because everything is meaningless and nothing matters anymore, and also because the post needs a title in order to go live, but the title has to be chosen before the briefing happens because time is linear, but nobody has guessed it so far. The concept, not the nature of Time.

So far we have had:

Your guesses can go in the comment section for a chance to win fabulous, completely imaginary prizes. Nobody has even attempted this yet, but we’re getting to the point where there’s no excuse. Gonna get pretty obvious soon. Much like whether or not we’re getting an election this year.

It's not easy being green
It’s not easy being green

Here’s our video, starting fifteen minutes late today so you get to mark your “Starts more than ten minutes late” square right off the bat. 557 people watching right now. By 2pm that’s gotten up to 1500, but Fridays are always lower than Tuesdays for some reason. It’s not like people are off to the cottage on Fridays these days.

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Justin Trudeau's gratuitous ass shot. Let it not be said the LPC doesn't know how to give the people what they really want.

The Spanky Covid Briefing Bingo

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Yes, it’s vulgar, our nomenclative choice today, but this is Populism! What do you expect? It’s all Buck A Beer and Aspirational Asses and Trendy Body Modifications and the like. Besides, with this particularly well-chosen camera angle from the Liberal Convention, how could we NOT use it? Yoga works. Never let it be said that the Liberal Party of Canada does not know how to give The People what they want.

Justin Trudeau's gratuitous ass shot. Let it not be said the LPC doesn't know how to give the people what they really want.
You can’t tell me that shot is about the delegates.

Optics, people. It’s a Whole Thing.

Anyhoodle, now that we’ve introduced our arbitrary framing device, let us get to the actual briefing and see if it’s Doug Ford who gets spanked today.

Here’s our video, with only 287 watching at the start, but 4,000 more an hour later. We here at raincoaster HQ take full credit, of course.

On Parliament Hill, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau discusses the federal government’s response to the ongoing COVID-19 (coronavirus disease) pandemic. He is joined by Dominic LeBlanc (minister of intergovernmental affairs), Dr. Theresa Tam, Canada’s chief public health officer, and Dr. Howard Njoo, deputy chief public health officer.
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Robin by Christina Rollo

The Robin Covid Briefing Bingo

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Spring, possums. Sprung, it hath. Yesterday Buddy the Dog and I saw no fewer than a dozen robins on our perambulations, which are somewhat abbreviated now that Buddy’s an elderdog and has got The Rheumatiz bad in the hippal region. I, you understand, am ageless and impervious and my Tylenol consumption is purely for recreational purposes, of course.

Anyway, here we are with yet another in our popular series of Mystery Nomenclature Theme briefings. To date we’ve had: Robin, Snooky, Muddy (how did we luck into a featured image like that? Luck was with us that day), Grumpy, Sparky, Heavy Metal, and Happy. A Happy Covid Briefing Bingo. Yes, possums, I almost didn’t believe it myself. That was a big vaccine news day. As is today, ah, but that would be telling! You must read on to get to the good stuff, including my favourite tie. And lots and lots of red and white.

Robin by Christina Rollo
American Robin by Christina Rollo

Here is the Trudeau And Co Power Hour broadcast from CPAC. Youtube suggested I watch the CBC version, but as you know, possums, I’m working on my French and CBC has those sweet federal dollars to hire someone to talk over the French bits and tell you basically exactly what was just said in English, but again and run through the translationifier for extra word salad goodness, so anyway, here’s our video:

On Parliament Hill, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau discusses the federal government’s response to the ongoing COVID-19 (coronavirus disease) pandemic. He also comments on the death of Prince Philip, the Duke of Edinburgh. The prime minister is joined virtually by federal ministers Patty Hajdu (health), Anita Anand (public services and procurement), and Dominic LeBlanc (intergovernmental affairs), as well as Dr. Theresa Tam, Canada’s chief public health officer, and Dr. Howard Njoo, deputy chief public health officer.

And our cards, and I guess if we’re gonna be doing these until September I can go ahead and create a new card after all. Thought we’d seen the last of these, but apparently not.

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