blogrolling in our time: the Manolo and Cemeteries!

TIAYes, it’s been awhile since we had one of our patented updates from Operation Global Media Domination, so I know you must all be missing it terribly. I feel your pain. I heal your pain.

In the quest for global media domination, there are many milestones that must be reached: Technorati to make one’s bitch, Gawker commenter status to be gained, getting banned and returning, flamewars to be won, Diggs to be dugg, and most of all, blogrolls upon which to be listed. Yes, having your way with other people’s blogrolls is a critical prerequisite to world conquest, as any link-exchange junkie could tell you. And in the world of blogrolls, well, there are blogrolls and then there are blogrolls, if you know what I mean.

The Manolo has blogrolled me! It is the superfantastic!

Yes, the muse of the mule, the genius of the galosh, the Picasso of the pump, the nemesis of the Croc, The Manolo Shoeblogger has selected yours truly for his blogroll, and has shown us the luv to the tune of about 45 new readers, all of whom are asking themselves what in HELL I have in common with a shoe fashion blogger dandy of delicate sensibilities and refined elegance. Me too, but I’ll take the link, for I loves the Manolo deeply and would never own Crocs: why, for scaring the squirrels out of the garbage I put on a pair of platform thongs with beaded floral straps, I do, even if all I’m wearing on the rest of me is a towel.

TMI. Sorry, Mercury‘s in retrograde or something.

In any case, global media domination is a giving thing, an exercise in community-building at its most basic level (ie I end up owning the community). So in order to keep the karma snowball rolling in the right direction, we here at the ol’ raincoaster blog have added to our own blogroll, and we have done so in the simplest of ways. We surfed around and found neato shit and clicked “Add to Blogroll” (and let no blogger say that WordPress doesn’t have a sense of community; that’s a genius innovation!). So:

Welcome to the blogroll (and not a moment too soon), Cemeteries!

Anna Nicole Smith, angel

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why God took Anna Nicole

Because He needed to fill a critical staffing position:

Remember: Anna Nicole wants you to get laid this Valentine’s Day.

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Anna Nicole Smith’s finest moment

Seriously, what did you think she was famous for? Listen to these fans scream: they would cheer on a trainwreck if it wore a really trashy dress. As Nietzsche  says, when we cease to worship the old gods they die, and whatever we do worship becomes the new god.

Is this enlightenment?

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Anna Nicole Smith took the Jimi Hendrix way out

Anna Nicole Smith, Playboy

It seems “heart failure” was even more euphemistic than we thought. Access Hollywood is reporting that she choked to death on her own vomit, while under the influence of sedatives. Just like Jimi. You probably don’t want to watch the video they’ve got on that site; it’s voyeuristic, to say the least.

According to a credible source, an employee of Anna Nicole Smith found her in her room in the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino in Hollywood, Florida. The employee pulled back a sheet and discovered that she appeared to have choked on her own vomit.

The same source claims that Smith took what was referred to as a “children’s sedative,” and had “kept passing out” before her death.

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breaking news from the world of great metaphor: Anna Nicole Smith dead of heart failure

Anna Nicole Smith, mugshotNow there’s a loaded expression.

After retiring from a modelling career that went up and down with the tidal shifts in her saline implants, becoming the human trainwreck hostess of the original Reality TV celebrities-more-fucked-up-than-us show, marrying a wizened zombie with one foot in the grave (nip slip in the wedding photos), hosting a poolside wake for him a few months later and nearly knocking the casket into the water with her drunken antics, sexually assaulting at least one personal assistant, and killing off her eldest child by sharing a Barbaro-sized dose of recreational methadone, Anna Nicole Smith has finally done the right thing by her offspring and has died of the both euphemistic and true-on-so-many-levels heart failure at the Hard Rock Casino resort in Florida.

Do you know anyone else who parties so hard they take a private nurse with them to the Casino?

Update: looks like she needed that nurse!

While it’s a shame when anyone so young is taken, I can’t bring myself to shed a tear for this narcissistic hedonist. Her little girl (paternity still a matter before the courts) is better off without her. If Anna Nicole Smith did an honest, generous act in her life the track record would lead me to believe she did it by accident.

Anna Nicole Smith, party girlDefamer, as always, has the best roundup.

Larry King is back, and he’s confident that the legal system will eventually figure out who’s the father of her newborn daughter Dannielynn. He almost sounds cocky about it, leading us to suspect he’s trying to hint the baby is his, just to prove his incredible virility at an advanced age.

King once again falls into reverie, recalling the time she appeared on his show so drunk and incomprehensible that SNL reran the interview without altering it. She’s compared to Marilyn Monroe (for a variety of reasons), called “not the smartest woman in the world,” but also “fun.” King is clearly working through his feelings on-air.

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