l8r d00dz

I would put up a post, but quite frankly I’m completely frazzled and preoccupied. I am like a Chihuahua on crack. In a blender.

I need to round up a good solid $300 by the end of this month, OR ELSE. Seriously, I haven’t even got the presence of mind to trawl through the quizzes and post something amusing. Besides, I’ve spent most of the past two days running around the city putting up flyers for my blogging course this weekend.

Seriously: anybody want to hire me to coach them via IM. Like, before Monday?

You see that Operation Global Media Domination Paypal button, right? Right?

Life & Style of the Great Old Ones

Rising couple the Nyarlathoteps have previously given our readers a peek at the stunningly exotic landscaping features they’ve installed at their new Miami mansion. Now come with us as they take us on an exclusive tour of the interior of their eldritch neo-Aegyptian hideaway.

Coffee Set

Their handpainted china, commissioned from a secret Asian workshop “somewhere on the Plateau of Leng.”

Alien Coffee Table

Their custom-designed bibelots tables from “the Dark Star beyond Aldebaran,” which is a label so exclusive it is one of which we at L&S have never heard. How exciting!

Angel of the Apocalypse

Their most unusual garden fixtures. This is their play structure for “the frolics” by which we take it to mean they’re planning on having many little Nyarlathoteps soon.

“Oh yes,” says Mr. Nyarlathotep (call me Abdul, he says to our interviewer, graciously) “We are planning to have many, many children, aren’t we, Shub?”

And his wife smiles inscrutably as she strokes one of their collection of sleek, black cats.

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Pussy tips from Fox: picking the perfect playmate for your cat house

Catwoman relaxing with her humans

Cat houses are notoriously hard to manage and staff. While we’ve all made impulsive choices at one time or another, some decisions are far too important to be left to the whims of the moment. Certainly at the time it seems right. It seems natural. It seems good.

But the next morning, when there are another’s hairs in the sink and breath in our faces, we must ask ourselves: did we really make the right choice?

Fortunately, the ever-dependable Fox News has stepped into the breach and collected a list of tips for picking the perfect pussy. Never again will you face morning-after remorse!

[they] can be a wonderful addition to any household. But many novice — —-rs assume this “pet” will be an aloof alternative to a —, which is far from the truth. While they can stay indoors and do not have the exercise requirements of —s, —s do require attention and stimulation…

Although —s are usually thought of as a low-maintenance ——, they still need play time and care. —s may not need to be taken out for a walk, but that does not mean they do not require a serious commitment.

No matter whether it is a ———– ——– — or Russian —-, the decision to buy a — should be a decision made by every single person in the household…

Baby ——s, especially a wide-eyed ——, can be almost impossible to pass up. Anyone looking for a —— should consider that it is a tiny bundle of energy, very different from the composed demeanor of many adult —-.

“… they tend to be active from 3 to 6 a.m.,” Buchwald said. “It takes a lot of care. We often say, if you don’t feel like being awakened in the middle of the night, then maybe opt for an adult…” [anyone with a teenager would agree]

All ——-s are natural scratchers, according to Tartaglia, so it is important to provide natural surfaces … so ——– behavior does not turn destructive.

For people looking for a specific —, they might want to consider a breeder

And so on. That’s Fox: Not Afraid to Be Servicey.

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if only I could get money out of mine…

I hear some women know the trick.

Pussy Purse This little item, from Lola’s Dashboard (via Hazel) reminds me, for no reason I can put my finger on (in polite company) of the time I was at the Bacara resort near Santa Barbara, eating the most expensive breakfast of my life ($42 plus tip) and discussing, as one does at the breakfast table, the Black Dahlia murder case. I managed to avoid the more gruesome bits (a tricky business, to say the least) and concentrate on the psycho-social aspects of the case.

“Everyone said she was dumb, but by the time she died,” I said of the then-22-year-old victim, “she’d been living off men for five years. And she was still a virgin.”

“I want to know how.”

And quick as a flash, the waitress said, “When you find out, let me know, too.”

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1812 2.0 goes to Canada!

US Dollar vs Canadian Dollar

It took more than thirty years, but we’ve finally done it. We broke the American dollar.

Now for all the National Post articles claiming this is bad for our country. Of course it is: because you chained us to your bloody Conservative trade policy of bending over and giving the Americans anything they wanted. I only hope it ruins the venal minority who thrust this, unwanted, upon our country.

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