Digital image: “Applied Geometry” by Robert Wechsler
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Category Archives: capitalism
MC Nuts vs the Shat: rapping the classics, old skool
I love that the YouTube post for the following says, with a boundless and entirely irrational optimism, “See http://www.utalkmarketing.com for more like this,” almost as if you’d want to. The shrivelled and crusty cockles of one’s heart are bewarméd at their boyish enthusiasm and entirely unjustifiable pride in product. You GO, girlfriends!
How not to rap the classics: with a cheap squirrel costume, rancid moves, a transparent mercenaric desperation to appeal to “yoof,” and an intrusive fake “street” accent, eg the Lake Country‘s tourism campaign’s would-be-viral video of Wordsworth‘s great Romantic poem, “I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud“.
Contagious? Like ebola, baby! This thing has infected hard drives all over the world and, in fact, any laptop laid on a table that’s had an electronic device that has played this within the last thirty days is 80% likely to have its circuits liquified, spewing silicon in horrific gushes from every oriface.
Now, watch how it should be done, by that master of subtlety, The Shat!
Honestly, when William. Fucking. Shatner. pulls this off better than you, it’s time to turn in your Norton Anthology.
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Fame, Glory, Sex and Money through Blogging: what it takes to beat the squirrel babies
Fame. Glory. Sex. Money. You want it all. You want it now.
And you want to get it by blogging.
I hear you, baby. I know how you feel. I’m one of you.
I’m about to give you some bad news…
The Fame? That comes fast, as long as you define “fame” as “slightly known, in that they can kindasorta recognize my header but have no idea what I look like way, to people who already read blogs.” This is a smaller group than you currently imagine, and even your late-night entreaties of the retired longshoremen on the rail at your local watering hole are not likely to change it on a measurable scale.
If you want to be famous to politicians’ research staffers, WoW-playing slackers, or sysadmins, however, you’ve got it made.
The Glory? See above, plus your mother will be proud of you once you spend three consecutive holidays explaining to her what blogging is and showing her how to put YOUR blog in HER email signature. Unless you’re a porn blogger, and then we don’t want to know about your relationship with your mother.
The Sex? You mean with other people? What would I know about that? Ask the porn bloggers if you must.
The Money?Ah, the money. Now we come to it; you figured that if you stuck Adsense on your cat blog that you could just sit back and watch the millions roll in, didn’t you? You’ve taken a couple of overpriced SEO seminars and can’t understand why you aren’t able to quit your day job just yet.
In point of fact, there are three ways to earn six figures from blogging.
Of these three, we at the ol’ raincoaster blog favour #3, for lo, we are in truth and in fact not Robert Scoble and yea verily we can hardly understand what engtech says half the time (and could only get a six-figure job if you left out the decimal entirely), so that leaves only one option.
Fortunately, the Magnanimous Manolo has laid out a simple yet superfantastic planenabling you to scale the heights of the six-figure-blogo-strato-sphere. Or, as he puts it, “to beat the squirrel babies.”
You may think, Mr. Arturo G. Bloggerman, that your grand mission is to enlighten the unwashed masses, to whom you declaim the unpleasant truth from your exalted perch at declaimingloudly.blogspot.com. But in the point of fact, if the unwashed masses do not find your loud declamations entertaining they will quickly move down the street to the Cuteoverload to look at the pictures of the squirrel babies.
So, what must you do to compete with the squirrel babies?
Read the rest of the articleto learn the superfantastic surefire secret to six-figure success!
(sorry, been reading a lot of marketing faff lately)
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Berlin Wall stolen!
I. Am. Serious.
In the middle of the night over the quiet holiday weekend, a huge section of the historic Berlin Wall was removed and transported to destinations unknown without warning. The theft was discovered, of course, when the usual flock of tourists arrived to photograph the famous Cold War monument and its artistic and legended graffitti and found…
air.
Who pulled off this brazen heist? Who felt the need for anonymity so deep that it paid double- or triple-time to remove a massive wall over the quietest weekend of the year, one devoted to family and the remembrance of the death of Jesus, and under cover of the deepest darkness?
The usual suspect.
The Guardian has the full report:
After a couple of days spent keeping its head down, the government finally owned up. The federal civil engineering and planning office said it had removed the panels so that construction of the new environment ministry could go ahead on the site.
Quick to attempt to heal the public relations gaffe, a spokeswoman for the planning office said the intention was to eventually incorporate the strip of wall into a visitor centre of the ministry, which onlookers would be able to view through a window. She said the missing segment had been put in storage and was being professionally restored.
Of course, we’ve all heard that one before.
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raincoaster 