It’s beginning to look a lot like has beens, everywhere you go. There’s a feeble attempt to groove, a face too plastic to move, a greedy ex-wife, plus there’s all the blow…

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the legendary punk rocker Billy Idol has finally given up all pretense to cool and released the predictable mid-career Christmas album, twenty years too late. While his voice has always boasted the lushness of port-soaked velvet and may indeed suit the material (or it did a generation ago. like when he released Yellin’ at the Christmas Tree), let’s just say that celebrating the birth of the baby Jesus in song isn’t the very first thing that comes to mind when I think of Billy Idol.

Listen to a bizarrely country-themed yet shockingly not half bad Winter Wonderland here. And while you’re there, you can order Billy Idolwear, including thongs! As if anyone close to Billy wears underwear…

And just for auld lang syne:

“Yellin’ At The Xmas Tree“

(Billy Idol/Brian Tichy)

When I was a small boy
Here in London town
Seasons snow was falling on the ground
All the friends and family
Here on Christmas Eve
Gather round to dress
The Christmas tree
But daddy’s down at the pub
Full of Christmas cheer
Probably won’t come home
Until next year

[Chorus:]
Oh the Christmas bells are ringing
And the carolers are singing
But Daddy, he don’t hear ’em
He’s yellin’ at the Christmas tree
Santa’s balls are jingling
Mommy’s hips a-wiggling
But Daddy, he don’t hear ’em
He’s yellin, he’s yellin’
At the Christmas tree

All right now yeah…

Uncle is a sports fan
Granny likes a joke
But no one laughs when
Daddy’s stumbles home
But he don’t fall asleep
Wah! The night was getting black

You see, oh God,
Dad had too much Jack
Oh Lord!

Every year is the same old thing
Like Rudolph’s red nose
Telling this story will never get old

[Chorus]

Well alright now yeah…
Well alright now…
Yellin’ at the Christmas tree

Santa came down the chimney
But then he ran upstairs
Jumped in bed with Mommy
She didn’t care
Across the room went the fruitcakes
Ah, the wreath came off the door
If these are holidays I can take no more
Every year it’s the same old thing
Like Rudolph’s red nose
Hearing this story will never get old

[Chorus]

Santa’s balls are jingling
Mommy’s hips a-wiggling
But Daddy, he don’t hear ’em
He’s yellin’
He’s yellin’ at the Christmas tree

Well alright now yeah…

He’s yellin’ at the Christmas tree
He’s yellin’ at the Christmas tree
He’s yellin’ at the Christmas tree
He’s sleeping it the Christmas tree