My Secret Boyfriend: photo proof of suitability

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This explains so much about Imaginary Boyfriend #2 (see Imaginary Boyfriend #1 here) former British Prime Minister Tony Blair.

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Thought for the Day: them sonnets ain’t gonna scribe themselves

Shakespeare got to get paid, son.

There’s a lot of this particular thought going around lately: does that make it a meme?

Saturday Night Dance Party

Introducing perhaps the strangest mashup in history: potty-mouthed Canuck songstress (and former elementary school teacher) Peaches vs the Andy Griffith Show. She even looks like the bastard spawn of a drunken Fife family reunion, conceived under the picnic table amid the scattered and smeared debris of far too many deviled eggs and Budweisers.

NSFW, duh.

Fuck the Pain Away

Suckin’ on my titties like you wanted me,
Callin me, all the time like blondie
Check out my chrissy behind
It’s fine all of the time
Like sex on the beaches,
What else is in the teaches of peaches? huh? what?

Suckin’ on my titties like you wanted me,
Callin me, all the time like blondie
Check out my chrissy behind
It’s fine all of the time
What else is in the teaches of peaches?
Like sex on the beaches. huh? what?

huh? right. what? uhh.
huh? what? right. uhh.
huh? what? right. uhh.
huh? what? right. uhh.

SIS IUD, stay in school coz it’s the best.
IUD SIS, stay in school coz it’s the best.
IUD SIS, stay in school coz it’s the best.
IUD SIS, stay in school coz it’s the best.

Suckin’ on my titties like you wanted me,
Callin me, all the time like blondie
Check out my chrissy behind
It’s fine all of the time.
What else is in the teaches of peaches?
Like sex on the beaches. huh? what?

Fuck the pain away. Fuck the pain away.
Fuck the pain away. Fuck the pain away.
Fuck the pain away. Fuck the pain away.
Fuck the pain away. Fuck the pain away.
Fuck the pain away. Fuck the pain away.
Fuck the pain away. Fuck the pain away.
Fuck the pain away. Fuck the pain away.
Fuck the pain away. Fuck the pain away.

huh? what? right. uhh. huh? what? right. uhh.
What else in the teaches of peaches, like sex on the beaches.
huh? what? right. uhh.

Fuck the pain away. Fuck the pain away.
Fuck the pain away. Fuck the pain away.
Fuck the pain away. Fuck the pain away.
Fuck the pain away. Fuck the pain away.

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Carla Bruni’s music for a rainy day

Let me tell you a story.

No, let me set a scene, then tell you a story. That’s probably not the way max would have it done, but then max isn’t pulling an all-nighter and watching a thunderstorm out the window while slurping porridge (mixed “apples and cinnamon” and “maple and brown sugar”; what can I say, I’m a rebel) which I don’t mean to say means I shouldn’t write well, but that I am undoubtably the best writer in the world pulling an all-nighter and watching a thunderstorm out the window while slurping porridge (mixed “apples and cinnamon” and “maple and brown sugar”; what can I say, I’m a rebel) right now.

Or prove I’m not!

In any case, the scene is:

INT, Workspace, DAY,  thunderstorm with hail

I’m pulling an all-nighter and watching a thunderstorm out the window while slurping porridge (mixed “apples and cinnamon” and “maple and brown sugar”; what can I say, I’m a rebel). Today I was going through a stack of unmarked CD’s for reasons of my own which shall remain nameless here for no particular reason except dramatic tension, frantically looking for one that was empty, and found a bunch with music files on them. I stuffed them into the backpack to transfer to the Zune later, and then Later arrived and I picked one up and put it in the laptop, preparatory to stuffing on the Zune, and it started to play and I stopped cold and went, “What IS that? That’s terrific!”

And “terrific,” I will have you know, is far too wholesome a word for me to use lightly.

Faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar.

And what was it, this song that was so terrific? Well, I had to wait till it was ripped to find out, because I don’t care how good your eyes are, staring at an unmarked CD will NOT give you that information, not even if you tilt it. And does anyone remember the name of that guy? That guy who could tell you what album, what version, he was looking at just by, you know, looking at it? WITHOUT the album cover, duh. Well, do ya, punk?

Right, the song. It was this song, quelqu’un qui m’a dit, which you can download here. It’s by Carla Bruni, now First Lady of France. If you like whispery, fragile brunette Euros who can carry a delicate tune, you’ll like this.

quelqu’un qui m’a dit

On me dit que nos vies ne valent pas grand chose,
Elles passent en un instant comme fanent les roses.
On me dit que le temps qui glisse est un salaud que de nos chagrins il s’en fait des manteaux pourtant quelqu’un m’a dit…

Refrain:
Que tu m’aimais encore,
C’est quelqu’un qui m’a dit que tu m’aimais encore.
Serais ce possible alors ?

On me dit que le destin se moque bien de nous
Qu’il ne nous donne rien et qu’il nous promet tout
Parais qu’le bonheur est à portée de main,
Alors on tend la main et on se retrouve fou
Pourtant quelqu’un m’a dit …

Refrain

Mais qui est ce qui m’a dit que toujours tu m’aimais?
Je ne me souviens plus c’était tard dans la nuit,
J’entend encore la voix, mais je ne vois plus les traits
“Il vous aime, c’est secret, lui dites pas que j’vous l’ai dit”
Tu vois quelqu’un m’a dit…

Que tu m’aimais encore, me l’a t’on vraiment dit…
Que tu m’aimais encore, serais ce possible alors ?

On me dit que nos vies ne valent pas grand chose,
Elles passent en un instant comme fanent les roses
On me dit que le temps qui glisse est un salaud
Que de nos tristesses il s’en fait des manteaux,
Pourtant quelqu’un m’a dit que…

Refrain

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Stephen Hawking never stood a chance

Stephen Hawking is so cool he can fly!

Poor, poor Stephen Hawking. You know Stephen Hawking: media personality, author of A Brief History of Time, Lucasian Professor for Mathematics at the University of Cambridge. You know, Cambridge. The one in England.

Why should you pity him? Because his life is in imminent danger!

A no-doubt-soon-to-be-unemployed editorial writer at Investor’s Business Daily is strongly of the impression that the brilliant British physicist owes his life to having been born and raised in the Good Old U. S. of A.

People such as scientist Stephen Hawking wouldn’t have a chance in the U.K., where the National Health Service would say the life of this brilliant man, because of his physical handicaps, is essentially worthless.

via TheVanityPress

Let us not disturb baby’s dreams. It would only be cruel. After all, the poor boy can’t help it: he undoubtably went to American schools.

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