Category Archives: Crime

Crime Pays: Fundraiser for the Federation of BC Writers

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Cross–posted from the Shebeen Club

Who: The Federation of BC Writers and the Shebeen Club

What: a wicked good fundraiser for the Fed

When: Monday, March 16th, 6-9pm

Where: The Vancouver Police Museum, 240 East Cordova Street, Vancouver

Why: it would be criminal to miss this party!

Crime Pays film noir femme fatale

Wanted: YOU!

Come help the Fed celebrate 32 years of getting away with murder. Whether infiltrating schools, divvying up swag, or distributing subversive publications, the Federation of BC Writers has been operating unchecked in our province for decades.

Do you enjoy the vicarious thrill of rubbing shoulder pads with the Lost Literati of the Wild West, surrounded by instruments of murder and mayhem in the cosy confines of the police museum? Do you have what it takes to make your bones as a Fed member? There’s only one way to find out! Come out to the party and make us an offer we can’t refuse.

Admission: $20 minimum donation includes a drink and appetizers. Click here to register. If you won’t be attending, but would like to support the Fed, you can click the Paypal button in the sidebar to make an online donation in the amount of your choice.

Dress code: Trenchcoat and fedora, deerstalker and cape, jailhouse stripes, uniforms, Bond Villain suits or femme fatale slinkwear all optional but encouraged. Attitude absolutely mandatory.

This arresting experience will feature Western Canada’s first Poetry Brothel (five bucks buys a love poem read to you by a sexy stunner) as well as a Guys and Dolls date auction, so bring your chequebook! Our lineup of lads and lovelies will show the winning bidders the times of their lives, thanks to generous sponsorship from premier local entertainments.

Raffle prize donations, bribes, and sponsorship applications very welcome: please email lorraine.murphy at Gmail dot com. Anything related to crime or the theme of noir is particularly welcome, eg detective books, Martini glasses, etc, or anything black or white.

The Crime Pays fundraiser will be our Shebeen Club meeting for the month of March, so I hope to see everyone there, dressed fabulously and behaving infamously!

quiz: which felony are you?

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Oh good heavens, I don’t know where this quiz came up with such a terrible thing to say about me! Golly jeepers I just can’t imagine! And besides, I was buying toys for orphans at the time…I put it on my Facebook Status!


You Are Stalking


You tend to be very obsessive. Once you focus your attention on something or someone, it’s all you think about.

You are also very secretive. People don’t know much about the life that you lead.

You are attracted to weak people. You may want to prey on them, but you also may just want to help them.

You need attention, and you can get desperate if you aren’t getting attention from the right person. You’ll do about anything to get noticed.

LA ICE: shovelling the snowbacks back

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This is remarkable video of one of LA’s most secretive police units, ICE: Illegal Canadian Enforcement. They sweep the streets clean of Canuckistani invaders, tipped off by nothing more than a glimpse of an NHL jersey, a whiff of maple syrup, or just a whistled bar of “Snowbird.”

Fear them.

Stolen from EvilBeet

For Vindictive Vegans

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Because even environmentalists have enemies.

Brenneman's All-Natural Poisons!

Stolen from the inspired Dr Boli and posted here under the inspiration of this forum thread about how to keep ants out of hardware. Strange bedfellows, my friend, is the only kind I have lately.

Today in Assault with an Amusing Weapon News

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It’s been a banner day (or would be, if banners were hung for this and I suppose if they were you’d probably have to call it hanged anyway, at least if you had a pretentious editor you would) for ridiculous weapons around the U. S. of A. which increasingly appears to stand for the Unhinged States of Absurdity, for lo, on one simple, time-wasting cruise through Fark we netted all of the following very ripe fish:

Assault with a deadly gnome.

The gnome, about a foot tall, wore a hat, a blue shirt over a bulging stomach and a wide grin as it sat on a table in open court throughout the two-day trial. Morrison and the weapon were separated by about 2 feet of table, with the gnome facing the defendant.

The Gazpacho Assassin.

Russell Kranz said he begged his wife not to kill him and was struck in the face with large numbers of tomatoes, the complaint stated.

Sheriff’s officers reported tomatoes were crushed “everywhere” in the residence.

and last but not in this ex-barista’s heart least is:

Have Bikini, Will Liquidate.

“He has underwear over his face, he’s wearing hot pink panties now and the underwear that he was wearing is over his face and there’s a little peephole so he can see,” Feddock said.

… They tried to get a look at the man’s license plate, but that too was covered up with women’s underwear.When the man came back a third time one of the baristas took a cup of scolding [sic] hot water and doused him with it.

“Kylie opened the door and threw boiling hot water on his face and his chest and he said oooh yeah,” Feddock said.

Police are seeking a clean, filthy suspect.