Slept in, no time for elaborate framing devices today. We’re going in raw!
Reporters are laughing; that’s not always a good thing, depending on your perspective, so mark your “Drama is happening offstage” square. We are a dark people.
Here’s our video, not officially a comedy.
Ah, dammit, forgot the Bingo cards:
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Today’s briefing is brought to you by this seven year old Covidian philosopher.
Kid has spoken for all of us, hasn’t he?
We’re standing around, all 320 of us watching the CPAC video, waiting for Trudeau who is late for the briefing at his own house, from the glamorous location known as Front Yard. Even the sign language interpreters are waiting. Well, I’m sitting in my usual chair, having lost the struggle with The Roommate for control f the tv, so this briefing will be done by flipping back and forth between tabs on the computer. If I miss a “Gesticulates” or a “Drinks water” or whatever, let me know in the comments.
And somehow I am not yet an accredited member of the parliamentary press gallery; may have something to do with not having applied, and yet one suspects that my odds are the same whether I do apply or not. Ain’t nobody replying to my emailed questions to the PMO. I might have to actually…phone.
*shudders*
i’M a ReAl rEpOrTeR dAmMiT!
And now, our video:
Ah, dammit, forgot the Bingo cards:
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Because we didn’t have time to set up an elaborate framing device. If we had, we’d have used this one.
Or this:
I’m beginning to think that, as 2020 was like being in the boat in Life of Pi, 2021 is just liminal space.
Our video, which has a shockingly low 668 views so far. NOBODY is feeling it today, not even Justin Trudeau:
Okay, here we go. Squares: Outdoors, Outerwear, Rideau Hall, Begins in French, Gloves, Scarf. And Vaccine.
Oh right, you need your bingo cards:
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Good morning, possums! We’re here, we’re caffeinated, and we’re doing this!
Basically the core elements of existentialism. Don’t ask too many questions (another core element). Existentialism is a Whole Mood, very 2021 indeed.
I don’t even know who I am anymore now that I’m not a cybersecurity journalist and I’m not the Governor-General of Canada.
Yet.
Our video is here, with 1700 tuned in live. Fridays are always busy at Rideau Cottage:
I see CPAC Captioneer is feeling Existentialist himself. Without faith in history or the future, their captions are meaningless, and without the incentive of being paid by the word there is no reason to fill them out to 150 words, the way they did mere weeks ago. It’s okay, CPAC Captioneer. We’re all half-assing it these days except Justin Trudeau, who is coasting on the adrenaline that’s sustained him through the Trump years and the oxytocin glow of the Joe Biden inauguration.
Edited to add: I guess CPAC doesn’t get a copy of the speech in advance, because only after the fact do they fully-ass the captions:
Prime Minister Justin Trudeau provides an update from outside his home in Ottawa on the federal government’s response to the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic. He announces tighter travel restrictions aimed at curbing the spread of the coronavirus. Air Canada, WestJet, Sunwing and Air Transat have agreed to suspend air services to all Caribbean destinations and Mexico starting January 31 until April 30. In addition, starting next week, international flights will only be allowed to land at Toronto, Montreal, Vancouver and Calgary. The prime minister also announces that the federal government will soon introduce mandatory in-airport PCR testing for returning travellers, who must await their results at an approved hotel for up to three days at their own expense. Mandatory COVID-19 testing at U.S. land borders will also be coming for non-essential travellers.
And our cards are here:
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Here we go. No fancy framing theme today, because I used all my mojo up yesterday creating a platform for my run to be elected Governor-General. I had no idea standards were so low: I may actually have a real shot at this. Haven’t killed anyone with a car yet, nor beaten a spouse, but hey, day’s not over, amirite?
One notes with interest that they’ve already killed her GGJPayette Twitter account, and now it’s just Canadian_GG. Oh, snap!
I need to go back and amend that post about becoming Governor-General, to put Mike Holmes in charge of all the permaculture-related renovations at Rideau Hall, and give Scott McGillivray some sort of “facilities manager” title just to keep him around so I can look at him. God knows, I’m a sucker for a good head of hair.
Oh yes, and we will write it into the rules that in order to graduate from a Canadian university, you must spend at least six months working in either retail or food and beverage service, ie waiting tables, cashier, sales floor, or cooking and/or serving fast food. No exceptions, no fancy bougie compound sinecure your connected uncle gets for you (“Second Under Barback at Bohemian Grove” spare me; if your shoes don’t smell like beer at the end of a shift, you ain’t a barback), no management jobs. Yes, welcome to the life of a front line worker. Your proletarian brothers and sisters embrace you! Enjoy your Teachable Moment.
Meanwhile, you can’t tell me Twitter isn’t comedy gold.
But where was I? Oh yes, explaining that there would be absolutely no elaborate introduction, nor framing device for today’s Covid Briefing Bingo. None. Zip. Because it’s 2021 and we’re over it, really, aren’t we?
Very well, here we go. Our video is here:
raincoaster 