Category Archives: Culture

Boris Johnson’s Ping Pong Speech

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Again I say: oh, Boris. Don’t ever change.

Boris Johnson, Mayor of London gives quite possibly the greatest Olympic speech ever made; quite certainly the most entertaining. But why didn’t he bring up Poodle Clipping? That was an Olympic sport!

“Virtually every single one of our international sports were either invented or codified by the British, and I say this respectfully to our Chinese hosts who have excelled so magnificently at ping pong,” he said in a tongue-in-cheek speech.

“Ping pong was invented on the dining tables of England in the 19th century and it was called wiff waff.

“There I think you have the essential difference between us and the rest of world.

“Other nations, the French, looked at a dining table and saw an opportunity to have dinner. We looked at a dining table and saw an opportunity to play wiff waff. That is why London is the sporting capital of the world.

“And I say to the Chinese, and I say to the world: ping pong is coming home.”

Text excerpt from Sander Cohen’s Muse

Furniture Sex: a cultural phenomenon whose time has come

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It was Lisanti that started it, on Twitter. Cultural phenomena used to start in Rome and were carried, over the course of years, to the outer reaches of Europe, Africa and the Middle East. Now they start on Twitter.

Sic transit Gloria I didn’t know Gloria took public transit, now where was I?

Oh yes, talking about decadence and cultural devolution and short attention spans. And Twits. Tweets. Whatevers.

@lianamaeby Have you considered the possibility that Jason Schwartzman is fucking atop your building’s dryer?

He sez. And he goes on, all unashamed-like:

It occurred to me that some of you may not be interested in who might be fucking atop @lianamaeby dryer.But I say dryer-humping is beautiful.

It is at this point that I recall hazily that it was on Lisanti‘s watch that Defamer posted the notorious Peer Pressure video. Peer Pressure? you ask, or you do if you’re not too undercaffeinated to recognize a cue when you see one. Peer Pressure, the glorious YouTube record of the Pathetic, Skeezy, Gangsta-Lite, Ottoman Gang-Banging Empire.

This:

Previously, of course, there was the brain-scarring Chachi Loves Couches incident, of which we shall not speak. It is still too painful.

And where has it gone from there? From the obviously diseased mind of a broken and twisted blogger, cast aside by Technorati and wandering now in the wilds of Tumblr, where the tumblrweeds are all following one another. Also: size queen!

China Vagina
China Vagina

Which he stole from BrianVan.

But now the meme (I said meme; shoot me if you must) has broken free of its moorings and is careening about the memosphere, infecting all in its path. First Silverstar, then Az:

Where will it end???

Boston?

White Plastic Chairs Mating
White Plastic Chairs Mating

Even the Germans?

If you think that's sexy you should see his easy chair!
you should see his easy chair

Restaurant at Risk!

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Married To The Sea
marriedtothesea.com

This one’s for Raul

For Vindictive Vegans

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Because even environmentalists have enemies.

Brenneman's All-Natural Poisons!

Stolen from the inspired Dr Boli and posted here under the inspiration of this forum thread about how to keep ants out of hardware. Strange bedfellows, my friend, is the only kind I have lately.

Today in Assault with an Amusing Weapon News

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It’s been a banner day (or would be, if banners were hung for this and I suppose if they were you’d probably have to call it hanged anyway, at least if you had a pretentious editor you would) for ridiculous weapons around the U. S. of A. which increasingly appears to stand for the Unhinged States of Absurdity, for lo, on one simple, time-wasting cruise through Fark we netted all of the following very ripe fish:

Assault with a deadly gnome.

The gnome, about a foot tall, wore a hat, a blue shirt over a bulging stomach and a wide grin as it sat on a table in open court throughout the two-day trial. Morrison and the weapon were separated by about 2 feet of table, with the gnome facing the defendant.

The Gazpacho Assassin.

Russell Kranz said he begged his wife not to kill him and was struck in the face with large numbers of tomatoes, the complaint stated.

Sheriff’s officers reported tomatoes were crushed “everywhere” in the residence.

and last but not in this ex-barista’s heart least is:

Have Bikini, Will Liquidate.

“He has underwear over his face, he’s wearing hot pink panties now and the underwear that he was wearing is over his face and there’s a little peephole so he can see,” Feddock said.

… They tried to get a look at the man’s license plate, but that too was covered up with women’s underwear.When the man came back a third time one of the baristas took a cup of scolding [sic] hot water and doused him with it.

“Kylie opened the door and threw boiling hot water on his face and his chest and he said oooh yeah,” Feddock said.

Police are seeking a clean, filthy suspect.