Palin Poetry

No, that’s not a misspelling of some random Bjork tune; it’s what the incoherent, rambling speech of Sarah Palin turned into once the immortal William Shatner got his paws on it. Behold:

From the full, delicious, transcript:

And getting up here I say it is the best road trip in America soaring through nature’s finest show. Denali, the great one, soaring under the midnight sun. And then the extremes. In the winter time it’s the frozen road that is competing with the view of ice fogged frigid beauty, the cold though, doesn’t it split the Cheechakos from the Sourdoughs? And then in the summertime such extreme summertime about a hundred and fifty degrees hotter than just some months ago, than just some months from now, with fireweed blooming along the frost heaves and merciless rivers that are rushing and carving and reminding us that here, Mother Nature wins. It is as throughout all Alaska that big wild good life teeming along the road that is north to the future. That is what we get to see every day. Now what the rest of America gets to see along with us is in this last frontier there is hope and opportunity and there is country pride.

And, topical as always, Vanity Fair has already published Palin’s notes for the historic speech.

Palin says Buh Bye

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Banksy in Bristol

Banksy may or may not be a man; he may or may not be a collective; but he definitely IS my dream man (when you’re a communist, it doesn’t count as an orgy, it counts as “sharing”). Hey, it’s my dream, I can have what I want in it.

Not only did he give me my best-performing post ever, but he also just unveiled this:

Banksy is Putting the MPs into Chimps

Yes, he put the “MPs” into “Chimps.” But without Boris Johnson in the house, there’s a sad shortage of Bonobos to bring teh sex-ay.

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A Few Good Men?

Spy you didn't read the magazine, now don't buy the book

Well, more like A Few Men/Women/Undecided/We’reNotFussyAtThisPoint.

Seems the CIA is, as they periodically are, hiring, and as a specialized and important service, they have specialized and important expectations for their applicants, and thus they are marketing themselves to specialized and important people, like the legions of newly-“retired” Wall Street Former Masters of the Universe.

That’s right; in a Perfect Storm, a maelstrom of malevolently strategic males, the CIA is recruiting investment bankers.

Gawker charts the shocking congruence. Go read it. Hamilton’s done better with this than I ever could, so check out the snippet and then go to Gawker and read the whole thing and you’re welcome.

CIA: Did cocaine with Colombians and spent all night partying with hookers in a drug lord’s villa. It was a mission.
Bankers: Did cocaine with Colombians and spent all night partying with hookers in a Murray Hill co-op. It was Tuesday.

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My Mumps

Okay, so vaccines might turn you suddenly autistic or whatever. Still, what are your priorities, guys: your brains or your balls?

Yes, that is an actual Public Service Announcement from MumpsSucks, a safety intiative of the Ontario government. Canadians, as we have noted previously, always have the best safety announcements.

everything you wanted to know about Canada but were afraid to ask

Yep, that’s pretty much exactly it: everything you wanted to know about Canada but were afraid to ask, delivered by the funniest man Canada has ever produced, Rick Mercer.

Any questions?