Chocolate beaver is available for sale right in broad daylight on Robson Street! It’s really quite brazen the way they pose in the window, hoping to entice some passerby in a moment of weakneses to give in to his baser instincts!
photo by April Smith, intrepid Fearless photographer
What’s the difference, really, between one old Queen and another?
Which reminds me, in fact, of the time (I was not there, you understand, I heard it later, she wasn’t talking to me by that time) the Queen Mum phoned down to her butler’s switchboard or staff room or whatever it was and asked, “Would one of you old queens please bring this old Queen a large gin and tonic?”
Beaver shots are, indeed, one of our evergreen subjects around these parts, although if yours is green I’d recommend that Monistat stuff or maybe some nutritious, low-cal cranberry and yogurt smoothies.
Ahem.
And so it is that, once again, we are posting about beaver. Well, everybody loves beaver, right? Why, it’s the national animal of Canada! But specifically today, we are posting about The Beaver.
The. Beaver.
The forbidden beaver!
For as our trusty allies at Defamer report, The Beaver is possibly the hottest, best, most popular thing in Hollywood right now, but even so, The Beaver can’t get a contract.
Sigh. How many times have we heard it, my friends? How many more times must we hear this sad tale of neglected beavitude?
From The Black List, a list of greatest unproduced screenplays:
1. THE BEAVER, Kyle Killen
Walter Black, a depressed toy manufacturer, loses his family and his business. But then Walter tries on a hand puppet — a chatty British rodent called ”The Beaver” — and his personality is transformed. It’s all good at first, but things turn ugly when the puppet won’t let go.
That, too, is a tale oft told. But ask any girl: Walter totally has it coming. You can’t pick up a discarded beaver, talk to it nice, fist it, and then expect to just walk away.
If you think that title is far-fetched, you should see some of the streetwalkers around here. Oft, and truly, has it been said, Holy Jeebus, that raincoaster can whore it out like nobody’s business! And oft am I questioned on the results thereof. And, truly, answering is good for hits so here we go again! Cat and Bunk, over in the popular Mummified Fairy Remains thread, were wondering:
rain– How ’bout an update on the stats for this whored out post? Maybe a screenshot of the graph? I’m willing to interpret it for Metro.
Those were actually comments number 1297 and 1298, respectively, but I’m too lazy to edit the code. Anyway, their wish is my command, so here are the stats with bonus graph for the Mummified Fairy Remains post.
| J | F | M | A | M | J | J | A | S | O | N | D | Tot | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 07 | 717 | 1,537 | 945 | 3,212 | 3,543 | 3,309 | 5,047 | 3,145 | 5,432 | 26,887 | |||
| 08 | 8,962 | 6,641 | 4,548 | 4,638 | 6,998 | 4,228 | 5,063 | 4,516 | 3,223 | 6,569 | 3,703 | 1,293 | 60,382 |
| J | F | M | A | M | J | J | A | S | O | N | D | Tot | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 07 | 24 | 50 | 32 | 104 | 114 | 110 | 163 | 105 | 175 | 98 | |||
| 08 | 289 | 229 | 147 | 155 | 226 | 141 | 163 | 146 | 107 | 212 | 123 | 186 | 177 |
and the graph, unfortunately, will have to wait till I figure out how to save it to a place I can use it on this machine. It’s so advanced I can hardly use the damn thing!
Hang on to your Elder Signs: it’s The Casting Call of Cthulhu, the eldritchiest ten-minute comedy short you’ve ever seen. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll fear for your very sanity! But if you read this blog regularly, I’m sure you’re used to that.
raincoaster 
I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone whore a post out this much. I am impressed!