Category Archives: Hoaxes

Pearl Jam performs “Theme from HR Pufnstuf”

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Okay, maybe not, but reeeeeeeally close. You KNOW deep down in your heart of hearts that Eddie Vedder knows all the damn words to this song, as do you.

And the words, in case you’ve had tee many martoonies. Because, as we said, we know and you know and Eddie Vedder knows that you and me and Eddie Vedder know ALL the damn words:

Once upon a summertime
Just a dream from yesterday
A boy and his magic golden flute
Heard a boat from off the bay
“Come and play with me, Jimmy
Come and play with me.
And I will take you on a trip
Far across the sea.”

But the boat belonged to a kooky old witch
Who had in mind the flute to snitch
From her vroom broom in the sky
She watched her plans materialize
She waved her wand
The beautiful boat was gone
The skies grew dark
The sea grew rough
And the boat sailed on and on and on and on and on and on.

But Pufnstuf was watching too
And knew exactly what to do
He saw the witch’s boat attack
And as the boy was fighting back
He called his rescue racer crew
As often they’d rehearsed
And off to save the boy they flew
But who would get there first?

But now the boy had washed ashore
Puf arrived to save the day
Which made the witch so mad and sore
She shook her first and screamed away.

H.R. Pufnstuf,
Who’s your friend when things get rough?
H.R. Pufnstuf
Can’t do a little cause he can’t do enough.

H.R. Pufnstuf,
Who’s your friend when things get rough?
H.R. Pufnstuf
Can’t do a little cause he can’t do enough.

Donnie Davies: Take My Hand

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CHOP CHOP!

YES! Ladies, Gentlemen, and those of indeterminate gender! It’s the triumphant return of musical preacher Donnie Davies of Love God’s Way Ministry, originator of the world-famous CHOPS program (Changing Homosexuals into Ordinary People), and singer of the top radio hit God Hates a Fag. Here he is with his new, uplifting single Take My Hand.

Can’t you just feel the love?

Olympic Scandal: Faux BoJo, or No?

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Boris Johnson waves the Olympic flag or IS it Boris Johnson???

Another Olympic scandal tops the headlines this morning as it is revealed that, in a substitution reminiscent of the opening ceremony’s switched songstresses and faux fireworks, London Mayor Boris Johnson did not, in fact, attend the closing ceremony at all, but instead was replaced by a sophisticated computer-generated animation.

Bojo gone Olympics, or is it really so?

This shocking swap was insisted upon by the Olympic organizers, who had substantial reservations about Mr. Johnson‘s ability to accept and wave the flag without falling down, offending several of the participating nations, or fatally wounding a spectator in a misguided, yet historically correct, attempt to re-create one of the bloodier Olympic events of the Classical Age. After all, the Mayor’s track record is a very public one indeed.

Bojo in typical mode

The artificial Boris was, in fact, a compromise reached between the organizers and the British delegation. Originally, the Olympic ceremony management had planned to simply replace Mr. Johnson with a more attractive, dramatically-trained, lip-synching version of the same type.

Cary Elwes would do in a pinch. He could pinch me any time!

It is understood that many in the Mayor’s own office have approached the Olympic organizers for permission to continue to use the replicant back home.

Sex Sells

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The question is, are you buying?

I forsee different target markets for these two fine celebrity products:

Clay Aiken singing angel music box

Clay Aiken singing angel music box

Oh Come All Ye Faithful indeed. As someone said, this is an historic occasion: the only time Clay Aiken has ever been on top of a box.

The artist’s statement:

I thought about what the average Claymate might appreciate and after careful study, concluded that most are likely to be collectors of the sort of trinkets seen advertised in the back of Ladies Home Journal. There’s a good chance many of them own unicorn figurines, music boxes, frightening dolls, Disney trinkets, or something atrocious by Thomas Kinkade.

Seems logical enough.

Now, the market for the following is rather different. Looks like ScarJo here doesn’t have the net savvy of, say, a David Hasselhoff; she’s let a mangy old cybersquatter offer her up like Miley Cyrus on a platter to the reader who can send the filthiest email. Then again: it might be the real thing. We all know how she loves her email buddies!

Scarjo is ready when you are!

Scarjo is ready when you are!

Why They Call Them “Loonies”

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Cthulhu Tentacles for Sale!

Oh, man GROSS! I knew there was a reason I didn’t like pool noodles.