save Britney’s sex tape!

Britney Spears

In the realm of celebrity myths, some inspire more fervent belief than others. No-one really believes that Michael Jackson was black or human once, for instance. But a great many fans have a passionate interest and zealous, if somewhat sweaty, belief in the existence of the mythical Britney Spears/Kevin Federline sex tape.

A mythical sex tape we have covered before at the ol’ raincoaster blog.

But, good people, there’s more to the story than what we wrote there.

Far more.

Rumours surfaced that the former KFed (now known as Fed-Ex) had a copy of the tape, and was threatening to release it unless bought off with millions of dollars and custody of their two children, Tater Tot and Federletus 2.0.

That’s where you come in.

Yes, fans, the spotless reputation of your idol, Ms. Britney Spears, simple Southern gal, single mom, and salt of the Earth (or at least one of those white powders, of one of the planets, maybe Venus) depends upon you. Play this delightful flash game and catch all the sex tapes Federline can throw before they reach the paparazzi.

Play the Britney Flash game.

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the open source resistance meeting: edited footage

Whaaaaaaaa! Why does LA have all the cool resistance meetings? They don’t have any actual resisters down there in the first place! Tell that Reznor to get his sorry ass up here to the Republic of East Vancouver like, now, or I’ll sic Greenpeace on him. He’ll get his butt Birkenstomped!

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what really happened down there?

squid vs yellow submarine, guess who wins? 

It was the Sixties; nobody was straight enough to really keep track. Still, it was a horrible shock when I found out what had actually happened to the Beatles‘ famed Yellow Submarine.

In a Summer of Love polychromatic perverse update of HP Lovecraft’s The Call of Cthulhu, the hapless yet peaceable vessel and flagship of the Flower Child Armada was seized by the forces of our recrudescent Cthulhu cult and is even now being “repurposed” for who knows what unnameable role in the coming ApoCthalypse! Checking out that last link, I think we can all understand what happened to the crew…poor sods.

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Robert Goulet’s Emerald Nuts

via Neatorama. Them Canadians is tricksy, eh?

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mercury spill found: Voldemort sought for questioning

Killingly, you say? 

Has the bodiless villain of the Harry Potter novels crossed the Atlantic to spread death and horror on fresh turf? Could unicorns all over North America soon fear for their innocent lives? And, more importantly:

Does this mean that sexy bitch Alan Rickman is around here somewhere?

This chilling report from the aptly-named Killingly, Connecticut would lead one to believe so…

A “significant amount” of mercury from an unknown source was discovered on Putnam Road Saturday, causing an undetermined amount of soil contamination, according to the state Department of Environmental Protection.
While state environmental officials declined to discuss the possible threat to public health, mercury is a highly toxic substance known to cause a variety of health problems, such as nervous and immune system damage.

“The fact that someone could be so callous as to discard this type of material so near the Five Mile River is outrageous,” said Terry Chambers, who lives close to the contamination site and first reported the mercury. “An event like this could have environmental repercussions for the next 100 years.”

If not longer…

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