Note current version is Grinch Jesus, not Wizard of Oz Jesus.
Different holiday entirely!
Wow, this has got to be the bestest online toy ever invented for all your morbid theist gifting needs: the dress-up virtual Christmas crucified Jesus doll; surely just the thing for the loner who’s deep into self-flagellation, wouldn’t you say? It has that whole happy Christmas vibe, with an Eastery Jesus to dress up. Why, there’s even a snarling Grinch costume! Hours of fun for the whole dysfunctional family!
In related news, this woman has a solution to the fact that her Nativity Scene Jesus keeps going missing:
They’re right, but only in certain circumstances. THIS picture, for instance, is worth a thousand words. What’s the union rate for a thousand words during the writer’s strike, though?
But sometimes I do find something of moderate to severe amusement, and such is the following. For those of you who haven’t been reading People at the checkout line, Lindsay Lohan is probably the most talented of the Trainwreck Starlet Cavalcade currently lumbering through Hollywood, and probably the one with the most problems, except of course for Ms. Spears, who is in a class by herself (in so many ways). Lohan‘s father has been in and out of prison for at least a decade for a stunning variety of offences, and her mother is a notorious party cougar. Her sister is being moulded into the next sexpot, despite being 14 years old. And the boys? They’re not so pretty or potentially lucrative, so nobody cares about them.
And then there’s Perez.
Perez Hilton, the world’s most popular blogger (or, to be more specific, the author of the world’s most popular blog; everyone loves to hate Perez) was censored by YouTube yesterday, losing two of his accounts over claims he posted footage of Liza Minelli to which he did not have permission of the copyright holder. This claim appears not to be true, and his account has been reinstated, but he is, quite naturally, rather burnt about the whole experience and not thrilled with YouTube. He therefore went ahead and used a different format for his latest video about the troubled Lohan clan, a format which WP.com forbids us to use here on the ol’ raincoaster blog, but for which we have found a workaround.
Forget slow hands. There’s something the ladies like even better, and if you don’t know what it is, let’s look to Kuato, the veiny, stomach-dwelling Yoda creature from the Schwarzenschlocken meisterpiece that is Total Recall. Let’s face it, when you look like that, you’d better have some hidden talents, and we don’t mean playing the violin.
Yes, the ladies like me, and they dig on my movie star status, but sometimes not all women are impressed by that. You know that singer Shania Twain? I showed her the veins in my tiny squat head and you know? Didn’t impress her. Not much at all.
I’m not the tallest guy in the world. I don’t drive a fast car. But based on the fact that I’m located in a guy’s torso, I know of which I speak. I’m in a perfect place to give a woman pleasure with my tiny gummy mouth and gimpy, rotted hands.
You think I’m joking? Ask me what I’m doing Saturday night. Just ask.
What am I doing Saturday night? Giving some lucky lady head. All of it. My whole head.
So kids, remember. Cunnilingus is cool. Blowjobs are so last semester.
Very indirectly via kstafford (sorry, ladies, I believe he’s taken).
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raincoaster 