Category Archives: humor

the freakiest story I’m too tired to post

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Manta Ray

Seriously weird. Seriously, seriously freaky. Probably fake. “The one that got away” takes on new meaning in this tale of lost loves at sea…

Via (where else would you expect?) the Guardian’s Political Diary.

“Almost everybody in the fishing business has had sex with a manta at some point,” Makeburu asserts.

What!!! A manta??? You mean one of those enormous, intimidating winged things with a stinger on their tail that looks like an aquatic Batman?

Yep. After all, fisherman out on ships spend a loooonggg time at sea without ever encountering a woman, and, well, let’s face it, they can get pretty horny. No, dammit, let’s make that incredibly horny. Even desperate enough to do it with a manta. Right?

“Nah,” shrugs Makeburu. “Coastal fishermen poke them too.”

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Cock Puppets: NSFW or language police

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There’s a sexist extended (!) metaphor to be made here, but I’m just too lazy. Help yourselves. Also: see what I did there?

Oh, and: NSFW. Duh.

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normal service shall resume shortly

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but until I am fully recovered (honestly, WordPress outages, locked out of my new blog, poison spider bites, flu, my internet access goes down, and slicing my thumb open on a yogurt container, ffs! And it’s only Tuesday!) here’s a lolcat. I heer u like thoz.

128292638767933750ihaetusohard.jpg

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the hipster Olympics

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You’ve seen the Original…

Now see the derivative, post-postmodern, watered-down American version!

An epic battle of apathetic grandeur.

STARRING
Announcer Greg Berman – Taige Jensen (voice)
Announcer Neil Tafoya – Ryan Hunter (voice)
Reporter Conica Friesbee – Jenn Lyon
#1, Sasha Pinrod III – Taige Jensen
#2, Larken Trebek – Maggie Ross
#3, Nolan Shelby – Ryan Hunter
#4, Zac Zuro – Ryan Hall
#5, Gideon Zidoushe – Dave Powell
Referee Wally Masters – Will Connell
Square Sean Ericsson – Eric Sherertz

DISCLAIMER:
POYKPAC™ and POYKPAC Sports™ have no affiliation with Pabst Brewing Company, American Apparel, Myspace.com, cocaine, Pitchfork Media, The Elephant 6 Recording Company, Domino Recording Company Ltd, EMI, MoTown Records, or Vice Magazine Publishing Inc. All products and companies portrayed were done so satirically.

This short film is, however, a shameless tribute to Monty Python‘s “The Upperclass Twit of the Year.” All that being said: Let the lawsuits commence!

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I was bitten by a poisonous spider

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Shelob

and it died.

Think about that the next time you try to get in my face about … anything at all.

I’m just saying.

PS: so there are black widow spiders here in Vancouver. You learn something new every day, eh?

Give me my footie pjs, put on my cat; I have
Immortal longings in me: now no more
The juice of the Okanagan‘s grape shall moist this lip:
Yare, yare, good CG; quick. Methinks I hear
Viggo call; I see him rouse himself
To praise my noble act; I hear him mock
The luck of spammers, which the gods give men
To excuse their after wrath: baby, I come:
Now to that name my courage prove my title!
I am tentacles and marabou; my other elements
I give to baser life. So; have you done?
Come then, and take the last warmth of my lips.
Farewell, kind CG; blog readers, long farewell.

What, I’m still here? Damn, now what am I gonna do with this soliloquy? I h8 anticlimax!

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