Operation Global Media Domination: BoingBoingSplat

the crew of the good ship BoingBoing 

I finally get my link. After what, a year of praying and sitting through interminable load times (honestly, the website is mostly space; what could take it so damn long to load? Is it all the felt clogging the tubes of the internets?) and interminable billions of posts about Disney’s bloody Haunted Mansion and godawful felt crafts of the neo-repulsive school, I finally got a link on BoingBoing.

Sing Hallelulia! Let all creation sing,
That raincoaster from obscurity has risen,
Glory to the Boing!
Sound jubilation! Let every bell ring clear,
And joyous peals proclaim the message,
Our pwnage of Technorati is here.

Or not: One hit.

Ou sont les A-List Coattails d’antan?

Perhaps panda poo paper just isn’t popular? I even had to replace all the images because this was during the great Photobucket bandwidth blankout of 2007, not that we’re complaining. That would be so unlike us.

Oh, very well; the detail-oriented and sharp of memory among you will recall that we made it once before. All I can say to that is that the halflife of celebrity is clearly short online. In that case, I submitted the story and so my link was on there from the get-go, even if it wasn’t the go-to link. In this case, I submitted an addendum to a several-hours-old post, from which I conclude that BoingBoing readers read it pretty much in realtime, so if you want the glory and the kingdom, for ever and ever, or even for long enough for Technorati to pick up the link, you need to be the submitter of the link in the first place.

Timeliness: just what has been so difficult around these parts lately. I have learned, over the past two weeks of having a roommate, that I am willing to share space. I am willing to share food. I am willing to share even toothbrushes, okay, no, but almost. Point is: I’m fine with sharing most things. But sharing the internet connection, as in he has it some of the time and I have it some of the time?

No.

When you pair that with the fact that he’s an internationally known raw food chef whom I have allowed for the sake of experiment to put me on a special green smoothie juice fast just to see if there’s really anything in this chlorophyll hokum, and that green smoothie fasts apparently make me homicidally enraged from the moment I awake to the moment I lose consciousness, raining curses down upon the heads of my enemies as I drift off to sleep, and furthermore that I am PMSing at the moment, you’ll see that something had to give, and that it sure as hell wasn’t going to be me. Sic transit gorilla mozilla.

Cthulhu Tract

So the router he got seems to work well. We’ve even got our first pirate leeching off the signal, but as long as I can blog, I care not. Share the wireless luv! Information wants to be free!

Also, so do gastrointestinal systems. If I had any cash I’d hit the brunch buffet at Griffin’s like it’s never been hit before! As it is, I intend to scramble eggs with gorgonzola cheese and wash it down with a latte, then follow that up with pan fries. WITH ketchup and Tabasco. Sic transit gloria chorophyll.

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quiz: what the hell is wrong with your ex

Here’s one everyone can identify with! I love that it puts the answers only in the form of pathologies because of course dumping or failing to please jewels such as us is indeed pathological.


Your Ex is Histrionic


Your ex is hot and cold – a total drama queen or king.Your ex can’t survive without tons of dramatics, attention, and approval.
People with histrionic personality disorder are inappropriately seductive, prone to rapid mood swings, and rash decision makers.

Sound at all familiar?

What’s Wrong With Your Ex?

Hmmmm, now I’m not so sure…inappropriately seductive, prone to rapid mood swings, and rash decision makers, eh? But I’m not seeing where the negatives are here…(also, there’s no place to say what attracted you to your ex was the way he looked mid-Marathon, skimming across the ground in those shorts; the shallow are always pushed to the margins, except in W and PerezHilton.com!).

the Right Honourable Dr Gordon Brown MP, Chancellor of the Exchequer, picks his nose and eats it

That’s basically it. Gordon Brown, Chancellor (=Finance Minister), sits on-camera behind Tony Blair on the day he is to present his new budget and slowly and methodically picks his nose and eats it, over a period of two excruciatingly long minutes. Quite frankly, I couldn’t make it all the way to the end; I thought he was going to break through to his brain case any second. Maybe he thinks it comes under “recycling” and is a new green initiative?

Hat tip to Guido, who put the creative choice of soundtrack to it and who’s been up to much interesting stuff while I’ve been quietly starving from lack of Internet and fattening foods.

Note to self: juice fasts make me homicidally enraged. Remember to fast before confronting enemies; also, can hide the bodies in my now-baggy clothes.

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the Spaghetti Harvest, 2007

The Spaghetti Harvest 

Yes, the BBC did a groundbreaking documentary on the Swiss spaghetti farming industry back in 1957 (crappy Realplayer version here), but that’s soooo 20th Century. Here is an update on an independent spaghetti farmer working the family farm in New Jersey, and his valiant fight against corporate Big Spaghetti.

and remember, if you want to grow your own, just follow the advice of the BBC:

place a sprig of spaghetti in a tin of tomato sauce and hope for the best

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MC Rove

This video is the most definitive exhibition of white boy cool in the history of white boys. Come on, admit it you demented Republican rednecks:

Karl Rove looks about as cool as an undermedicated and spastic special education lifer performing in the inpatient pageant.

Also, this has inspired some marvelous comments on YouTube, such as the below, to which we can add nothing.

toddlerh (1 hour ago)

Karl Rove is simply adorable. I hope he’s this funny at his war-crimes tribunal and in federal prison.

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