This is astonishing. Stunning. Staggering. Entirely mind-blowing. This video describing the sex tape drama between gossipy website Gawker and immoral wrestler and tanning product abuser Hulk Hogan will cause you to question the very nature of reality, if not the point of existence itself.
I know what you’re wondering; you have the same question as me. We all want to know the answer.
How does that studly himbo Gawker get his logo to float in front of his shirt like that?
Please hold for Hashtag John Doe
You might think it’s easy being a reporter these days, what with newspapers being so high on the hog and all. Well, kid, you’d be wrong.
It’s a dirty business, being a reporter, and don’t call me a “hack” if you don’t want a shiner that you can read a pulp novel by.
We do things. Things we can’t talk about. Things normal people would not know how to understand. It’s better that we just keep these depraved little rituals to ourselves, but you know me: can’t keep a secret. That’s why I got into this business: so people would pay me not to keep things to myself.
Things like this.
Background: State Representative Dan Gordon of Rhode Island is Anonymous’s least and best favorite State Representative, alternately promoting and trolling them. And he promised me an interview. Many. Many. Many times.
So. It comes to this.
https://twitter.com/_RepDanGordon/status/256444347933937665
https://twitter.com/_RepDanGordon/status/256444932124971008
https://twitter.com/_RepDanGordon/status/256452107924819969
Hey, I never said it was pretty, boys and girls.
Yes, “the wilds of Britain.” See what I did there?
The Guardian captions this “An elk.” Time to stop hiring inbred photo interns, no matter how dazzling their connections.
According to the UK paper of record for Ecologically Sensitive Courtesy Titles, the UK is harbouring a fugitive and desperate band of elk rustlers.
PC Jackie Poole, who is leading the hunt, said: “This is an unusual theft and would have required a vehicle, and probably quite a bit of time, to complete. I would ask people in the area at the time to cast their mind back and see if they remember seeing anything suspicious.
Under “Anything suspicious” we must list the above, a moose impersonating an elk in the Guardian. Could the paper have a vested interest in confusing the issue and preventing innocent Somersettians from recognizing an actual elk when they see one?
Hmmm, one wonders…what are they serving in the executive dining room at the Grauniad this week, eh?
Real Elks, duh
Julian Assange protect the truth condom line available soon at a store near you!
So, one evening I was hanging on Twitter with hacktivists and freedom fighters from around the world (as one does) when one of them came up with a brilliant plan. Not only will it garner huge media coverage for its salacious possibilities, but it will raise money for WikiLeaks and Assange‘s lawyers at the same time as contributing in a very direct way to making the world a cleaner, more attractive place.
Thanks to @Treisiroon for collating them all, and @SeasangJ, @Pandymonium01 and @AssangeC for playing along. Your cheques are in the mail. As for the rest of you, put your suggestions in the comments section.
And yes, I DO know I’m opening this up for trolls.
Contradiction fragrance, a woman’s perogative.
Clean as a Whistleblower soap.
Mendax fragrance, the scent of danger.
Mendax fragrance, nobly untruthful.
Mendax fragrance, From Melbourne to Nairobi, Cambodia to London, The Truth Will Set You Free.
Mendax cologne- because you pwn it.
Mendax cologne… awesome audaciousness.
Mendax cologne, The Scent of Freedom.
Mendax cologne, Get A Whiff of the Truth.
Mendax Gentleman’s overnight bag slash travellers case.
Mendax condom for all night lulz. [hmmm, I foresee difficulty marketing a condom which causes one or one’s partner to collapse in fits of laughter. Or is that just me?] specially treated so no DNA remains ….”Swedish tear test approved DS9001.”
Mendax condoms, because he knows he’ll need it.
Mendax condoms, love the audacity.
Mendax: Dare to Wear it! [unsure whether this refers to condom or cologne, so suggest gift packs containing both, just in time for the holiday season]
Julian, transparent masculinity. [I rather think this is a condom as well. Either that or some kind of macho wrestling body oil]
Redacted deodorant, because not everything should be shared.
Asylum fragrance, too hot to handle.
Silver Fox haircare. [can we get Anderson Cooper as a spokesmodel?]
Oh, the possibilities are endless. Thanks to all who participated in this crowd-sourced effort to diversify WikiLeaks. Remember, united we stand, diversified we profit!
Yes, you read that right. Authentic Klingon Bellydance Music.
From their YouTube description:
Deserae dancing to an excerpt of the Shyriiwook Bellydance tune, “Muaarga” (Peace), as performed by the il Troubadore Klingon Music Project at the Viaduct Theater in Chicago (3 August 2012).
The Klingon Music Project is a real thing, as apparently is Deserae the bellydancing Wookiee and now they are both going viral. What can I say? She’s got the nous if not the Nad’s
raincoaster 