emoticons of the gods

Here, by way of UniqueDaily (for whose 286 clickthroughs to SuperOctopus we are very grateful indeed) is the super global masterlist of internet emoticons. From Midget Smileys to Mega Smileys, it’s got them all.

For those unfamiliar with the concept, emoticons are what geeks have instead of facial expressions, body language, or interpersonal skillz.

Some practical examples you can put to immediate use in your daily lives:

{:-) User wears a toupee.

}:-( Toupee in an updraft.

:-[ User is a vampire.

:-E Bucktoothed vampire.

:-F Bucktoothed vampire with one tooth missing.

-:-) User is a punk rocker.

-:-( Real punk rockers don’t smile.

(8-o It’s Mr. Bill!

d8= Your pet beaver is wearing goggles and a hard hat.

C= 2>;*{)) A drunk, devilish chef with a toupee in an updraft, a mustache, and a double chin.

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why saving daylight costs lives

Zombie rage

Because not all of us are morning people, GODDAMMIT!!!

Daylight.

Fucking.

Savings.

I want to find out who invented this, then I want to find out where he’s buried, then I want to go there and dig him up, and then I want to beat him to a fine puree using no instrument of greater delicacy than a frozen musk-ox foreleg. And if he’s not dead, I want to strangle and bury him first.

Signed,
Not A Fucking Morning Person, GODDAMMIT, all right, you motherfuckers!!!

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finger cymbals too loud? problem solved: crocheted zill covers

UPDATE: “Fans” tag added. Click through to the comments for a classic example of the pathology.

zills, yo, nekkid as God and Allah intended 

From the department of WTF comes these step-by-step instructions for making your own finger cymbal covers for the pampered, crocheting bellydancer that lives deep in your soul.

Now, it may surprise you to know that I have bellydanced; I would not characterize myself as a bellydancer any more than as a toothbrusher, but I’m better than a beginner even if that damn reverse camel still throws my back out (and I defy anyone to maintain a good seat on a reversing camel without damaging one vertebra, or at least snapping the elastic on it).

And I have zills. From Saudi Arabia. Smuggled in my mother’s luggage (I wish I could claim it was sewn into the lining of her fur coat, but what the hell would she be doing in Riyadh in a fur coat unless it was protecting herself from the omnipresent aggressive, Antarctic airconditioning, or even perhaps wrapped in her silken unmentionables, but my mother, glam though her latter years were, preferred unmentionables of practical and sturdy 100% cotton or sometimes even nylon, and all the colours of the beige Canadian rainbow, so yeah, maybe wrapped in a pair of buttercup yellow size L granny panties, woohoo, James Bond eat your heart out) or was it in a box marked “Sand” so the customs inspectors didn’t open it up? Yeah, either they have very stupid export customs inspectors in Saudi Arabia or the CIA is using “Sand” as a code word, and given the company my mother kept in Riyadh, I’m betting the latter and the customs inspectors have been told to lay off.

Zills. It’s a blog post about zill covers.

In any case, whether you’re a bellydancer or not, good or bad, the first thing you notice about zills is: they make a lot of noise.

It’s sort of what they’re for.

So we at the ol’ raincoaster blog were somewhat nonplussed and even subtractussed to see instructions for crocheting home-made zill mufflers, it being said that, lo, they were like, so way noisy.

Or maybe that’s just me.

the zill covers, back viewIn any case, the covers themselves are pretty enough, and in a nice, sparkly yarn might even add a tantalizing “you can glimpse the zill, but you cannot touch it” piquance to the zill-dancing experience, or perhaps that is only for those who identify too closely with inanimate brass objects, not that we know anyone like that around here.

the zill covers, front viewIn any case, the zills generally sound quite pretty even if you don’t know what you’re doing. We at the ol’ raincoaster blog can only pray that this twisted genius turns her attention next to something of more practical utility, such as:

  • violin mufflers
  • clarinet covers
  • accordion muffs
  • cymbal socks

Your suggestions?

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quiz: will the Giant Squid of Hogwarts go out with you?

Come on, admit it: you’ve been dying to find out but too shy to ask. Well, we at the ol’ raincoaster blog have stepped up and found you the one definitive and world-beatingly authoritative quiz that will answer this heart-pounding question once and for all.

Cuz we’re all about the service journalism here, as you know.

  Harry Potter Quiz: Will The Giant Squid Go OuT wiTh U ?!  

Yes, Squiddy and u will spend your time water Skiing and diving and looking at the Cute Fishes .. but you’ll probably end up being best Friends, after all u cant love a squid who eats Fish !
Take this quiz!

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Hmmm, on the other hand I begin to suspect that the author of this quiz needs to learn more about birds and bees before she goes writing quizzes purporting to answer questions about squids and fish-eating and suchlike activities.

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The Pirate Rap

What can we learn from this latest example of another highly educational and uplifting squid-related video on the service-driven and ennobling ol’ raincoaster blog?

Hot girls are cheap, plentiful, and obviously desperate for work in Hollywood.

Word to the Kracken.

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