I’m reposting this from my parenting blog, for lo, I am way jaded and rare indeed is the story that makes me yell OH MY FUCKING GOD, but this?
This. Is. That. Story.
Verily, the record of history is thick with wacky diets (and someday I hope to stumble across The Drinking Woman’s Diet) and among them there are some real lollapalosers of recipes, including the Cabbage Soup Diet (how do you sell 300 pages of “put cabbage in water, cook it, and drink it”?) not to mention oddities like Slug Fritters and their ick ilk. There’s even a sub-group of cannibal-chic dishes like Hufu, human-flavoured tofu, and ClooFu, the George Clooney-flavoured tofu. And anyone who knows what a doula is has heard about the miraculous, all-natural benefits of eating one’s placenta, just like animals which haven’t learned to read, write, walk on their hind legs or exercise bowel control.
Now the world offers a queasy welcome to: placentawiches.
That’s right, folks. Master chefs Chrissy and Kathy Schilling used the placenta from Chrissy’s newborn to spice up pasta, panini and other delicious meals over the weekend — and generously posted pictures of the afterbirth-filled dishes on their Facebook page.
Although doctors claim placenta offers no nutritional benefit for people who already are well-nourished, the sisters believe otherwise.
Among the benefits reported by the self-cannibalizing new mother, hallucinogenic effects must rank as the only one which interests me, but one which, in the current War Against Drugs political climate, we must ignore, lest pregnant women everywhere be shipped off to Gitmo for the proactive protection of American slackers.
Let’s raise a toast to free-range mothers-to-be!
Placenta Cocktail
Ingredients:
1/4 cup fresh, raw placenta
8oz V-8 juice
2 ice cubes
1/2 cup carrotMethod: blend at high speed for 10 seconds. Serve. A tasty thirst quencher!
Now if you’ll excuse me, I need a stiff drink.
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“Represent! with Moveable Type” eh? Yeah, how can we tell this was done in 2006. “Typepad hollaback!”
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This works. And why does it work? Because I’d never order any other kind of Margarita, of course! Because I am over 16.
It came to pass that one middle of the afternoon I was at Chez Jay’s, a very cool restaurant at the Santa Monica/Venice Beach border, with my two friends, killing time before flying back home. It was, if memory serves, the very day that Janet Jackson suffered her “wardrobe malfunction” and thus, the kitchen had been shut down in anticipation thereof, for very it is a fact well-known among the wise that cooks all have the Second Sight.
And it so happened that each of my friends ordered a diet Coke.
And I ordered, “A double Sauza Conmemorativo Margarita, on the rocks.”
And the waiter said, “At least you’re fun!”
You Are a Lime Margarita |
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Hyper and driven, you despise lazy behavior of all kinds… especially lazy drunks too tired to dance! |
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That caught your attention, didn’t it?
Well, yesterday really was National Cleavage Day in South Africa, presumably the only podunk nation/state that Wonderbra could talk into this pulchritudinous publicity stunt. Which is not to say we look upon it as a cynically synthetic corporate holiday (although we do) but rather to say we think that Wonderbra is picking a nation that needs all the help it can get, seriously.
When was the last time you heard of a Playboy Bunny from South Africa? Come on, try. And have you eyeballed Winnie Mandela? The woman’s waist outmeasures her boobage by nearly two to one. I know middle-aged basement-dwelling geeks who have three cup sizes on her, and they’re men!
Speaking of which, it’s time to address the sexism inherent in a National Cleavage Day which includes only potential consumers of the Wonderbra. Surely we should, in the name of fairness, open it up to potential consumers of the Brossiere as well. And among those, there is one clear winner.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen and those of both genders who are less than ladylike or gentlemanly, the best chest in the world belongs to one person, and one person only, and that person does not use a Wonderbra.
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raincoaster 