the unabomber manifesto

God knows why I’m posting this. I just happened to stumble across it, in between doing a press release for a speed dating event and emailing around to see who wants to watch V for Vendetta at Video Monster.

Read into that what you will.

The Unabomber Cartoon Hour

Introduction:

Industrial Society and the FutureTed, ted, ted, what are we gonna do with you?

1. The Industrial Revolution and its consequences have been a disaster for the human race. They have greatly increased the life-expectancy of those of us who live in “advanced” countries, but they have destabilized society, have made life unfulfilling, have subjected human beings to indignities, have led to widespread psychological suffering (in the Third World to physical suffering as well) and have inflicted severe damage on the natural world. The continued development of technology will worsen the situation. It will certainly subject human beings to greater indignities and inflict greater damage on the natural world, it will probably lead to greater social disruption and psychological suffering, and it may lead to increased physical suffering even in “advanced” countries.

2. The industrial-technological system may survive or it may break down. If it survives, it MAY eventually achieve a low level of physical and psychological suffering, but only after passing through a long and very painful period of adjustment and only at the cost of permanently reducing human beings and many other living organisms to engineered products and mere cogs in the social machine. Furthermore, if the system survives, the consequences will be inevitable: There is no way of reforming or modifying the system so as to prevent it from depriving people of dignity and autonomy.

3. If the system breaks down the consequences will still be very painful. But the bigger the system grows the more disastrous the results of its breakdown will be, so if it is to break down it had best break down sooner rather than later.

4. We therefore advocate a revolution against the industrial system. This revolution may or may not make use of violence; it may be sudden or it may be a relatively gradual process spanning a few decades. We can’t predict any of that. But we do outline in a very general way the measures that those who hate the industrial system should take in order to prepare the way for a revolution against that form of society. This is not to be a POLITICAL revolution. Its object will be to overthrow not governments but the economic and technological basis of the present society.

5. In this article we give attention to only some of Nice shack ya got there...when is Wilbur Whateley expected?the negative developments that have grown out of the industrial-technological system. Other such developments we mention only briefly or ignore altogether. This does not mean that we regard these other developments as unimportant. For practical reasons we have to confine our discussion to areas that have received insufficient public attention or in which we have something new to say. For example, since there are well-developed environmental and wilderness movements, we have written very little about environmental degradation or the destruction of wild nature, even though we consider these to be highly important.

how are we fighting the war on terror?

From the Onion. Keep on fightin’ that TWAT!

FIGHT THAT TWAT!!!

punchline o’ the day: Defamer on agents

Jamie Gold, CHIPs officerDefamer has possibly the best writers in the blogosphere, and every now and again they show you why.

I’m gonna be cruel and make you jump over to their site for the killer punchline, cuz that’s how I roll.

But read the setup first, otherwise there’s no payoff.

Unless you already work in Hollywood, in which case you’re living this nightmare.

“Agents ate my baby” shirt owners, hollaback!

Conflicted Former Agent Plays Winning Poker, Fears Fame

Reality show producer and former agent Jamie Gold is currently the chip leader at the World Series of Poker No Limit Hold ‘Em Championship in Vegas, but he’s terrified of winning–not because he’s afraid of the millions of dollars he’d take home, as an agent’s moneylust never truly fades, but rather because he fears the fame that a victory will bring. In an interview with ESPN.com, Gold explains why the idea of instant celebrity is so frightening that he openly muses about taking a dive into second place:

“I don’t want it,” Gold said. “I’ve seen what it’s done to other people. I’ve worked with actors from James Gandolfini to Felicity Huffman to Lucy Liu.”Gandolfini wanted nothing to do with fame. If you notice before ‘The Sopranos,’ he never did a movie that put him in the spotlight. He never did Jay Leno. He never did an interview. He never talked to the press. He didn’t want any of it. He couldn’t stand it because he knew what would happen to his life.

“He got in an accident in New York City and someone walked over to him and said something like, ‘Well, you’re Tony Soprano, so you don’t need any help.’ Craziness. It’s insane..”

It’s not too hard to understand why a behind-the-scenes player (or anyone who’s even fleetingly considered a messy suicide upon hearing an actress discuss who she’s wearing on the red carpet) like Gold would eschew the spotlight, but we think there might be a deeper psychological explanation for his fame-phobia revealed by the Gandolfini story.

Find out what it is here. BTW, ‘nother hottie, but he I think he flies the other airline. Either that or he’s emo; all I know is, I’m not that good with eyeliner.

White People Food

From the archive
Date: Tuesday, September 03, 2002

When you live in Chinatown there are very few places to get white-people food. T&T Supermarket has some, a little, hell, a token amount, tucked between the Darlie (formerly Darkie) toothpaste and the shrimp chips. Sunrise market has some, in between the vat-o-tofu and the sambal oelek (overpriced) and when you get your bill it says something like “produce $1.23, chinese $4.25, english $1.10,” looks like a report card. You know, I’m sure there’s some PC-ite who’d be offended by the till receipts at the Sunrise, even if their change worked out right.

Anyway, you can get whitey foods at the Italian place on Main street, but apparently not if the guy there doesn’t like you. He won’t open the door. He doesn’t care for women, being…er…of the kind who doesn’t care for women, but like really, really doesn’t.

My friend Carinthia tried several times to get buzzed in, but he just ignored her until she had the bright idea of using my extra-cute friend David as a door decoy. He buzzed David in right quick, and Carinthia darted in before the door could close. She bought enough olive oil and feta that he wasn’t too sorry he’d let her in, even if she was a chick.

But he won’t let her back.

Anyway, mark II: I go to Benny’s Italian Market. And does Benny sell Italians, you ask? Smartass. Benny (and what appears to be his entire extended family, or at least old friends, old enough that they have broken through the politeness barrier and speak entirely in in-jokes) anyway, as I was saying, Benny sells fresh veggies that you never have to pick over because they are all good, cheeses and deli meats, imported foods like artichoke hearts and specialty stuff like blueberry juice and Aqua Libra. And lots of Italian foods. And eats plenty of it, too, by the look of him, not that anyone’s complaining.

So there I was today buying my greek salad fixins, as it is well known if you can’t get to a Greek shop (and you can’t, at least not between here and Kits) as I couldn’t, you are permitted to make your purchases at an Italian shop, as long as they don’t try to sell you any baklava. No, they can’t do the baklava: it’s something to do with a grocery treaty from the seventeen hundreds, I dunno. So that’s okay, as I was not today at least shopping for baklava, and when I do it is always at a Greek shop.

When Hostess comes out with Baklavettes you can bet your Scott Bakula I’ll be staying well away; that’s just asking for trouble.

So there I was, and beside me was an elderly Chinese gentleman with a cane who was having some difficulty doing his shopping. The young fellow who works there whose name I don’t know so I will call him Li’l Benny to differentiate him from Big Benny, was helping him with his lottery tickets. It’s ten million this week, which is not to be sneezed at or passed up because you got confused in the grocery store, so the old guy was being very careful and double-checking everything. And Li’l Benny was triple- and quadruple-checking, just for good measure. Finally they agreed on the number of tickets, the jackpot, and whether the old fellow needed a bigger bag (this required a consultation with the woman I imagine is Mrs. Big Benny) and the fellow left, slowly and with his cane leading the way.

Li’l Benny turned to Mrs. BB with a concerned look and concerned tone and said, “That man, he’s had a stroke, you know.”

She turned to look over her shoulder at the old man as he disappeared. Her brow furrowed. “I know, yeah, I know. That poor man.” And everyone in the store paused a second and looked after the old man.

Which was nice, you know?

The Shebeen Club: The Legend of Gassy Jack August 15th

www.shebeenclub.com

The Elephant Book
The Shebeen Club Presents:
The True Legend of Gassy Jack

When: 7-9pm, Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Where: upstairs @ The Shebeen, Gaoler’s Mews, Gastown

How: reserve @ lorraine.murphyatgmail.com

How Much: $15 to August 12th, door $20; limited to 25
Dinner and a drink are included in admission

What: A special reading of ‘the true legend of Gassy Jack‘ by Vancouver author and artist Robert Chaplin; he will also discuss his new baby, The Elephant Book

Who: For more info contact: lorraine.murphyatgmail.com
The Shebeen Club is very pleased to present local artist and writer Robert Chaplin. Robert will discuss his newly-launched The Elephant Book, and in keeping with the locale, he will recite his creation “The True Legend of Gassy Jack.” Sean Heather just happens to own the original manuscript, tying things up so neatly an editor would blue pencil “too slick” right alongside!

As usual, we will also feature a fine dinner of bangers & mash or pasta, along with a nice glass of wine, beer or pop. Door prizes, literary community announcements, scuttlebutt, and mingling to rival the Algonquin Round Table to follow.

Meet and Mingle 7-7:30
Reading 7:30-8
Elephantine punning and gassy jacking 8-10 (don’t ask/tell)