So to speak.

Word has come to our shell-like ears of a most delightfully esoteric Japanese custom; indeed, in a land where it sometimes seems as if all the customs are simultaneously bizarre, sexual, and ridiculous, this still stands out as remarkable, largely because it is one of the few that is not only bizarre, sexual and ridiculous, but it’s also low-calorie, tasty and satisfying and no, you’re not horny an hour later.

That would be the well-known “Chinese smorgasbord ritual.”

So what are the twin practices of Nyotaimori and Nantaimori? Nothing more nor less than the practices of eating sushi or sashimi off a naked woman or man, respectively. And we are most respective of our naked sushi bringers around these parts.

These parts in particular… *points*…

What fascinates me are the detailed instructions for preparation of the presentation service. Oh, I agree, proper attention to the plating aesthetics is so, so important.

Before becoming a living sushi platter, the person is trained to lie down for hours without moving. She or he must also be able to withstand the prolonged exposure to the cold food. Body hair, including pubic hair, would also be shaved as a display of pubic hair may be seen as a sexual act. [ed note: oh, perish the thought!]

Before service, the individual would take a bath using a special fragrance-free soap and then finish off with a splash of cold water to cool the body down somewhat for the sushi.

In some parts of the world, in order to comply with sanitation laws, there must be a layer of plastic or other material between the sushi and the body of the woman or man.

Ah, but that’s an entirely different Wikipedia entry, I’m sure…

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