Jesus’ Blood Never Failed Me Yet

Jesus' blood never failed me yetBut you have to wonder if it hadn’t, or, if it had, who it was who got to make that call.

This song has haunted not my dreams but my waking for nearly ten years, ever since Mister Natural played it for me.

The story is this:

Gavin Bryars, an interesting fellow if ever there was one, was working on a film about the homeless people who populated the neighborhoods of Elephant & Castle and Waterloo Station, a very Hogarthian scene even if gin is not as cheap as it used to be. Not being used to starring in films, the populace enjoyed the attention and in some cases hammed it up for the cameras with appropriate ruffles and flourishes and not a few belts of song or even something stronger.

One of those singers, a teetotaller in fact, came out with this.

I’ve heard it in both the unadorned and orchestral versions, and I must say I prefer the starker one. Adding Tom Waits to the mix is gilding the lily: surely Tom Waits is nothing but an haut-Boho imitation of something the old man was a true original of.

With nothing but this creaky old voice rattling out a single-line message of faith and hope for twenty solid minutes, one can’t help but meditate on it.

Time Smoking by William Hogarth

This man’s whole life is there, in the tension between his circumstances and his message. He, at least, believes he has never been failed by Jesus (and who are we to say he HAS?) and yet there he is; why, he wouldn’t have been recorded at all if he had not been the very embodiment of society’s lowest castoffs. And so, his cruel circumstances are themselves what enable his inspiring voice to be heard in the first place, yet his moving faith seems so wildly unjustified.

Somewhere between the impossibility of the truth and the impossibility of anything else lies the human condition.

Bryars speaks:

When I copied the loop onto the continuous reel in Leicester, I left the door of the recording studio open (it opened onto one of the large painting studios) while I went downstairs to get a cup of coffee. When I came back I found the normally lively room unnaturally subdued. People were moving about much more slowly than usual, and a few were sitting alone, quietly weeping. I was puzzled until I realized that the tape was still playing and that they had been overcome by the old man’s unaccompanied singing.

This demonstrated to me the emotional power of the music, but also alerted me to the need to approach very carefully anything I did to the tape. I had already thought about a gradually added orchestral accompaniment and I realized that this needed to be simple, to gradually evolve, yet at the same time respect the tramp’s humanity and simple faith.

add to del.icio.us :: Add to Blinkslist :: add to furl :: Digg it :: add to ma.gnolia :: Stumble It! :: add to simpy :: seed the vine :: :: :: TailRank

contest: name that fad!

Bling Bling Ouch!

How to intro this…well, first of all you should know that the prize here is nothing less than immortal glory and the adoring praise of millions. There shall be none other like you on Earth; you will be unique among all peoples:

the one, the only, winner of the FADenclature contest on the ol’ raincoaster blog!

Seriously, how cool is that?

Which is all just a fancy way of saying No, there’s no money in it.

Something along the lines of the Tentacle Pornstar Name Challenge, this is a contest to develop the most amusing name for the soon-to-leave-the-pages-of-Snopes-forever (as soon as Lohan gets ahold of the idea anyway) concept of adorning one’s nether regions with what is known in the yoof community as “bling” and flashing said bling in the presence of witnesses if not actually paparazzi. Where can Paris, Lindsay et al go from here anyway? They’ve got to ramp it up somehow!

See here for background. Suggestions in the comments section. You’re up against some tough competition here; those Gawkerites can be lightning fast with the wisecracks, so bring your best game.

add to del.icio.us :: Add to Blinkslist :: add to furl :: Digg it :: add to ma.gnolia :: Stumble It! :: add to simpy :: seed the vine :: :: :: TailRank

great balls of fire…shooting from Flaming Yoko’s er, flaming yoko

FIREBALL! 

I really thought I’d heard it all when I endured the Spaulding Gray monologue about the banana-shooting snatches of certain Cambodian sex show performers (the descriptive cockroach scuttle flourishes are what made it Art, you know). But then I had not heard of Flaming Yoko, the Japanese stripper who shoots a stream of fire from where the sun don’t usually shine.

From the apparently-now-defunct-but-still-well-worth-a-read Stripper Blog:

“From the time I was a little girl, I thought about doing something that would make people notice me, and enable me to tour the country,” says the woman, who is identified throughout only by her professional moniker “Honoo no Yoko” (Flaming Yoko).

It looks to me like she got her wish.

As the classic strip club techno began, Yoko would gracefully peel off her clothing and proceed to a series of eight routines. All involved use of the highly developed muscles in her reproductive apparatus. While not necessarily in the following order, she makes use of her vaginal sphincter to toot notes from a toy trumpet; click a toy clacker; twist the screw-off cap from a bottle of Oronamin C vitamin tonic; snap a wooden pencil in half; bend a metal spoon; inhale smoke from a cigarette and blow rings; and make like a blowgun, shooting darts to pop toy balloons. In fact, a dart once propelled this way was clocked at 180 mph, as fast as if somebody had thrown it by hand.

Then came the climax of her stage performance, the routine from she got the stage name “Flaming Yoko”: She would inject a quantity of alcohol into her vagina, part her thighs and spurt the liquid towards a waiting flame.

It really is astonishing that a woman who’s been able to do that since she was a teenager (and she is 39) hasn’t been able to save up enough to retire. What’s wrong with the sex show market, people! Given what the poor suckers pay at Brandi’s just to get a lap grind to old Bon Jovi songs, you’d think that a hawt flaming Japanese cooter would earn you a nice view house in Santa Monica mountains and a Jaguar in less than five years, but apparently not.

Then again, ponder for a moment the Freudian overtones; I can’t imagine the tips are that great. Hey, thanks for reminding me of my castration anxiety! Here’s a nickel. Nuclear flaming vaginas would be, one would assume, right up there in the “worst nightmare” stakes with vagina dentatas and those antirape devices involving steel sheathes garnished lavishly with barbed spikes.

Flaming Yoko is still flaming away, and probably will be until she needs a walker to get onstage, so book your trip to Japan now. A note: the first two rows of the audience are well advised to avoid wearing nylon.

Word to your mother.

add to del.icio.us :: Add to Blinkslist :: add to furl :: Digg it :: add to ma.gnolia :: Stumble It! :: add to simpy :: seed the vine :: :: :: TailRank

lolgoth #5: trent sez decaf plzthx

And he looks like he could use a double!

Trent sez decaf plzthx!

source

add to del.icio.us :: Add to Blinkslist :: add to furl :: Digg it :: add to ma.gnolia :: Stumble It! :: add to simpy :: seed the vine :: :: :: TailRank

the indiscreet “charm” of the bourgeoisie

An idle question: could the middle class for once pull its head out of its own ass and just STFU for once? Is that too goddam much to ask? The world does not exist so that you can express your dissatisfaction with it, and there is a REASON God did not consult you for tips before he made this world.

Selah.